Bookstore browsing

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Bookstore browsing
7
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 11:14am

Came across this during my morning reading and although it is written from a man's POV, it might be helpful to some.

"The art of the bookstore pickup
By Dustin Goot
True story: A few years ago I was in a Borders skimming through Barbara Kingsolver’s The Poisonwood Bible, a story about a missionary family in the Congo. Within about 20 minutes, two cute women came up separately and started chatting with me about the book. (Trust me. This usually never happens.) Apparently, Kingsolver has a large female fan base, and I’d stumbled upon a powerful icebreaker. The experience opened my eyes: The bookstore is like a singles superstore, complete with aisles labeled according to someone’s interests. Follow these tips to a literary love connection.

Don’t wait for an opening
Yes, a bookstore is chock-full of easy icebreakers (the books, if you haven’t guessed), but that also means you’ve got to try extra hard to get someone’s attention. “In bookstores, people are usually caught up in their own thoughts and what they’re reading,” says David Wygant, author of Always Talk to Strangers. The upshot is, you can’t just stand there and hope to catch someone’s eye like you would at a bar. If you see a person you like, jump in by making a comment about the book he or she is perusing, even if that’s as simple as a “Hey, I’ve been wondering about that book, how is it?” That said, make sure to keep this next piece of advice in mind as well…

Keep it real
“Try to be truthful,” advises Jill Spiegel, author of The Flirtologist’s Guide to Dating. In other words, guys shouldn’t feign interest in yoga just because they want a slinky, flexible mate, and women who hate sports needn’t read CliffsNotes on Moneyball in order to land an athletic hunk. This will eventually backfire. Instead, try this…

Use the gift-shopping excuse
There’s no reason to ignore a cutie because you don’t care for the section he or she is browsing. Simply invoke a friend or family member who does share that hobby and say, “Hey, I’m looking for a birthday gift for someone, and it looks like you two share the same interests. Could you recommend a book you think my friend would like?” Even if that’s a lie, it’s a harmless one that can build a bridge to a real connection.

Be approachable
As I learned from my Kingsolver experience, it’s very natural for other shoppers to want to talk to you. Make it easy for them. Don’t take your books into a corner; stand and read them at the shelves, or at a table that’s in the open. Bonnie Jacobson, author of The Shy Single adds, “Every so often remind yourself to smile. This makes other people feel good and suggests you’re open to conversation.”

Let your nerd flag fly
People go to bookstores to indulge quirky, intellectual interests. Don’t hide yours. Ed Lowe, a Chicago pensions analyst, recalls the time a woman interrupted him as he read a collection of short stories by the existential philosopher Jean-Paul Sartre: “I think I said something pithy about Sartre’s thoughts on human frailty,” he recalls. Not the most romantic line, but it worked! “I invited her to my next book club meeting and we began dating,” he says. If Sartre can spark attraction, anything can!

Work the magazine rack
The action is fast and furious over by the periodicals. Since newsstand folks are looking for quick entertainment, they can be easier to engage, Wygant says. Any celebrity photo or Cosmo headline is an instant talking point, whether that’s “Any new celeb couples I should know about?” or “So… what is the number one mistake women make on a date? I’m wondering if it gels with my own opinion on that.”

Continue your conversation over coffee
Once you’ve enjoyed some initial flirtation, gauge a person’s interest right away by asking to adjourn to the bookstore café. (If the store doesn’t have one, suggest a coffee shop nearby.) Just say something like “Hey, I’d love to talk about this more, but I’m about to keel over from caffeine withdrawal. Care to grab a coffee with me?” Not only are you striking while the iron’s hot, but it can often feel like less pressure than a phone-number exchange. And yet there you are, on your first date already! Who said intellectual bookworm types can’t pack some suave moves like this?

Dustin Goot is a freelance writer based in New York City. He has also written on dating and relationships for Wired and Time Out New York. "

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 11:38am

I have met women at author book talks.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 12:53pm
Personally, I've haven't had much luck in the bookstores. I kind of look around but don't see anyone that I would want to approach. I know that sounds kind of shallow of me basing approaches on looks, but the ones I see are not very well kept and I just think to myself "Eww". I think men in this area are not 'up to snuff" on the different ways to meet quality women. They are still sitting on barstools, bending their elbows and waiting for their dream girl to walk in. Meeting people at bookstores, grocery stores, Lowes and Best Buy are just not very common as it is in other areas, not that I don't scout guys out when I go to these place ;)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 2:06pm

Those are some seriously good tips!!! And without having to hit someone over the head with a book to get their attention, either! lol (ya, pun intended)


I love-love-love bookstores!!!


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 2:58pm
I'm with you Shrimps! I could stay in a book store for hours. Loved the pun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 3:10pm
LOL I read something like this back when I first started dating, but alas, in spite of the abundance of time I spend in bookstores, no guy has ever approached me. Other women ask about books I'm picking up as they're usually book club type books and most book club folks are women. One time a guy hit on me in the grocery store but was totally not my type. Never any interest in the Home Improvement stores either, I used to think I must still give off the married vibe. Now of course, since I'm in a relationship, I definitely give off a married vibe.
I'm off to Home Depot in a few to get some things to finish this wood staining ordeal I've stupidly started. I wish the tile guys would just show up already so I could get my bathroom finished.
QueenBun, who will try not to notice any hunks in the paint/stain aisle-hah
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 3:15pm
This is good stuff - thanks for posting for us!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Fri, 01-04-2008 - 3:22pm

<<>>>>> Me too! Most of the time I get mistaken for an employee. I guess I just have that look about me. This especially happens to me when in Wal-Mart. Elderly people always stop and ask me where something is.

And go ahead...notice the hunks in the stain/paint aisle. Eye candy never hurts anyone! LOL