Bad news about my Cute Neighbor

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Bad news about my Cute Neighbor
11
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 11:28am

This is the Cute College Student Neighbor I met 3 weeks ago. We were hanging out with him and his friends....he walks me to my door late at night and comes on to me. Against my better judgment, we have sex. I couldn't resist...he was HOT....He decides to stop the hooking up and when I kept pressing him for a reason, he finally confessed that he had a girlfriend back home. I'm feeling very hurt, because I really like him as a person besides the sex part. We still talk and see each other in person since he's my neighbor but I can't just forget about what has happened.


I've had this

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Avatar for eponine365
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 11:44am

Its a male/female thing.. there is a disconnect between sex and feelings for men. Not all men.. but in general they're just not looking at it the same way we are. I've learned that at my age thats all the pretty boys and younger men seem to want. So if I go out with one of them my eyes are wide open. I'll admit I had a short fling with a 24 year old.. I was 35! lol. But there was a lot of honesty in that "it is what it is" and I enjoyed it, there were no hard feelings, or weird feelings.


I also try not to put a time frame on having sex with someone. I don't like to do that right away, but I don't say oh after one month, or after x amount of dates. You know when its right. I just like to see if they're interested in me.. if they keep coming back for more or not. Heck with the last guy I think I only waited two weeks! Maybe to soon, but I admit I am a horn toad lol.


I know its hard not to feel something for the guy after having sex.. been there, done that.


Also.. IMO "I have a girlfriend at home" is just as bad as "Its not you, its me" It's a cop-out, and if he was worth a damn then he wouldn't of cheated on "said girlfriend". He's a man-whore imo lol.

"I never knew what real happiness was until I got married,
and by then, it was too late."
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 3:04pm

I don't know what to tell you, except that I lived most of my 20's that way. Confusing lust/love and hoping that one would bring about the other. But with the guys I ran into then... it was always just lust and the love never showed. I was left feeling so used and so empty. But the sex was so fun...


I'm not even sure what snapped me out of it except my being married. Being married to the wrong person made me realize how much I needed to figure myself out and know FOR SURE what kind of man I wanted, not just assume anyone would fit if "we just loved enough".


I just don't think anyone could've said anything to me that would've taught me that lesson in life except just living my way through it. Eventually SOMETHING will make you tired of the "hot guy chase" and living for the attention of a fling. Believe me- I was THERE for years and couldn't figure out how to get past it, even though it was all against my better judgment as well. I knew it was a dead-end, and I knew it wouldn't lead anywhere... but yet I couldn't just say no and walk away. Every incident just made me feel worse... and it was a downward spiral from man to man to man.


Maybe it would help to just take a break from men and the man-hunt for awhile? I don't know- because sometimes even that didn't help my matters in the past.

~shrimpy


It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Tue, 06-24-2008 - 6:50pm

Sorry to hear you are hurting.... I know how irresistable the Hot 20somethings can be....


Fortunately for me, i don't have trouble playing the player right back... if he's cute and i know what i'm getting into, it's all in fun... no hurt feelings... like with my Cute Neighbor. But lately, i just haven't been interested so i stop the hotties at the door... "You're cute, but no"....lol....


I'll chat it up... flirt... make sexual induendos, etc... but i feel like... you're not getting this prize... like that Pink song "U and Ur Hand".... (i wish they had that at karaoke)... i think i feel satisfaction just from the sex offer... or making out... i don't feel like i have to go all the way just because he's expecting it.. ya know... I can be sexual with doing it... (if i got myself a BOB, i think i would have the perfect set up....lol)....


I hope you find the boundaries that you feel comfortable with.... the ones that don't leave you feeling used and hurt.... If you chose to have sex with a hottie, like i've said before, do it for YOU... not for the phone call later, or the possibility of a relationship, or for love, etc.... make a choice that you know you won't regret later... then you have that win-win situation....


Take control and KNOW that you are a PRIZE or a gift... and YOU get to chose who recieves it.


Much love,


Loonybunny


oh and editted to add: and if he's a Hottie... YOU are a winner right there my friend.... men aren't the only ones who get laid... here's a high five.




Edited 6/24/2008 6:54 pm ET by loonybunny
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Wed, 06-25-2008 - 12:11pm

Loonybunny, I'm trying to keep everything in perspective and not taking thing too seriously. I always appreciate your common sense and wisdom.


I recently took a summer

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2008
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 8:28am

Hi! I'm fairly new here and just getting my feet wet and trying to catch up on everybody, so I apologize for the this post being kind of delayed.


First of all, I'm sorry that your cute neighbor wasn't honest with you right up front - there's no excuse for that and I think we all know how that stings....oh, let's not mince words...that blows! :)


As far as getting 'lust/falling in love/love all confused' I think we've all been there at one point or another. Have you stopped to ask yourself what it is you really want in a relationship....or if you're even ready for one? If you just want sex or the adrenaline rush and the thrill of the hot guy chase, that's great. But if you truly want (and are ready for) a relationship, have you asked yourself if these 20-somethings have anything to offer other than a hot bod and a warm bed - something going on upstairs and the maturity of having really experienced life? Are they the kind of guys you would eventually want to introduce your kids to?


IMHO, I just think it's easier not to get the 'lust/falling in love/love' mixed up when you know what you want (and expect and need) going into it.


Just my .02 cents worth....


HM


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 9:18am

"I don't know what to tell you, except that I lived most of my 20's that way. Confusing lust/love and hoping that one would bring about the other. But with the guys I ran into then... it was always just lust and the love never showed. I was left feeling so used and so empty. But the sex was so fun...

I'm not even sure what snapped me out of it except my being married. Being married to the wrong person made me realize how much I needed to figure myself out and know FOR SURE what kind of man I wanted, not just assume anyone would fit if "we just loved enough". "

ITA with Shrimps!! Sorry you had to go through that!! It does hurt - but wisdom is power and you have that now - I bet you won't do that again so easy. And that is a step in the right direction. And what kind of a catch is he really - if he has a gf and is doing that with you - she can have that mess back!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 1:18pm

"I can't have sex with getting emotionally attached"


I

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 3:45pm

"Take control and KNOW that you are a PRIZE or a gift... and YOU get to chose who recieves it."

Perfect, looney, exactly how I see it.
Maybe that kind of wisdom about sex comes with age (happy birthday!)

QB

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Thu, 07-03-2008 - 5:36pm
I did.......((((HUGS)))) I'm learning to love me 1st....

~~Tiny


I love walking in the rain, because no one knows I'm crying..........

~Karen
˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡&#1244
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-18-2006
Fri, 07-04-2008 - 7:19pm

I appreciate all the replies. I really don't know what I want. I do enjoy the flirting and the thrill of the hot guy chase. I do want to fall in love with someone and be in a relationship but I don't want to be possessed or have to answer to a boyfriend/husband - I know that's contradicting myself.


Before I met the cute neighbor, I went on two dates with someone else. After the dates, I decided we were not a match.

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