Best and Worst (parenting)
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Best and Worst (parenting)
| Mon, 09-04-2006 - 3:02pm |
Hi guys. I responded last week to the Wednesday Whine thread which I thought was a marvelous thing. Such a great stress reducer to have permission to whine and it is more like purging it out since nobody was responding - you were just posting and getting it out of your system.
So I was thinking about something I have been doing while being a single parent. I found out early on ( my ex left when my son was not quite 2) that one of the hardest parts of being a single mom was not having someone to bounce good and bad stuff off of at the end of a big day. And arent they all big when youa re a single parent?:) So I was talking to my Dad one day and he reminded me that he has a degree in child development and if I ever had any concerns or wanted to share thigns with him about Lucas I could do it after work each day. it turned out that what we started doing was what he entitled "best and worst" I would call after work and tell him my example that day for my best parenting and my worst. the best was in order to share it with someone who could celebrate it with me even if just for a moment and the WORST was for me to purge it out and have someone help me realize it wasnt so bad after all, remind me how human we all are and give suggestions for doing better. I immdeiately found this to be a huge relief at the end of my days and it was especially wonderful to share the worst one because even though I always felt badly about that one he almost always came back with " Oh really , thats nothing. You should hear what I did when you and your brother were that age." I think when you are divorced you really lack that person to share these things with. it makes things weigh heavily on us at night while we are reviewing our days and especially with kids schedules they way they are and if moms are at homes with the tiny ones. I mean nobody is perfect and sometimes we do such a fantastic job and lets face it - there is no parade for us afterwards or a nice sash for us to wear - we just have to learn to feel proud of ourselves!
So I wondered whether some of you might like to form a Best and Worst habit with me here on the board and have it either daily or weekly? What do you all think? My feelings wont be hurt if this isnt a hit with you guys but I was just thinking about it and I thought it was worth a post to check out your interest:)
So I was thinking about something I have been doing while being a single parent. I found out early on ( my ex left when my son was not quite 2) that one of the hardest parts of being a single mom was not having someone to bounce good and bad stuff off of at the end of a big day. And arent they all big when youa re a single parent?:) So I was talking to my Dad one day and he reminded me that he has a degree in child development and if I ever had any concerns or wanted to share thigns with him about Lucas I could do it after work each day. it turned out that what we started doing was what he entitled "best and worst" I would call after work and tell him my example that day for my best parenting and my worst. the best was in order to share it with someone who could celebrate it with me even if just for a moment and the WORST was for me to purge it out and have someone help me realize it wasnt so bad after all, remind me how human we all are and give suggestions for doing better. I immdeiately found this to be a huge relief at the end of my days and it was especially wonderful to share the worst one because even though I always felt badly about that one he almost always came back with " Oh really , thats nothing. You should hear what I did when you and your brother were that age." I think when you are divorced you really lack that person to share these things with. it makes things weigh heavily on us at night while we are reviewing our days and especially with kids schedules they way they are and if moms are at homes with the tiny ones. I mean nobody is perfect and sometimes we do such a fantastic job and lets face it - there is no parade for us afterwards or a nice sash for us to wear - we just have to learn to feel proud of ourselves!
So I wondered whether some of you might like to form a Best and Worst habit with me here on the board and have it either daily or weekly? What do you all think? My feelings wont be hurt if this isnt a hit with you guys but I was just thinking about it and I thought it was worth a post to check out your interest:)

I think this is a great idea for a weekly topic!! I put you in charge of that!!
Let's see.... my best and worst from last week:
- best - to see him charging through life with such confidence and vigor - lots of friends, activities and energy - laugh was when I saw the WW2 plane/kite he put together all by himself (I would NOT have the patience fot that one) and how it was in a landing behind his TV and desk in his room.
- worst - he duped me on "I don't have much homework, can I do it at dad's house?" to which I said okay - and then I found out he had a sheet of homework with 3 tests!! So we had to fit that into a busy schedule. That is a classic.
I am so glad you like the idea. I will be in charge of it and start it each week.
