back after 7 years....
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| Fri, 01-13-2006 - 4:27pm |
I haven't been on these boards in 7 years...as you tell my user name is (will be a mom) - well, i am now a mom to a 7 year old - guess maybe i should change my name. To give you a quick back ground - I never got married, I wanted a baby and a friend of mine was nice enough to help me have one, we never dated, we were and are still friends. So for 7 years it has been me and my daughter. I dated a handful of guys, nothing serious and no one she ever met. In fact in my 34 years of life never dated anyone for a long time - I get bored very easily and have a major fear of commitment... i think that is enough background...so to move on to why i decided to write after all these years...which is of course A BOY!!!!
About 5 years ago a married couple bought the house next to mine - they were nice enough, but kind of weird. Well about 2 years ago they got divorced and I became friends with the guy. He is nice, cute and amazing in bed, and he lives right next door, so he can come over after my child goes to bed...it is very convenient. We have been "dating" since the end of the summer...a REALLY long time for me...i think my daughter has figured it out - although i never touch him or kiss him in front of her - but according to her he is always around and she knows that we go out to dinner a lot and so on…so my problem is...my daughter does not like him...AT ALL. I like him for now - i do not see myself growing old with him - but i do enjoy his company (did i mention the sex was really, really good???) i don't want to stop seeing him - even if i did, we would still see him, because he lives next door and I don't want to tell him that my daughter doesn't like him because then he want to have a big discussion about us, her and where we are going and what i want in the future....UGH! (he's a talker, I am NOT - I hate talking to guys about where the relationship is headed...i like to live day by day and if i keep liking the guy, fine, if not, i will move on...) so how do i convince my daughter to be nice to him??
wow. little longer than i wanted it to be...sorry. any suggestions would be appreciated.
Thanks!!!
Kathy

Kathy,
Welcome back to the board!
First of all - welcome back - I bet the 7 years went by so fast!!
I see 2 issues here. The first issue is that your daughter does not have a say in who you will date and she does not have the right to be rude to a guest or friend of yours. You are the mom and should set a firm boundary. At the same time you might want to find out WHY she feels this way - maybe it is something silly that you can reassure her on. You can also tell her why it is good for you to have adult relationships - the same way she has her own friendships - this enhances both of your lives.
The second issue is that you really should figure out why you don't want to live beyond the day to day stuff - is that an issue from a bad experience or from your childhood? Counseling or at the very least reading books and talking to others may be a good idea.
What do you really want in a mate? You are not a teenager anymore and you are a mom - so while it might be fun to just date and not think about the serious stuff, you should make sure that who you date and really get attached to is what is really good for you for the long term.
I think you should make a list of the things you cannot stand and the things you really want and then see if Mr.NextDoor meets these. Think about yourself. Then if the subject comes up you can have an honest discussion with him about your expectations.
It is very nice that you have been seeing him for a while and that he is next door. I think you are going to be okay and that you just have to talk to your daughter and to him when the timing is right for all. I would try to sort stuff out with her before anything else.
Good luck and keep us posted - we are always here for whatever you decide to do. I am sure others will have more to write, too.