Back to sexless marriage topic...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Back to sexless marriage topic...
11
Thu, 07-22-2004 - 3:58pm
We were discussing this a couple of weeks ago and I remember there was some discussion about why men can't or won't have sex with their wives, whom they love, but will go out and have a full-on sexual affair with another woman. And there was some curiosity as to why men do this... so I thought I would share this...

Well, D and I were watching a soft “adult” movie last night, basically it was in the form of a behind-the-scenes documentary about a lap dancer. She was commenting that many of her clients were married and that it is her job to be what a man’s wife, girlfriend or fiancée won’t be. It is her job to give them their fantasy, or what they can’t get at home. Then there was a scene where she had just finished a lap dancer for a guy who was engaged to be married and she was talking to him afterward and asking him some pretty poignant questions. He ended up telling her that he truly loves his fiancee’ and has a tremendous amount of respect for her and he could never ask her to do these things. He viewed them as beneath her. He felt that asking her to behave in such a way would be disrespectful of her. And so he would never ask or expect her to do anything out of the norm or “vanilla”, but he felt perfectly ok about going out and getting it somewhere else! She later went on to say that this was a very common reason why men pay her to do what she does.

So what do you think about that? IS this common? Do you know any guy who thinks this way?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Wed, 07-28-2004 - 5:18pm
Very interesting topic.

I was actually discussing this topic with a male friend the other night. He is married to a woman he no longer gets along with, but stays in the marraige because they have 9 month old twin girls. He has no problem with seeking an outside outlet for himself. He also doesn't stay with his wife and kids, rather rents out a separate house from them altogether. I asked why bother staying married if he's not even living there, doesn't do anything but fight with this woman and has had sex with her once in 2 years? He feels a sense of duty to his kids. So for him it's better to find someone else to satisfy him.


And no, he's never hit on me- he knows how I feel about it. I told him it wasn't fair that he could, in essence, move on, but his wife didn't get that choice. He actually said I made a good point. I just hope that he takes it to heart and files for divorce.

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