Being a single mother sucks
Find a Conversation
| Wed, 08-16-2006 - 9:31pm |
I came across this website during one of my bouts of idleness and boredom. I have 2 sons, one is almost 14 and the other is 11.
I was divorced in 2001 and can't seem to date. And of course it's hard being a single mother. Single guys are turned off by a woman with children. And because I live in a small community, I know most of the divorced ones. The only prospects are the younger guys who want to meet someone and start a family. Well, I already have a family and about to give up on love. I'm tired of waiting for Mr. Right. I'm convinced he doesn't exist.
I'm in fairly good physical shape because I exercise but this only gets the guys attracted and not really interested. You know that guy who came up with "He's just not that into you" That's the story of my life

Pages
I appreciate your response and advice. I know in my heart that what you're saying is true but yet I still find myself hoping he'll call. Sad isn't it? And the thing is my self-esteem took a huge nose dive when I got divorced and it took a lot to get where I am today. I CANNOT afford to lose any of it. I need to get back on top and the only way to do it is to get rid of him completely. The funny part is that we've known each other for awhile but never got together. He went through a bad divorce and got really hurt, He has told me in the past (before we started dating) that he's not going to fall for anyone again until he's sure that the girl loves him more than he loves her. I told him that's no way to live and getting hurt is a part of life. It's better to love and have lost blah blah blah.
What can I tell you?....I live to punish myself. It's definitely self-inflicting. And living in a small country like Jamaica is a big part of it. Everybody kows everybody. So if I date a divorcee, chances are I know his ex.
When will I meet the man of my dreams???!!!! And when will I stop punshing myself for being so bad at marriage and not holding on to my husband??!! (who I absolutely detest now)
I know what you mean about the phone thing. I was the same way when I was dating that emotionally unavailable guy. I would wish he would call and wait for the phone calls that would not come. Waiting made me feel low and the times he did call could never make up for the times he didn't call. I was so lonely.
Here's what happened though. When I finally made the definitive break from him (and that wasn't easy b/c i was so lonely and really believed he was my only chance at dating), I was RELIEVED that I didn't have to wait for my phone to ring anymore. Knowing 100% that he wasn't going to call, felt good to me.
About the small town thing, you will only see things in a negative light as long as you're mixed up with this guy. I hope you can find a way to stay away from him and start feeling better. It sounds like he is bitter over his divorce and it's not up to you to fix him. (you can't fix him)
I kinda kidnapped this from another board, but I thought it would be appropriate here.
Find a guy, who calls you beautiful instead of hot.
Who calls you back when you hang up on him.
Who will stay awake just to watch you sleep.
Wait for the guy who kisses your forehead.
Who wants to show you off to the world when you are in your sweats.
Who holds your hand in front of his friends.
Wait for the one who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares about you and how lucky he is to have you.
Wait for the one who turns to his friends and says, "...that's her."
that's a great list. Very encouraging - I want to believe that that guy is out there
Joanne
I have just recently re-discovered these boards, haven't been around in a very long time. Anyway, this thread on being a single mom sure hits home w/me. I love the message about waiting for the guy who shows you off in your sweats, calls you beautiful instead of hot, etc.
I have been divorced for almost 3 years and have dated 2 guys. One of whom is the kind that calls off and on. I have trouble meeting people because I don't go out a whole lot and the place I work at is all female except for the single fathers that come around (I work with children). It gets extremely lonely at times. Especially, like, when you are out shopping and see the couples together or things like that. Anyway, the posts here have made me feel not so alone and have made me re-affirm my decision to forget about the off-and-on guy (I have not been contacting him for quite some time, but have been wavering in my decision in recent weeks). I think I will print up that wonderful post on the type of guy to wait for and keep listening to Keith Urban's "Making Memories Of Us" and remain positive that someone like that is out there for me. :)
Well I'm here to tell you that I did it. I told that on and off guy to get lost. I know he wanted a strictly casual relationship. Our encounters were great but it left me feeling lonely inbetween. Last night I called him up and told him I couldn't be with him anymore, that I wanted that 'something special' and that I deserved it. He said he understood and agreed. ....Not that that helped but oh well, right? I do feel depressed and lonely now that I've gotten rid of him. But I know it was the right thing to do. He didn't make me feel good about myself and I would sit around waiting for him to call. That's no way to live.
I do get jealous of other couples. There is a girl I work with who's been through hard times. She lost her mother and had a stillborn child during her first marriage. She has gone on to meet a great guy with 3 children. I can't help but feel envious of her. She just had a fairytale wedding.
Since my divorce, I like you, have only 'dated' 2 guys. But I seem to always be the fallback girl. The first guy I dated was on the rebound from another relationship so he was just using me. And the 2nd....well , you know the story. It makes you feel low and worthless. I have to remind myself constantly how wonderful I am and that one day a truly worthy guy will realise that and worship the ground I walk on AND welcome my boys with open arms.
Someday.......I just have to hope.
Keep the faith,
Joanne
Pages