back.....feeling so frustrated!!
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back.....feeling so frustrated!!
| Thu, 07-03-2008 - 2:05pm |
First off..things are good for the most part...Finally bought a new car...my very 1st one!!! DD graduated high school, ds got his red belt. The ex has ditched the gf(the one he cheated on me with), so we are getting along.
Met a really nice man we've been dating a little over

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Congrats on all the good news!! As far as your new guy goes, well it could be a couple of things. Sounds like he is under alot of pressure. However, it sounds like he might be using you for money. I can't believe he asked you for rent money!! Most guys I know would have too much pride to take money for gas, let alone car payments and rent!! Also, the fact that he hung up on you when you were having a discussion where you were trying to let him know how you felt is NOT a good thing. Now you are sent to voice mail???
I wonder what would happen if you suddenly stopped helping out financially?? Two months into a relationship is NOTHING, but the things you are saying are HUGE red flags!!
Stephanie
I can certainly understand your frustration since I've been there done that too.
My guess, and this is just a guess, is that he is using the
Personally I wouldn't date a guy I had to help financially. He's a grown man, if he's not making ends meet then he has to find another source of income- and not the "borrowing" kind.
There's a HUGE difference between buying groceries when you're staying over and eating together than from just paying for someone else to eat. You should never feel obligated or relied upon to pay for someone else's lifestyle or choices. If he can't make his car payment, then he should sell the car or get a second job to help get out of a tough spot.
I would be miffed too with his reaction- it certainly DOES seem like he's mad because you didn't help him, doesn't it? You have enough on your plate to worry about budgeting for someone else's shortfall. It would be different if you were living together or married, but you're not- this is a 2 month relationship in which you've now given him how much of your money? Has he said he would pay you back?
I really thinking timing is important - and in this case - to me - you sound like you are in a much better place to be dating than your bf. I can understand that he has things out of his control with CS and stuff like that. But I really don't like that he would ask a single mom for rent money and then when she says no he doesnt want to see you and then turns it around to be like you are mad because he is spending time with the kids.
If it was me - I would have to let him go for not being good enough. Because I want to get what I give. And it sounds to me like you give a lot more than you get here.
It is pretty bad if he doesn't have money for groceries, his car payment OR rent!!!
First, great your X has moved on past OW. I know how much that would improve my situation w/ PsychoBoy, because OW has a lot at stake keeping him totally pissed at me.
As for your BF and the change of plans thing- M would do that to me until I finally said something about it. What did I say? I compared it to his other friends. I asked if he would treat any other person the way he was treating me. It is simply disrespectful to say you will get together then wait til 9pm to tell you he's made other plans. It has nothing to do with making a choice between you and his kid. He has to value his time with you. Breaking his plans at the last minute tells you that you are not that important, that he takes you for granted- that is what I'd tell him, what I told M. That is how ANYONE would feel, it is not a sign of being clingy or possessive. Point out you would have made other plans if he had told you sooner.
If you find out that he changed his plans because you could not help him with his rent? Sorry, a big old NEXT there. His finances are not your responsibility. I look at it this way, I would not have the stable financial situation that I currently have if I did not always make an effort to live within my means and to religiously put money away into savings for the future/rainy day/ unexpected disaster. Where would I be if I just gave it away to every hard on his luck relative/friend/guy I'm dating? It sounds like you can't afford to do that, you have your own financial issues. It is not being cheap, it is taking care of yourself and your child- all part of being a grownup.
So if the in a funk BF won't take your calls, send him an e-mail. This is too important an issue to just ignore.
QB
I agree with Judy on this one... he seems to have really poor money management/ responsibility skills, is living above his means and too reliant on others to solve his problems. These are all red flags to me!
Most of us are living paycheque to paycheque and struggling with money, but manage to get bills paid on time. We may have an "extravagance" here or there, but not at the expense of something else. If I couldn't make my car payment every month, struggled with paying for gas, then I would sell the car. It would SUCK, but I would have no choice.
S
Thanks for all the advice ladies...he did tell me he would pay me back for the money and it is in writing. I did suggest to him to sell things, pawn, whatever but he always has/d an excuse...hmmmmm......total red flags......I do live check to check myself. I saved all the money to buy my car and was able to pay cash. As for the
~Karen˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡Ӝ
I agree with Judy on this one: "but not to provide time and resources!"
I'm sure that he seemed great at the beginning, but after only 2 months you're experiencing this kind of set back and him asking for money as a routine, not a one time deal... isn't it 3 months before people show their "true" selves?
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