Here's mine from last week:
Best: I had the birds and the bees chat with him AGAIN and finished it this time due to incessant questions about "What happens AFTER they lie down though. I want to know exactly" I suggested a book but he actually asked me politely if I really needed a book to explain it because he knew he could just get it if I explained it to him slowly...lol. I stumbled a bit but now he gets it. He think his dad and I are a bit gross but I figure that will fade!!
Worst:A fight we had about his birthday cupcakes. HIs birthday was also the first day of school( he is 8) so I wanted to give the class cupcakes to help ceebrate. At one point in the car a few of them leaned and fell over and I asked him to go inside the foil and straighten them. He did that but then became obsessed that he had touched three of them near the icing without washing his hands and they were dirty and he shouldnt bring them. Then as we were talking about it and I was telling him not to worry he panicked because he couldnt remember which ones and there was more talk of nixing the cupcakes. It didnt seem to matter what I said and the more I reaoned the more he acted like his own lawyer in the these cupcakes are filthy trial. I pulled over and snapped at him that he was being silly and I didnt want to hear another word about the dirty cupcakes. Then when he tried to start again I said something about how I refused to fight on what was his birthday and I wasnt proceeding to school until he promised that he would say not one more word about it because it was silly and also that he wouldnt mention the dirty pucakes at school to anyone else either. He backed down and his birthday went on without a hitch but I felt guilty for losing my cool and threatening him over cupcake paranoia on his bday...Funny how dirt is never never a problem with the boy, his room is a disaster but the cupcakes had to be pristine!
OK - NEXT!
This is great, I really need this... instead of badgering my best guy friend day after day about all of this crap.
Best.... I met James' dad today. He hasn't seen James since he was 11 or so... so almost 12 years. James' mom always talked bad about him and I was neevr allowed to contact him. He drove from NC to see us, gave me a check and I felt all warm and fuzzy inside. It was the happiest feeling I have ever felt, doing something os nice for someone that really enjoyed it. He took me and the kids and my parents out to eat and it was great. I am proud of myself for doing it and my parents really enjoyed it as well and they liked him too, which we found out a lot of truths that we had always been told but were different in context and this woman, James' mom is a liar by all means, and we caught onto a few of those ourselves.
Worst.... When my 5 yr. old looked at me and said now that I am a cheerleader, I'm better than you. I said oh yeah.,.. but she doesn't understand, or at least I hope not, but I sat down and explained that to her that nobody is differnt. It takes every person in this world to make it go round. Without the garbage men we woudln't have anybody to keep our streets and houses clean of trash, without the McDonalds lady or guy there would be no one to let us have our Happy Meals, LOL, I had to throw it in and then i said and then there is the president, not a good example, look at the gas prices, ha ha, btu he helps our country ( or he may hurt it 9/11 for example ) I didn't tell her that. But I did get a little social education into my daughter.
I love this idea!
Worst: Android has a cavity, and he's been dreading an oncoming trip to the dentist, even though he's never had any cavities before, and has always enjoyed going for his cleanings. So, he was asking me a lot of questions about how his cavity will get fixed, and I explained that the dentist would give him a shot and then drill and fill the cavity, and his tooth wouldn't hurt anymore. Well, he threw a fit about the shot, and actually started crying. We were in the car, and I was in a hurry, so instead of soothing his fears, which since we weren't on the way to the dentist, seemed a little premature to me, I snapped at him to not think about it right now and brush his teeth better so he didn't get anymore cavities. Not my best moment, and I'm still sorry I snapped.
Best: We officially moved into the new place this last weekend, and both kids have been so thrilled with their new rooms. Princess Spasticka made me a "Best Mom Ever" magnet for our fridge, and I've just been flying high, since they are happy, and it shows. Sometimes it's the smallest things, like new curtains for their new windows that they get to help pick out, wash, iron and hang, that really mean the most to them!
They both start school tomorrow- the princess is a kindergartener!! Hopefully I'll have more "best" moments this week than "worst"!
Moody
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