az_tbone please read

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
az_tbone please read
6
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 4:26pm
I was reading your post about the one week till you see her. Would you mind reading my post about what I learned on the man site and giving me some input? Thanks!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 5:16pm

Dang!

Someone pinging *me* for advice on the male dating psyche? That's DR. az_tbone!

First, thanks for stroking my ego. Big points to you!

Ok...and this is why I stay OFF of men boards. I've never found one that was really a support group. It is usually either a 1) gripe spot for men to put down women, 2) a tally sheet for men to talk about their latest conquest, 3) a place to trade sex pointers. That's why I stay here....it's also why I have almost NO male friends....can't stand them...if I *were* a woman, I'd probably be a lesbian to avoid men!

So...on you your "problem".

Yes you two have been trading e-mails and IM's but your surprised that nothing is happening...there are three possible reasons for this...

1) He's not made the connection that YOU are interested in him, so it's not in his thought process yet when he thinks about you or talks to you.

2) He has made the connection and is not interested.

3) He has hasn't made the connection, but he is interested, but he also has the fear of rejection thing.

You have to remember that e-mail and IM is a relatively void of emotion compared to the phone. Have you talked to him yet? When I'm talking to P, I know exactly how she is feeling and her mindset....I don't have as much info on that when I IM or e-mail her

As for the men's board....what a bunch of jerks.

I do agree that your "rule" is a little out of date....but it's your rule.

I think that if you are interested, you need to talk to him at least by voice.

I have a whole big dissertation on this from a book....that I can't remember the title of.

Maybe I'll write it up and post it....it might help you women figure out us stupid men.

Now, where *IS* that trombone....gotta get my lips in shape for next weekend!

Brian

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Fri, 04-08-2005 - 7:54pm
A little more background. We met in college. He liked me and this other guy did too. I wound up dating the other guy. I got my heart broken. I always wondered what would happen if I chose him, but I wasn't able to find info on him until recently (12 years later)
Anyway, we exchanged numbers during our email conversations but we haven't spoken on the phone. In our IM conversations we talked about the past, and I actually came out and said that I chose poorly. He chocked it up to being young. Then we joked about it a bit. I sent him a college photo I had of him, and he sent me a recent photo of himself, so I sent a recent photo of me. We exchanged compliments. We shared info about his engagement gone wrong and my divorce. Every conversation ends with "take care".
I feel like a school girl....you know....where your world seems to revolve around waiting for the next email or IM. How pathetic is that? I guess I am afraid to ask him out because my own father told me a million times, if a guy wants you, he will let you know. And my dad's words have proven true so many times.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 12:27am
You know, your Dad gave you that advice a lot of years ago. Things change.
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-14-2003
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 10:59am
Actually my dad says it to this day. He's all about the man loves the chase deal. So you really think that he won't think that I am "too forward" or "easy" or any of the other things men tend to think. There was even an article on this site written by a man that said that most men get "confused" when a woman asks them out and it wasn't written that long ago. http://magazines.ivillage.com/cosmopolitan/experts/askhim/qas/0,,666475_668392,00.html
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 12:42pm

WADR to your Father. BS! I have NEVER, EVER "loved the chase". I despise "the chase". I grow tired of trying to read body language, catching subtle hints and all the other nonsense that some women go through to tell me they are interested.

If anything, I thing women love the chase, it's a game to them.

I'm never "confused" when a woman asks me out.

This is strictly and old vs. new argument, IMO.

Ultimately, you have to do what YOU feel comfortable with. With the understanding that you don't have the right to be disappointed with anyone but yourself if you don't get what you want.

This applies to anything with stygmatic rulesets.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-10-2001
Sat, 04-09-2005 - 12:47pm
As for the article....just one man's opinion. Hardly a study on the topic.