Back from psyc appt ... So sad.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Back from psyc appt ... So sad.
17
Thu, 11-29-2007 - 10:20am

I *know* i should be "jumping for joy" ... saying "I told you so", etc, but -- i just cant feel "joyful", b/c everyone loses in a way.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 12:55am

I'll agree with Shrimps who agreed with Alison....


Get the restraining order NOW.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 1:30am

Ok, Getting the Restraining Order. Soonee, SO funny, ripping off the band-aid just once ... perfect analogy.


I cannot do it Friday --- & its not possible on the weekend (courts arent open). I will go to the DV center 1st thing Monday, & they will bring me to court, & get it.

I will have NO contact with him at all. He isnt supposed to be told about the new decision until monday anyway. & IF it makes you guys feel any better, i had a long talk with Aves counselor, who saw ME while we were married, & SHE said she is sort of where i am, thinking he is just a big bully & woudlnt REALLY do anything, BUT, we both agreed better safe than sorry - just get it.

Also, i asked her opinion on what & how to tell Ave & I will just tell her - on Sunday - that "Daddy has gone to see the doctor like the judge said. & the doctor made the decision that Daddy isnt being a good daddy to her, & its not good for her to see him at all right now. Daddy has to learn how to be a good daddy, with the help of the doctor ... & it may take a really long time".

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 9:35am

I do chime in with the others on the RO thing - glad to hear you are doing that Monday and that they will wait til Monday to tell him as well.

If you can't take a vacation, I think that you should go and stay somewhere else and not at your house until at least the first week passes by. Do not underestimate him. You do NOT have to tell Avery why - you can make up another excuse for her. I would try NOT to dramatize this for her - just that we are working towards doing the best thing for everyone.

I mean, couldn't you be getting out of your house because they have to spray for bugs or some such nonsense like that? Even if you stay at a friend's house, another nurse, a relative or whatever - you are NOT home. He should NOT be able to find you or Avery the first week. You can be clever what you tell her.

Just my .02

Be very careful. I do wish you could throw in a vacation.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 10:50am

Hey R-


I'm glad you are getting the RO as soon as you can. Like it's been mentioned before... a piece of paper can't stop him from DOING anything if he is going to do something. It's not going to have a force field to it, or be a metal shield! But if you feel a big threat, then that piece of paper CAN help you legally if you have to call the police to come physically remove him. I just think it's the smart and SAFE thing to do. Otherwise, you could call the police if he is threatening you... and they might be "hands tied" about being able to do anything to him in any attempt to help you.


It reminds me of the MESS that my brother is going through with his new wife. She's gone freaky-nuts on him about a million things. And my oldest brother told me to tell him to make sure he is keeping his guns safe. My brother has some guns in their house, but he hadn't worried about it. He told me "I just don't think she would do anything like that. That's not like her to get violent." and my argument back to him was that he needed to MAKE SURE. I turned on that light in his head by asking him "well, did you think she would do ANY of the anger stuff she's already done to you?!?"


And so he saw what I meant. And he went out the next day to get gun locks for all his guns. And remove a part of each weapon so they can't be loaded right (whatever that was- I'm not a gun person). So just because you don't FEEL like the person would do anything violent... they've already proved that their behavior is unpredictable and upsetting and angry and irrational... and IMO- that step into dangerous violence might just be that next unpredictable step away. Just as "out of the blue" as everything else that has already happened. You just can't trust them.


((((((((((((Hugs)))))))))))))))) big time to all of you. You know how to contact me IRL should you REALLY need to get a long distance away, though I know you have a million friends closer who could hide you and keep you safe if that came down to it. But I'm a total "unknown" to Taz- and there'd be NO way he could track you to MY house. So it's open to you whenever.


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 11:19am

"well, did you think she would do ANY of the anger stuff she's already done to you?!?"


BINGO!


~s~

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-29-2007
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 12:38pm

I'm only 4 hours by car, 3 by train. The shore is lovely this time of year.


Zen

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-04-2005
Fri, 11-30-2007 - 6:50pm

Rebecca, {{{{{ HUGS }}}} to you and Averey.


You have been shouldering this heavy load for so long.

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