BG and I talked today...UGH!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
BG and I talked today...UGH!
9
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 9:38pm

I got a text message from BG saying that he had to put all 4 of his dogs down yesterday. They had all been getting old and ill and it was just time. We all knew it was coming to but to have all 4 go at once was devastating to him. His text said "I lost 5 of my best friends this week". I guess he was counting me in that. So I wrote back that I'd call him when I could talk more. Never heard from him but that's pretty usual.

So I called this morning and I don't think I've ever heard him so low. He explained that he had gone to the vet and they were all doing poorly and the vet told him he could take them home but they'd be back in a few weeks in the same situation. So he made the decision...hard for him and his daughters. I told him sorry I was. He said that he'd had a bad week, thinking of me and all that was lost. I told him that there was nothing I could really say about that and he proceeded to ask me about my new "boyfriend" (LDD). I told him I wasn't going to discuss that either. I told him that I've decided with him to end my pattern of dating someone, getting very little out of the relationship and then leaving, only to have the person realized what they had in me after I was gone and returning, only to have things not work out. He then said that I should examine what I'm doing in the relationships to cause the person to not realize what they had. WTF!?!?!? That did it for me. What started out as a semi-productive conversation turned ridiculous. Is he kidding me? Yet again, blaming me for what happened in our relationship. He said that maybe I push too hard for the other person to have feelings they aren't ready for. Okaaaaay! I just told him that I'm tired of being blamed for everything that's wrong and it appears I made the correct decision in leaving and told him I'd talk to him later.

I'm supposed to see him next Saturday at our monthly motorcycle club meeting and that should be interesting. He said he's bringing his daughter, which he's never done and which I found interesting. I told him I wasn't going on the ride, only to the meeting and he started grilling me on where I was going and who I was going to be with and I told him it was none of his business.

Ladies, I'm more sure than ever that walking away was right. Not just because of LDD (who is an amazing person to have in my life, BTW) but because I was stuck in another relationship where I was not an equal, realized, and left. Yay for me! I do feel bad for what he's going thru (I'm not a cruel person, after all) but I know I need to harden my heart against his trying to wear me down.

Cat
Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 10:28pm
Well missy it sounds like you handled yourself very well.
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Sun, 08-10-2008 - 10:46pm
I dont usually recommend this but in your case I really think it might be best to cease all contact. I know you cared for him but he sounds absolutely toxic and manipulative to me. I just cant imagine that a relationship of any kind with him will get you anywhere but frustrated at this point. I know you have common circles, but I would just steer absolutely clear all the same.
I dated one of my DS's classmates years ago and it was a big mistake. He would never commit. I think he loved me but just couldnt trust himself or us or something - massive commitment issues. He insisted we date other people and then tracked my every move. Then when I said I couldnt take it anymore and we had to just be friends so we could move on because I wanted more, he claimed I never was sincere about my feelings for him since I was able to move on. It was a vicious cycle and for a while I tried to keep friends with him in part for my son's sake. He would say many of the things BG said to you today and grill me about who I was seeing. Like you, we ran in the same circles around school so I couldnt completely cut him off. I really wasnt dating anyone and yet he would insist I was and was hiding it from him. It was infuriating and made me more and more glad I had called it off with him. Eventually I met SYB months later and wouldnt you know it on our FIRST date I ran into this ex. A few days later I was supposed to sit for his son and mine for a playdate and I wasnt feeling well so I called to see if we could work something else out. He accused me of not being too tired to date since he had seen me out two days earlier. THat was the end. I havent spoken a word to him since. I couldnt afford to have him and this toxic vibe he always threw around messing with my head when I was just trying to move on, live my life and raise my kid. It was difficult at first. He called for a while and sent birthday emails, chain mail, etc. I deleted everything as it came in and never listened to voicemails.
The truth is if I hadnt done that, I dont know that I would have been as available to fall in love with SYB like I did. it takes energy to deal with toxic people.
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 8:19am

Sounds to me like you did the right thing!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 8:21am

Cat, you made a good decision. I noticed that he called and tried to manipulate you with guilt He did the 'woe is me I lost my dogs, will you come back to me' all in one call. He planned that. I am glad you didnt fall for it. And I know how you feel about being in a one sided relationship. I was there many times and they all came back after I broke it off asking for one more chance. I learned the hard way. They dont change. Well some do for a bit but in the long run they dont change.


Good for you for sticking with your guns and for not giving out any information on LDD.


Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 1:03pm

Geez....BG is really something. To try and make you feel sorry for him, again! I feel sad for the dogs. And for his girls...they lost four pets at once, how sad.


But as for BG, that is a manipulative thing to say "I lost 5 best friends this week". Afterall, losing you was HIS fault. And his comment about how YOU messed things up, well that is just reinforcement that you did the right thing to let him GO.


I agree with City- it might be time to cease all contact. You need to move on without his dragging you down.


HUGS!!

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 3:47pm

City says it very well - couldn't agree more!

"I dont usually recommend this but in your case I really think it might be best to cease all contact."

Especially that part!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 4:42pm
I know you guys are right about ceasing contact.
Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 08-11-2008 - 4:58pm

Cat, I fully understand what you mean.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 08-12-2008 - 3:46pm
I am glad you walked. It is HIS problem if he is angry - and you should avoid him because he is only going to keep venting and walking on you. You can't get dirty if you don't wrestle with a pig.