boy-friend and alone time

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2007
boy-friend and alone time
11
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 10:28pm

Hello everyone,


I haven't been on here in forever, I need to get better. Well I am happy to say that I have met an amazing man. We have been dating for two months now, and its been wonderful. We see each other a lot, and best of all he loves and adores my son. But of course I have a problem so last week we got into out first fight, and he said he wanted to be alone and didn't want to talk to me for a day. I was very hurt by that. He just wouldn't talk to me. So fine we got over it. Well today he texted me good morning and then I texted him back saying I didn't get to say good night to you, I was bummed. I always like to say good night. He said he didn't think that we needed to say good night to each other every night. He then said he thinks that we should one day a week not talk to each other all day, he thinks it will be good for each other. I completely disagree. I don't like that at all. I don't know what is going on, and I kind of got mad about that. Am I over reacting, or should we do that? Help ladies.


Sandra

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 11:02pm

I don’t have too much info about you and your BF, but a few things came to mind, and you can decide if they might fit or not.


~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 11:06pm

It almost all relationships there seems to be a push-pull element where one gets closer and then moves away. I see that as fear of intimacy. I would think that most of us have experienced this in our relationships especially in the early stages.

Plus in any relationship we are challenged to deal with how we are different from our partner. This enables us to practice communication on how we listen and how we convey what we want. Also this challenges our ability to accept the other and our ability to take care of ourselves.

I believe that for each of us that we act based on "good" reason(s) and values within us. Most of the time, these are unknown to us and are unconscious. His desire to give more time in between talking is based on some need of his that he wants to meet. It may be his need for independence and not wanting to be "swallowed up" by the relationship or it may be something entirely different. Regardless it is to understand that he is trying to meet his need(s) right now.

Your need may be deeper connection with him. This is the work of a relationship, i.e. how each of us still have a close relationship, deal with our own needs, and work with our partner in dealing with their needs.

Good luck,
Mark





May your soul be at rest.


May your heart remain open.


May you realize your own true nature.


May you be healed.


May you be a source of healing for the world. - a zen prayer






iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2007
Mon, 01-28-2008 - 11:33pm

Thank you for all your advice,

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 12:34am

Hi Sandra, good to see you.


I think it's just your communication style here at issue, not that he has a problem with the relationship.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 8:29am

I have to agree with what others have posted here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-21-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 9:03am

Hi there,


I agree with the OPs but in my personal opinion it sounds like the whole relationship needs to slow down.

 

Meez 3D avatar avatars games
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 9:11am

isysmoon - I couldn't agree more!!!!!! This is very well said.

I think the good thing is that he only wants one day to himself and is willing to say that upfront.

Welcome sandra_qt32 - come here and post and get your mind off of him!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 1:18pm

Hi Sandra,


I think you already got great advice here, I'm just chiming in to say I agree. I know it might feel like a sting or a personal thing at first, but chances are after you give him the space he requests, things will be back to great - even more solidlythat before. I find that to be true with men (in general, not all) that they test the waters to see if you will allow them space, and then when they get it willingly from you, they are 1) grateful to you for giving them time and 2) able to see you for who you are- confidant and with your own happy

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-26-2007
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 7:27pm

Thank you everyone for your advice, it has helped a lot. I think I need to step back and give him his space, and not get so mad at him. I'm sure at some time I will enjoy that day were we don't talk, but right now I don't like the idea at all. But like I told myself I can't always have my way. Again thank you everyone. I will keep everybody updated.


Sandra

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 01-29-2008 - 7:45pm
Maybe a positive focus can be that men tend to miss us more when we are NOT there - get busy and realize he is different from you and then you will be better I think. Keep us posted!

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