bad moment with BF and son

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2006
bad moment with BF and son
5
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 11:36am
Hello all. I'm in process of separation/divorce from DH and have begun relationship with someone which has potential to grow more serious. BF met my DS (3 yr old) very briefly once and it went fine, but the other day we were to go out for lunch together and DS got very clingy and began to howl and whine when we stopped to pick up BF at his place. BF excused himself from the outing and I left with my cranky tot, feeling extremely sad, disappointed in myself (for not preparing the moment better) and frustrated. Haven't talked to BF yet since then (not on purpose; circumstances prevent it) but will see him at work tomorrow. Just seeking anyone's advice, reassurance, warnings, etc. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 10:01pm

Welcome to the board!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 02-27-2006 - 10:29pm

Welcome to our board! We hope you stay and participate because you can learn a lot from the moms here.

To answer your question, or rather, give my opinion, I think you should slow down with BF and not include your son in your activities with him. I think it is best to develop a relationship with BF slowly over time and see if he measures up to being kid worthy.

A 3yo is going to be very needy, especially with the sudden separation of his parents. He is not going to like a new person taking up mommy's time. And most toddlers don't like anyone taking up mommy's time.

It might be a good idea to get through the divorce and back on your own two feet before you get involved with anyone now. You will be in a better place and your son will be settled.

We are here for you no matter what you decide.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2006
Tue, 02-28-2006 - 6:17am
Hi Alison and Judy, and thank you so much for the warm welcome to this board. With the passing of a little time between Saturday and now, I've settled down over the matter and have talked with a couple of experienced friends too -- plus I've read your clear-headed advice and felt your support. I agree -- it was not a good idea to bring my son into the picture yet, and things do need to move slowly and surely. This man is very special to me, and we've told each other that we love each other, but both of us are dealing with some very big challenges in our lives right now and any relationship between us MUST take some time if it's going to be solid. I haven't gotten his take on the incident yet, but my guess is that he'll feel the same way I do. If he doesn't, then I guess that's important for me to know because my kids aren't going anywhere, and anyone who wants to be with me needs to accept and understand that. Man, I feel like such a NEWBIE at all this -- because I am! Thanks again for the responses. I'll be checking in!
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 03-02-2006 - 7:29pm

It's probably better to leave your ds with a babysitter or date when he's with his father.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2006
Fri, 03-03-2006 - 5:59am
Hi Jennie, and thanks for the response. I agree, the relationship is still fairly new and everyone needs time to adjust...so things will go more slowly as far as kids meeting any new men in my life. Thanks again!