"Broke up" with NC
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"Broke up" with NC
| Wed, 10-01-2008 - 2:19pm |
Well I originally planned to talk to NC on Monday night about things, he was coming over as we hadn't been able to see each other for the last couple weeks beyond a quick wave hello in passing due to his starting a new position etc. So I put my strong face on and was all prepared to give him "the talk" and then I found myself turning to absolute jelly in his presense and instead we had "us" time and just enjoyed the evening. He was tired. He's been tired the last 2 weeks. I was finding myself not feeling bitter, but perhaps a little sorry for myself I was allowing myself to become wrapped up in NC so much, and I needed some space. So today when he called, he asked "Is something the matter? You sound a bit down" and I replied "I've been thinking and... I'll email you a little later about it ok?" and he said "uh oh... sounds serious" so we ended up talking about it on the phone, which is what I didn't want, since i knew he was trying to get somewhere in the next 10 minutes so we were rushed. I told him, I had reached a point where I was at crossroads. I wanted more from him. Not necessarily right this minute, but eventually and I felt we needed to cut things off for now, until he'd had a chance to sort his stuff out, talk to his wife and for them to make the final decision of do or die (give their marriage one last shot at making it work, or filing papers and following through) NC was upset and immediately agreed with me "OK, I fully understand. I'll back right off" I could tell he was upset by how he was talking. I know he does really understand, but he's also confused right now. And if we come back together, I want it to be for the right reasons. But that I couldn't sit in limbo anymore of wondering when the bottom was going to drop out from under me (him telling me the wife wants to work things out). He would do anything for his kids. That includes working on a marriage until he dies if it means the kids are happier for it. One of the reasons I like him so much. Selfless when it comes to his kids. But I had to give MM an answer too. I like him, like spending time with him. He wants to move forward. If I'm not ready, he understands but I'm not being fair to him. I'm ditching a great guy, for one who can't commit right now because of his current situation. So I had to make some tuff decisions (don't seem tough, but trust me, they were) and I feel I'm doing the right thing. If things are meant to be, they will be. So that's where I'm at. Still seeing MM here & there, and as of now, not seeing NC until further notice....

I think you definitely made the right decision. It was way to much stress on you and MAYBE this will make him really think what's best for him and realize how much he cares for you and his happiness with. That living only for the kids and staying in a marriage that is unhappy isn't the answer. I hope it all works out for you! Big big big hugs again!!!
thanks :) it sucks. I'm in the same boat with soccermom. Wanting an answer and wanting it RIGHT NOW. I talked with NC and he said he & the wife and sitting down for "the talk" this thanksgiving weekend (in Canada, its next weekend 11-12) to decide what they're going to do. If they're ending their marriage, how to explain it to their 2 kids etc. and figure out where to go from there.
So I told him after that weekend, we could talk again beit closure or about us picking up where we left off. To be honest, I really have no idea which way this is going to go. I don't want to cheer on the ending of a marriage. Know what I mean? And I feel that NC has developed definite feelings for me over the past few months. But at the same time, I feel so guarded in the fact that NC could come back in the next week & half and say
((((((hugs!!!)))))
I am sorry that
Just got this email from NC in response to my email to him earlier today:
"You make total sense and I understand everything. Does that make me weird or understanding????lol Anyway, you are right in every way and I wish the best for you as well. I wish I could foretell the future but I can't........... I am just a cop with limited understanding. Thank you for making life great for the time and sharing experiences with me. You will always be in my heart and mind. Take care."
D
I just don't know. Because absolutely, I wouldn't want to be the rebound, but knowing a divorce is going through WOULD make things different because it would mean he has resigned from his marriage. If that makes sense at all. I'm not looking for commitement from him immediately, or even soon. But right now, I'm the other woman, even tho they've been seperated so long. Until divorce papers are in place, I can't explain it. It just makes it different. He's a really great guy. I just wish I knew what was what. Like fast forward in a way. But at the same time, moving on, for the time being, feels like the thing I should be doing. Because if I let myself get so hung up, so consumed, then I won't want to get back into the dating pool.
moving on, for the time being, feels like the thing I should be doing. Because if I let myself get so hung up, so consumed, then I won't want to get back into the dating pool.
I agree 110 percent. Basically in the email it's nice...you can tell he cares for you and enjoys being with you. However you can also tell that he is saying " Thank you for making life great for the time"... and that he needs to go and settle things. He sounds resolved in this, like he knows this is best for everyone. And any decent guy would not want or expect you to sit around and wait for him because who knows what he will do anyway?
I know that it will take time..a few days, weeks maybe to feel better about it. But in time I feel certain that you will see with clarity that he needs to go do this and that you need to be free to and not stuck waiting for a maybe.
ETA: I believe in the laws of probability. There tens of hundreds of single emotionally available men out there and somewhere in that mix is a very special one who is sitting there, right now, wishingnhe had someone special like you. It may seem like the odds are against you to find him. But one thing for certain is that you would find him if NC is taking up your hearts parking spot. Right?
I think you made a good decision. Why put time and effort into a relationship with a man who doesnt even know if he is taken or not?!
Laurie