Being excluded

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Being excluded
34
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 5:11pm

Well, this is probably a new one.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 5:32pm

I'm not sure exactly what to say except that his choice to "uninvite" you speaks volumes.

Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 5:59pm

"I expected that since we are living together we would spend the holidays together.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 6:09pm

(((((Hugs))))) I am so sorry you are going throught this right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 6:50pm

We did talk about spending the holidays together and I even had to request time off from work for it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 6:52pm

It would be nice to get out with some friends.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 6:54pm

I'm not sure exactly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 6:55pm

Its an awful position to be in. His and yours. On one hand he has to chose between spending Christmas with his kids or with you. On the other hand you have no real control in what he does. I think he should have stuck with his original decision. Its rude to uninvite someone. There are two things for you to consider. One is this something you can live with and two do you really want to end it because of this. Both tough decisions. I would say that this is the way its going to be. Kids tend to dig in pitting parent against gf/bf. My guess is if this is the ways its been with him and the kids this is the way its going to be.

I feel for you. Its a tough place to be. I dated a man seriously for 3 years and his kids refused to have anything to do with me or my family. They made our life as difficult as possible. But nothing changed in the 3 years I dated him. I was the one who gave up.

Please try to make the holiday as best as possible. Put the situation out of your mind and just enjoy yourself.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 7:02pm

I dont like the idea of kids come first. Thats just giving the kids who are rebelling the power they need to keep rebelling. In other words the kids are getting just what they ask for....the dad to themselves. Not fair to you or to him. When my kids act up and rebel I dont give them what they want. Giving in to the kids teaches them to rebel to get what they want.

Plus I dont like the idea of letting kids think they are the center of my universe. I made that mistake with my oldest. She was my universe for many years. What I ended up with was a spoiled self centered teenager who thought I owed her the world. Well things changed and I made sure my younger two were not raised that way.

Its important for kids to know that parents have lives and other loved ones too.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 7:06pm

Here here. I agree. No use starting a life and a marriage with a man who wants to keep his kids separate from you and your kids. Thats a recipe for disaster. My old bf kept his kids separate at their request. It got to the point that when he was with them I wasnt allowed to call my bf or he wasnt allowed to call me or talk about me. It was like I didnt exist when he was with his kids. The kids were in total control. Not my cup of tea.

Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Wed, 12-24-2008 - 7:21pm

Funny you talk about the phone thing.

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