Baby Mama Drama

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Baby Mama Drama
15
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 10:02am

So, I'm really starting to like Irish. He's very attentive, and turning into a good friend so far.. but not in friend zone. We still have not kissed, but there's a tension there, and its very out in the open that we both like eachother.. lots and lots of flirting.


Anyway, I've never gone out with anyone with SO MUCH baby mama drama!!! Like not even close! Is this a deal breaker for some of you guys? As of right now she's just obsessed with getting him back it seems and he feels like she needs to get whatever it is she's got going on "out of her system" so he tolerates it all but then calls me fuming over it all. Two nights in a row she's thrown herself at him. I'm not jealous, I don't think he's going to say hey M, I'm going back to my ex is it was great have a nice life. I worry that I'm going to fall for this guy and just have this constant drama in one way or another. I told him last night.. THIS IS WHY I DON'T DATE MEN WHO HAVE NOT BEEN SINGLE FOR AT LEAST ONE YEAR!! Remember, he didn't tell me until our date was already planned and I kinda sighed and explained to him my rule and why. He did apologize after I said that.


It hasn't been that long since they split, I mean.. should I just cut them both some slack? I kinda like the path he and I are taking right now. And ya know what? I would have never gotten past date #1 if I were still smoking. So I'm really proud of myself and keep thinking wow.. just think of all the men I've been losing because of smoking!! LOL

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 10:09am

Haven't had super drama, but my first post divorce date was with a guy who kept putting off our date because he had to do stuff for his ex, like dumb little chores that could have been done later, but she had to do them NOW. He justified it by saying it was all about the kids and their mental well being. On the date he kept talking about her and even called her a bitch at one point.

I won't date separated guys for that reason. If it is not over completely (signed, sealed, delivered), a guy is not ready to move on, in my opinion.

Good job about the smoking. I think men don't like women who smoke, yet we seem to cut them slack in that department...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 11:56am

Well, i always put ME in the X drama situation ... if no one dated me b/c of MY X, id be alone FOREAVA!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 4:56pm

Ok so here is the level of psycho we're dealing with here.. he called not to long ago to tell me about how last night went.


Well, he told her she couldn't come over because he had plans the next day, a photographer friend was coming to take pics of the woods and such behind the house. She flipped and thats why she demanded coming over and such. Anyway.. he didn't want to go into details, he wanted to spare me all that. However, I did get that she tried to smash his glasses which apparently is common. And she was throwing stuff, broke a lot of things around the house, refused to leave the house, and didn't finally leave until 3pm the next day.


He was like.. so are you sure you want to date me? I said I dunno you're painting quite a pretty picture there. I said well lets put it this way.. we'll be spending time at my place for sure lol.


I told him though he has GOT to set up a schedule with the kids, and you have GOT to set RULES! I said when she asks WHY she can't come over you don't have to tell her or make up a story.. she can't come over becuase you two are NOT together anymore. And when you spend time with the kids you don't spend the time at HER place where you're abused and hit on. You do it on YOUR terms. I said seriously... you have GOT to set down the ground rules here. Then I apologized for giving my strong opinion and told him this was all new to me.. I have never dealt with drama like this, and he said no thank you and said he appreciated my opinion.


The thing is that the jury is still out on if this guy is worth all the drama or not.. I do like him, I just need to let this one play out. I just am a tad freaked out by baby mama.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-28-2008
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 5:20pm
Oh I hate drama especially baby mama drama. You should tell him if she keeps it up he can get a RO against her. Physically and verbally abusive is not okay.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sat, 11-01-2008 - 9:38pm

I think I'd look more at HIS reaction to what is going on than what SHE is doing to see if you should stick around. Is he trying to set boundaries or is he just letting her call the shots?

Only time will tell, really. Take it slow and see how it progresses, the longer he's out of the relationship with her, the better!

The boy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 7:58am
He thinks that she has to get all of this out of her system and he should just sit back and let her. He thinks that is the only way for her to move on. Who knows.. he knows her better than I do.. but this is a possible recipe for disaster.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 11-02-2008 - 9:02am

I agree. Some guys have a situation in which the ex really is a nut job, but it is true...how does he handle it?

If he jumps when she screams jump, not a good sign. If he can explain the situation to you without too much emotion, maybe he can handle it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 10:43am

Does he have family?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 11-03-2008 - 1:23pm

Well, there are certainly some reg flags and land mines here. Its unavoidable because he is new out of the relationship. If you choose to date him you will have to deal with potential drama. And he is not healed from her yet.


I bet that if he was "ready" in all aspects (ie: been single for some time and had time to adjust and be himself again) then the mam drama would not effect him like it is effecting him. A guy who is ready to move on won't be so effectded by the ex. Its still fresh to him, so this could take some time.


Its classic as to why its so hard to date too soon after the split.. I would hate to see you get hurt over this..

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2008
Tue, 11-04-2008 - 10:39pm

I dated a man for two years, and when I met him it was an almost identical situation. Let me tell you the drama NEVER stopped. She didn't have money for laundry soap, and he HAD to buy it NOW and drive it to her NOW...and if he didn't do these things he was the world's WORST father. He gave her $800 mo child support that wasn't enough so he gave her $1000 a month child support that wasn't enough so she took him to court. She got awarded $400/mo child support which was more reasonable, but if he didn't continue giving her more, then she refused to let him see his kids. She made me out to be a homewrecking bitch etc etc. I was this horrible person that ruined her happy family (when I met him he was single living alone) etc etc. She was friggin CRAZY...and he is dating her right now to this day....he never stopped the drama, and when I got tired of it, and told him he needed to call her on her BS he claimed he couldn't because of "the kids". He just wanted peace with her, which meant him doing what she wanted when she wanted. I dumped him, he was back together with her less than 24 hours later...and continues to whine and complain about how crazy she is...if he wanted to do something about it he would!

This is just my experience, so that doesn't mean it will be yours, but my advice is to watch out!

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