Great question.... i look forward to hearing what everyone says... I have always dealt with this issue, too. I'm laid back and have a cool temper... I think i do really well with my children... but both of my exes had different discipline styles.... it was always an argument of who was being too harsh and who was being too lean...
I'm not looking forward to that with any future boyfriend. Sorry i don't have an answer, but that's a great question.
Me personally, I would be liviid! I don't care how long I am with a boyfriend, or even if I was married to
the guy. My kids are my business period! Yes, you need to step it up with the discipline, but he has no right to reprimand your son period! That would be a big red flag for me personally, because if he's doing the verbal at
I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing. You're learning who he is, if you don't like it or you feel it's too soon in the relationship, then you shouldn't have him around the boys that often. I just think it's a natural progression. He doesn't want to see the woman he's with spoke to disrespectfully by anyone. You are in the early stage, preblending kind of. Some men are hands off when it comes to discipling their girlfriends kids or stepkids, if you want one of those, realize it early and break it off, because as you get more serious you will constantly be in conflict about this. Or if he's good to the kids and the discipline is appropriate, look at it as a positve thing as your relationship moves forward and gets more serious.
AGREED - I don't need a man in my life that makes me feel like an inferior parent and who lectures my kids based on HIS standards. And I would tell him that!
Its funny because I have a live in bf and a 9 year old son and just last week we were in a situation where I was reprimanding my on for something in the car and for some reason, my son kept interrupting me, challenging me. He doesnt usually do that and before I knew it my bf said " wait a minute, hold on....you need to stop interrupting her or your punishment is going to really show it" and THEN THERE WAS SILENCE. I actually appreciated the support. My son was feeling defensive about something and he wouldnt let me finish a sentence and he needs to know that is not ok. He can have his say but not in the middle of mine when he is already in trouble - he needs to wait and he needs to know that his voice will be heard. My bf and I are different than you though because he lives here and we are definitely a united front because my son is with us 98% of the time. I should say that each time he has disciplined him in terms of laying down a consequence for something, he has consulted me first and we have made all decisions together with me taking the lead at what incentives we offer him for doing good. I guess we are probably lucky that we have similar parenting styles. I love having someone backing me up and it helps to be able to not carry all of that burden alone. He never did any of this before he moved in with us though and I dont think I would have responded well to it. If your parenting styles are very different now, they will be blown up larger if you guys ever cohabitate. I think it is best discussed between you two without the kids involved. You should be the one doing the discipline right now and any concerns he has with it should be brought up in private without the kids in earshot. He has every right to question you privately as he explores how different your parenting styles actually are. You should both have a realistic view on that before you ever decide to live together IMO.
Great question.... i look forward to hearing what everyone says... I have always dealt with this issue, too. I'm laid back and have a cool temper... I think i do really well with my children... but both of my exes had different discipline styles.... it was always an argument of who was being too harsh and who was being too lean...
I'm not looking forward to that with any future boyfriend. Sorry i don't have an answer, but that's a great question.
Loonybunny
Me personally, I would be liviid! I don't care how long I am with a boyfriend, or even if I was married to
the guy. My kids are my business period! Yes, you need to step it up with the discipline, but he has no right to reprimand your son period! That would be a big red flag for me personally, because if he's doing the verbal at
this point, if you do hook up with him, it
I'll agree with Taina.
I don't see anything wrong with what he's doing. You're learning who he is, if you don't like it or you feel it's too soon in the relationship, then you shouldn't have him around the boys that often. I just think it's a natural progression. He doesn't want to see the woman he's with spoke to disrespectfully by anyone. You are in the early stage, preblending kind of. Some men are hands off when it comes to discipling their girlfriends kids or stepkids, if you want one of those, realize it early and break it off, because as you get more serious you will constantly be in conflict about this. Or if he's good to the kids and the discipline is appropriate, look at it as a positve thing as your relationship moves forward and gets more serious.
Laura,
Your BF sounds like he IS trying to act like your son’s dad, especially if he is stepping in on interactions that is between your son and yourself.
"back off, buster!"
AGREED - I don't need a man in my life that makes me feel like an inferior parent and who lectures my kids based on HIS standards. And I would tell him that!
I guess we are probably lucky that we have similar parenting styles. I love having someone backing me up and it helps to be able to not carry all of that burden alone. He never did any of this before he moved in with us though and I dont think I would have responded well to it. If your parenting styles are very different now, they will be blown up larger if you guys ever cohabitate. I think it is best discussed between you two without the kids involved. You should be the one doing the discipline right now and any concerns he has with it should be brought up in private without the kids in earshot. He has every right to question you privately as he explores how different your parenting styles actually are. You should both have a realistic view on that before you ever decide to live together IMO.
Thanks to all who replied!
Good for you for communicating with him about how you feel in this situation.