Bad news from BF

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Bad news from BF
4
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 3:46pm

My BF of 1 year announced that he is going to have to work at a different job 1 hour away starting at the end of the summer. It's one of those jobs where you don't get a choice, you just have to do it. He was/is going to try to fight it, but who knows. For all I know it's something he'd like to do.

It's supposed to be temporary, but I don't think that our relationship can survive that. I have my job and my kids so it's not like I can meet up with him and stay with him because on the days I don't have my kids I'm working and we both have our kids every other weekend. It's actually a perfect situation for him because then he'll have a week off after working week on. He'd have to stay down there of course. Oh and his ex-girlfriend works where he's going to be as well. That right there is enough for me to just want to give up!!

So my problem is this. Do I stick it out with him or do I start withdrawing? I don't see the point in getting anymore invested if he's going to be gone indefinately and only seeing each other possibly every other weekend isn't enough of a relationship for me. Maybe this is a sign that it's not meant to be? I don't know. I really don't know what to do. I didn't say much to him about it when he brought it up, I didn't know what to say and I though I would give it some time to digest and get through PMS (lol). What would you do? Any thoughts?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
In reply to: isysmoon
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 9:33pm

You said he would be working week on/week off? Maybe then he could come to see you or stay with you on the weeks off?

How has your relationship been? Does he put a lot of effort into it? I dont know what I would think/feel in your position (I am just seperated and working my way to divorce at the moment), but I definitely think it would be a time to talk about where you two see the relationship heading. After a year I would think you deserve to have some idea of his intentions. And if you both want it then perhaps there is a way to work it all out.

One thought I had is that if I understood correctly, and he is working week on/week off, then perhaps he could commute. It is very common now a days for people to have a long commute with cost of living, pay issues. ANd if its only a week at a time than maybe it wouldnt be so tough. Just a thought. But either way I think its time for a talk about the directions your relationship is going...keep us posted.

--tj

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: isysmoon
Tue, 04-24-2007 - 10:15pm

That is certainly the news that no girlfriend wants to hear. I am glad that your first slant is more one of what is in this for me.

If it is temporary that is more encouraging. I would question how "temporary" is his move - is he buying and selling real estate over this?

Anyway, I don't think you can do anything for right now but sit tight and wait and see. Maybe he is going to get down there and miss you? Or maybe not.

I would not stress over the exgf - she is an ex for a reason.

I would also not turn my life upside down to travel to him. I mean a few getaways are okay - but I would not be travelling on a weekly basis. Maybe once a month. But that is just me.

See how it goes - keep us posted. No matter what you are going to do great. It is great if he comes to his senses and realizes he misses you and can't live without you. And it is great if it withers because that frees you to find someone here now ready now and into you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
In reply to: isysmoon
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 6:39am

How long will this last? If I knew it would only be temporary, and I loved or was headed toward loving the guy, I would stick it out.

If the job was indefinite and the relationship was new and/or not looking like love, I'd let it go.

It would completely depend on the situation.

Good luck, and let us know what you decide to do!

Moody, who doesn't want to go to work today


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
In reply to: isysmoon
Thu, 04-26-2007 - 3:38pm
Hey guys, thank you for all the advice and support. It's 5 months away and a lot can happen between now and then. It is a week on/off thing and during that week I think he has to stay down there and be on call as well, hence the reason they get the next week off. I can't imagine being down there kind of living in limbo for a week at a time and away from family and friends. I really don't know what will happen, it will either have us taking the "next step" in our relationship or ending things, because this job is probably indefinate. Time will tell!