Boyfriend distant to my son
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| Wed, 12-28-2005 - 5:16pm |
I posted the following message on the "Life in Our 30s" board and I was recommended to post it here as well because I am a single mommy. Hopefully someone can shed some light on my situation. This is what I posted:
I'm not sure how to take in my current relationship. I have been dating, exclusively, a man for 18 months. We took a one month break awhile back, but otherwise have been great. I am a single mom, to a 9 year old boy. His father is not in the picture, never has been and never will be...just an FYI. I have never had an exclusive relationship since my son has been born. That's why I'm here, on this site looking for guidance.
I decided to discuss my son with my boyfriend. He is not very kid friendly and sometimes I feel like my son annoys him. States he has never been around children and has never dated a girl with a child. I told him I wish he liked my son as much as my son likes him. He said it has nothing to do with not liking my son, it has to do with keeping his distance. He said if our relationship were more serious, meaning a ring on my finger and wedding bells in the picture, he would make the effort to be more interested in my son. He said until that happens, he doesn't feel it's right to be more familiar with my son. He said he is dating me, not my son. I told him that being child friendly and not acting like my son causes tension doesn't mean you are taking on the role of dad. You can be a child's friend without being his father figure.
Am I placing too many expectations on him as a boyfriend? He is after all my boyfriend, not the dad. And he is my boyfriend because he loves me. But, when you date a single mom aren't you also dating the child? What are boyfriends of single mom's supposed to do when it comes to the child? Should you only focus on the relationship of the mom and the boyfriend and allow that to mature before the child is configured into the equation? Knowing that he feels this way, I want to ask him to stop spending the night then. (Which he only does once a week or maybe only once every other week.) Is that being silly on my part? I just don't know how to handle this since I am not familiar with how single mom's and boyfriends are supposed to act.

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I think at this point you should sit down with your bf and ask him his feelings.
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