Breath of fresh air for singles
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| Thu, 12-30-2004 - 3:42pm |
I just found this article, by Dr. Ruth, on Ivillage, and I wanted to share for all the singles. It is encouraging and has good advice. Did you know that Dear Dr. Ruth is also single? She was widowed in 1995. Imagine trying to find a date at her age, never mind with her knowledge - she would scare most guys away!! :-)
http://www.ivillage.com/relationships/experts/drruth/articles/0,,196073_649933,00.html
Why Is Everyone Still Single?
Dr. Ruth's Opinion
by Dr. Ruth Westheimer
The media is filled with articles about all the singles in America today -- 90 million of them according to CBS News. Why so many right now? There are several factors, some of which originated back in the '60s when the birth control pill was born. A little later came the mass entry of women into the workforce, giving them financial control over their lives so they no longer had to put up with a man just because he was a wage earner. And now we have shows like Sex and the City that glamorize the single life. But to my way of thinking, the "why" is not important. What is important, if you are single, is that because there are so many more singles out there, in every age group, that means there are also so many more chances for a single person to find a partner.
There was a time when being an old maid was pretty much a life sentence. And a divorcee wasn't such a hot catch either. But now people care much less about your past, and this new attitude frees people to choose any other single person to date rather than just those in the small pool of individuals who were once considered to be a good catch.
Of course, another big change that's taken place is that single people often engage in sex before they're really a couple, not to mention engaged or married. This makes it harder to solidify some relationships, because when people who are only interested in sex are in the mix, those looking for a relationship have a more difficult time finding true love. And with sexually transmitted diseases out there in epidemic numbers, that adds another level of danger.
My advice to single people -- and that includes me, as I've been a widow since 1995 -- is to have fun. If you look at dating as a chore, then you'll end up feeling that you wasted a lot of evenings. But if you make sure that the activity of the date, be it a meal at a restaurant you always wanted to try or a film you really wanted to see, holds your interest, it becomes less important whether or not your date turns into your dream lover. And what if you don't have a date? Then go out anyway, because you'll never meet anyone sitting at home watching television.

"And what if you don't have a date? Then go out anyway, because you'll never meet anyone sitting at home watching television."
Okay, I have a question. Are there people here who go out alone? If I'm out of town on business, I'll go to a restaurant alone. I'm always willing to go to a movie alone, because it seems like a pretty solitary activity. What I'm asking is about whether or not that you would go solo to a place that most people go with other people....a bar, a club or a restaurant (dinner, not lunch) in the same town you live in. I'm sure there are lots of other examples, but I can't think of any right now.
I'm just curious to know if people really do this. I've always wanted to. People are usually so much more approachable if they are alone. Of course, "they" say that you should look like you're having fun to. (I can't remember who "they" is - might even be someone from here!!) It just seems like it would be a great place to meet new people.
I'd love to hear your experiences with this.
I can do coffee shops and bookstores and such alone. I have NEVER gone to a bar alone. That would (to me) be a silent scream to be picked up. I just can't even imagine I'd be comfortable! Might work for some women, but that would just not be my style.
But now I am interested. Have any of us done this? Gone to a typical "hooking up" location alone? I want to know how that went.
Nope, because I am not looking for the kind of person who hangs out in a bar. They're not likely to have a lifestyle I'm interested in sharing.
I went once with a friend (female) just to see how it worked. I flirted, got bought a couple of beers, did some dirty dancing and then we left. It was easy to get hit on, but I wouldn't GO anywhere with anyone there. It would have been a one night grope at best and that doesn't appeal to me at all.
I go all kinds of other places alone though, as you know. I used to be uncomfortable eating out or going to have coffe by myself. But ya know, lots of other people are sitting by themselves, too. And hey, I pay for my food just like everyone else.
HEY, speaking of which, I was at my favorite mexican place yesterday (celebrating the A grade in my class) and someone from the hispanic CHURCH works there! It was so cool! I spoke a little spanish to her, and she did to me...and I understood it in general. It was fun! We wished each other a happy, prosperous New Year. I think I am going to find some good friends in that situation, besides just giving back some of my talents.
Well, I had some fun and wanted to share my story about last night.
I went to bed early because I was tired. At 10:30PM my phone rang - it was a couple of friends and they were headed to a bar to listen to music - they knew someone playing in this band - and they wanted to know if I would go, too.
I said, SURE and got up and ready. My ds was with his dad - so why not?
This bar turned out to be crazy - it was a biker bar on the beach. And the band was a hard rock band playing all kinds of classic rock - very good actually. The three of us stood out because we are not the usual type of biker bar patrons so we got all kinds of attention.
Then we went to a country western bar to eat and hear the music and check it out. The waitress brought us these shots that had whipped cream on top. Then she brought us more - they were from these guys at the bar. I asked her what they were because I had never seen those before. She said they were called blow jobs!! OMG... we were on the floor laughing.
Then the guys who bought them for us came over and tried to pick us up. Like that would do the trick!! But it was all fun.
I feel like I was up all night with my ds - 6 hours sleep - but not all at the same time.
At any rate - this was a fun night for a single mom....
That sounds like so much fun and I'll bet it was exactly what you needed!