Bringing him home..

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Bringing him home..
8
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:37pm

So, mr clueless (and I will not call him this anymore) is the one who didn't confirm date #2 until 4:15 the day of date 2 wks ago--slight drama--but great time. Things have pogressed, and I have invited him to my place tomorrow evening--hang out then go to a movie or to hear music... (d is at a friend's for the night).

It feels so different now! Except for a very brief interest of mine (who wasn't into me), but who knows D and is a family friend, I haven't brought someone I am dating home in 7 years--I feel weird about showing her room, about the pictures of her, and her art work all over the house. Not that I'm embarassed, but this new "dating" me has never been in my house since my daughter. I guess I feel self-conscious--he's never seen me as the mom.

I am really looking forward to tomorrow, but wondered--has anyone else felt this uncomfortable?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 10:08pm

Well, what I would do is to have the place picked up of course. But then I would be proud of my place and my son and our accomplishments. I am what I am - and all positive of course! We do have more to offer and have to present like that.

It is GREAT that you have her artwork - I would feature that. It will pique his interest in you.

The thing is, that it seems like we would be more attractive if we were suave and without kids, but kids have a way of forcing us to filter out the shallow types - and that is better in the long run.

The guy that is into you and intrigued by you will LOVE that you are a single mom. Kids are GREAT. And many men are NOT so great - so think of it that way.

Of course you have to come back and give us a story. We have to think of a different nickname for this one. How about Mr4:15?

LOL!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 10:28pm
I love how you say...filter out the shallow ones. Because, regardless of what he becomes to me, I don't have room for shallow people in my life. And, he seemed so please that I invited him--he's been feeling bad that I always have to get a babysitter $$$$$. And, my house is really picked up (I've been a drill sargent all week), and that helps a lot with the confidence. I'll let you know... (I like the name, Mr. 4:15)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 12:12am

Yey! That sounds like its moving along well! Good for you! & it will be nice for him to see the "real you" ... I bet he loves it!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 9:17am

Double D has met my daughter. It was a very casual thing at work on a Saturday, but yes, I felt strange. Not because of anything specific, really, but that's a huge side of me it usually takes someone a LONG time to see. Of course he knew about my kids, but now he's seen her- twice actually, and it isn't an abstract thing anymore.

As far as bringing someone home, I still haven't done it yet. Not that I'd be opposed to it, if I thought things were going well and my children were somewhere else... but I live in the middle of nowhere, and it isn't convenient, for one thing. I also haven't gotten to that point with anyone yet where I felt like this might be a relationship I'd want to progress.

With Double D, I'd be less worried about the flotsam and jetsam that accompany having children and more concerned with my house being in disarray. I've been to his apartment, and it's spotless. Of course, keeping a tidy home is a lot easier if you're the only one living in it, but as a full time mom, full time employee, and full time student, the housework is the first thing to go around here.

Moody, who has done the dishes and laundry today, but has so many other things to accomplish before tomorrow night!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 11:32am

"Of course, keeping a tidy home is a lot easier if you're the only one living in it"

LOUD burst of laughter - of course - that is totally a NO BRAINER!! My house is like a museum when I am the only one in it - and it is so so easy to keep it that way.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 1:43pm

Moody,

Don't doubt that Double D cleaned up for your visit. Every guy whose home I've visited neatened things up before I came over. Over time, as he got more comfortable, he'd loosen up- except the guy who had cleaning service and grown kids out of the house. My house is tidy in the public areas, don't look in the closets or my office or garage.

I've only had 2 guys over to my house. 3 month fling guy came by for a couple hours once, was too uncomfortable in the house I had shared w/my X. M has been here several times. Mostly we spend time at his house because I usually have at least 1 of my boys at home every day. Even though we have met one another's kids a couple times, we still try to keep them out of our time together. We joke about how we would need a huge garage and closets if we ever were to move in together, we both keep the public areas clean and have super cluttered bedrooms, offices, closets, garages.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Sat, 01-20-2007 - 6:11pm

Double D could have cleaned up before I came over, but in this particular case, it isn't likely, since we weren't planning on going to his place at all.
I think he's just one type of person (type A) and I'm all about type B. He is also naturally tidy, and I'm not. I am okay with it, my home is clean where it counts.
BUT, I feel that someone who hadn't ever lived with kids would definitely have to get used to the clutter and sheer amount of STUFF they have!

Moody, who has cleaned (some) today


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Sun, 01-21-2007 - 6:06pm
Hi there. I read all of the other posts and just wanted to make one more point. With the exception of men ( or women for that matter) who visit your home but dont want any children of their own, most guys are interested in what kind of parent/mother you are and can see it in the house with kid stuff a bit of everywhere ( even if it is tidy:)) and also pure tidbits of just you and who you are both before and after you had them. I imagine they embrace seeing the toy chests and the artwork because in their heart of hearts they know that if the two of you work out, you might mother their children as well. You are essentially showing them how great you are at this and for guys who want to be parents, that can be a very endearing quality. I know it is for my guy. They cant know this with women they might date who have never had kids because there is nothing on their resume yet after all!
I wish I had more time to clean up but I think we do okay in a fairly small place since we live in the city. We do have a mastiff puppy now who spreads his toys everywhere so tidying is a constant job. I heard a Phyllis Diller ( sp?) quote one day that has stuck with me and it is appropriate here:
"cleaning the house while the kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it is still snowing"
HAHA
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