been gone dealing with a lot
Find a Conversation
| Fri, 10-01-2004 - 10:37am |
But this thing with Jack is done. I've made it clear. I am NOT saying that in the future I wouldn't take starting over with him into consideration. But I was honest and sometimes brutally so - with him and myself. Bottom line is this issolation thing was BS and it really hurt me and did for a long time. Last weekend I went out - and this weekend I am too. Jack and I hardly ever went out anywhere at all. Certainly I never went out with him and his friends. He is going out with them a couple times a week now. And yes - some of them bring there girlfriends too. I was never included because whether he knew it or not consciously - he didn't think I fit what everyone else thought he should be with so there you have it. His conflict was it was what he wanted. Too bad - so sad.
I ended it nicely with a very well written letter. In fact all the friends I read it too said "WOW" when I was done reading it to them. Guys and girls alike. Very matter of fact. I wasn't accusatory or anything - just to the point and I told him that I wanted to be friends one day. When I'M ready. I foolowed it up with a little bit of a pointing out of how wrong his "secret life" with me had been and that I was better than that. That I was better than what he thought his friends and family thought he should be with and it is sad that he couldn't see that.
I know all this is true but I am still very sad. And I a kicking myself over it. If he came back - which wouldn't be for a long time if he ever does - and said he had made a HUGE mistake (which he did) and tell me and SHOW ME that he had changed then I might give him another chance. For his own sake I hope he does this - not come back but change his thinking - because otherwise he will always be unhappy. I think I told him that in the letter. That he needs to stop letting other people influence his personal decisions.
I ended it with "You only get one life Jack. Do what makes you happy and the people that really love you - FOR REAL - with be happy for (and with) you.
I didn't tell him that I loved him once in it. I think that at this point he knows how I feel and me saying it would ony be manipultative.
So that is that. Last weeked was a bunch of friends/family and some singles which were :P. This weekend my sister's neighbor who is going to help me fix up my Jeep - used to have his own Jeep shop actually - invited me to hang out with him at a upscale billiards place. He added "there will be a big group of us" meaning he wasn't asking me out on a date. Hehehehe. He seems nice but not my type at all and a few years younger. But what the hay right?
Life goes on. One thing I know....they ALLLL come back. We'll see where I am at when that happens because I am starting to think I will be way past it. So I guess there is hope. But who knows. Maybe life can be like the movies and he will change. Like I said - not for my sake - but his own - I hope he does. What a miserable person :(
Laura

I think it's great your going out and I think it's great to go out with a group of people. Nothing is safer, nor more fun then having a great time making new friends and getting to know new people.
Big hugs to you,
catherine