BG was in a motorcyle accident...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
BG was in a motorcyle accident...
12
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 5:40pm

So I'm away for the weekend with LDD for a wedding of one of his friends. We're having a wonderful, romantic, time. Dancing, wine, conversation, etc., when I get a call this morning from a mutual friend of BG and mine. BG was in a pretty bad accident (bus crossed the yellow line and BG swerved to miss and went down hard). He's being airlifted to a hospital and wanted me to know. The friend asked me to call his daughters and let them know, which I did. LDD hops in the shower and says, "we need to get you to him". I just followed his lead, not sure what to do. Part of me wants to go to him and part of me says that sends the wrong message to him about our relationship. Then I get a call from the wife of a guy that was riding with him when he went down. She told me that he had a passenger (a woman of course) and that she was pretty hurt as well. I told her I was thinking about going out to see him but she said that she wouldn't. I was glad for her advice but she said "Cat, he had a woman with him. You're with someone else now as well. I think I would just check up on him by phone, at least for now". So I told LDD that I wasn't going and that he should go on into work (he was going to call in sick so that we could have a longer weekend together). He dropped me off and promised to come back tonight and be with me. He was so sweet and supportive but we are at that stage of our relationship where we don't know each other well enough to be real confident in our commitment to each other.

So I'm at home, alone, right now...I know that BG is going to be ok. He's conscious but I don't know the extent of his injuries. And yes, I'm feeling a bit tormented by the fact that 2 weeks ago he told me he loved me and now he's on his bike with another woman. I can't deny that that hurts a little. Why!?!! I have LDD and moved on, or so I thought. Now I'm all conflicted. I'm trying to slow down my thoughts and feelings. I shared a life with him for over a year so of course I care about what happens to him but I DO NOT want to lose LDD because he thinks I'm still in love with BG. He said as we were leaving the hotel room "I'll take you to him but I won't lose you to him". I about lost it. We have been having such a great time with so much affection, respect, and fun. I was finally resting well at night because I had eliminated the drama in my life and was settling down with LDD and now this happens.

His daughters and ex-wife are going out to see BG now and I asked them to keep me posted on his condition and they assured me they would. I think I'm doing the right thing in staying away, at least for now. LDD had said that if it was him in BG's position and I walked into his hospital room, he would think that meant I still loved him and was coming back and I certainly don't want BG to thing that. Everything that was wrong with us is still wrong and I can't go back.

Thanks for listening...

Cat
Cat

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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-28-2008
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 6:10pm

Ok, the woman could of been anyone from any random situation. I mean what if it was some random girl who wanted a ride on a bike, or a friends sister who wanted a ride or what not ya know? So don't let that part bother you.


Hope he's ok.. those bike accidents can be aweful. He's alive, so I'm assuming he was wearing a helmet. Yikes.. good luck to them all :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 9:32pm

Oh wow- I hope he is/will be okay! But no- I wouldn't go see him. I think he would take it the wrong way too- and think that it would mean he still had a hold on you and will try to guilt you into changing your mind again.


Stick with LDD... and that is VERY sweet of him to offer to take you to see BG even knowing your history. He is willing to be there FOR YOU even if you are thinking of doing something he doesn't want you to do! That says alot!

~shrimpy


It's never too late to live happily ever after, and always be grateful for those who make our souls blossom.

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 10:33pm
I'm going to go out this week when the drama calms down. I'll make it clear that I'm there as his friend and fellow rider. I've gone thru the whole gamut of emotions today and I'm glad I didn't go today. It's a 90 minute drive and I don't want to go if he is not clear as to why I'm there. I will never know if I'm doing the right thing by going or not going. I just can't turn my back on him. He's in ICU with a broken pelvis and internal bleeding but he will be ok in time....a lot of time. I just refuse to be sucked back into the role I had in his life before. I'm sticking with LDD for the long haul and I'm not wavering from that.
Cat
Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 10:45pm

If you choose to go see him, is there any way to make sure LDD goes with you, or at least a fellow rider from the group? That way BG won't see it as YOU going to see HIM, and you going alone. I know you feel bad if you don't visit- but the way he's treated you, I just hope HE won't stoop to using this to guilt you again. If he was able to use his dogs for that, he would probably use this as well (which is pretty sick, IMO). I just think that if you went to visit WITH someone by your side, it would be an easier visit for you.


Hugs! I know he meant something to you at one point, and that's not something you can throw away. But remember that he trashed it already... so let it go, the best you can.


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Sun, 08-17-2008 - 11:25pm

That's what I was thinking as well. LDD may be able to go with me and that would be best for all of us. LDD is feeling a little "threatened" and I don't want that. He's afraid that I'll go back to BG and I've told him I won't but you know how that goes. If he went with me, he could see that I'm only going as a "friend" and nothing more. He said at one point that if I did go, it would only reinforce to him what a caring heart I have. Why did this have to happen now? I mean, of course I wish it would never happen to BG or anyone but LDD and I are at the critical part of getting to know and trust each other. I don't want to lose him over this.

Thanks for your input. I couldn't wait to get home today and get on this board and see what you all would say about what I should do. I know I have to do what I feel is best but it helps to have input and support as well.

Cat
Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 12:16am

SCARY!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 1:23am

LDD and I have only been together a month.

I did get to talk to BG tonight for a minute. He confirmed that he has internal bleeding that they can't trace the source of. He is in a lot of pain and thanked me for calling. I told him I would be out tomorrow to see him and he thanked me for that and said that he understood that it didn't mean anything more than friendship. Not sure I'm buying it but feel I need to be there for him.

Cat
Cat
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 7:54am

I agree that its risky to go visit BG while you are with LDD. I would treat BG like water under the bridge while you are with LDD.


Laurie

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 8:23am
I might be in the minority here but I think you are complicating your life by going to visit him in person. I MIGHT have called if I were you but going in person is asking for him to misconstrue things and it is continuing contact with someone who has been abusive to you. This man is manipulative and has proven it more than once. I know you cared about him but it is as if you are visiting the place in your heart that cared for him that way - because the person is not what you thought. I dont see that it is possible for him not to think this means he has a chance with you. He has been so cruel to you and still you are seeing him in the hospital to let him know you care. And the new guy you are with is completely correct in his feelings of insecurity right now because all you are proving in going to see him is that he still has a pull on you no matter how he has treated you. That sounds and looks like you still love him and you will have damage control to do there. You have to ask yourself what the reasons are for you to go at this point. IN your place, I would call him today or leave a message for him that you thought about things and decided you would just maintain some distance right now because of recent interactions with him.
Sorry if this sounds harsh - I truly dont mean it to be. I just really dont want you to perpetuate some of the stuff he has made you feel lately!!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 08-18-2008 - 9:02am

ITA with Citylife.

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