Building a LTR with a single mom

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Building a LTR with a single mom
42
Tue, 04-17-2007 - 4:10pm
I've recently started dating a 20 yr old single mom (im 23) with a 14 month old son. This experience is unlike any other relationship I've had. Right now the only problems I've encountered have occured as of late. It seems to me that the "puppy love" stage has already passed for her, as today is our 1st month anniversary. Given both of our dating histories, I felt this was a day worthy of a little celebration and bought her a dozen roses. While she appreciated the flowers she felt that I was overly excited for it being only a month. Also she is delegating less of her time to spending with me in favor of going out with old freinds and clubbing. I understand she has to have her own time to spend with out me, but it felt very sudden. The other troubling thing is its been almost a week since we've been intimate, and given her plans for the rest of the week, this could become two weeks. This early on in a relationship, I don't expect the passion to die out so quickly. I don't know if its a test she's conducting to make sure im not just dating her for the "nooky" but my past experiences with women tell me that she's losing interest. Am I just overanalyzing (as she believes) or should I be worried things are coming to a screeching halt? She says she loves me and she's not going anywhere but its difficult for me to believe that.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 7:26pm

Honestly, I think you're pushing too hard.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 7:58pm

Have something exciting to talk about the next time you see her rather than backing her into a corner saying "come talk to me, you're ignoring me and I want to talk to you..."


Well said!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Sun, 04-22-2007 - 9:12pm
well i guess we just had our first "fight". she never called me after she left her son's grandmothers so i sent her text. we exchanged message for about 20 minutes and when i was getting tired of typing i tried to call and she wouldnt pick up. basically the convo ended with her telling me to "not try to fix what made her angry and trying to would only push me deeper into the sh*t hole'. i had attempted to convey the basics of where what she wants and what i want are clashing and only got hostility. I gave up after the sh*thole message. As far as i feel right now, we are just turning out to be too different to make a couple. Im going to give her a few days to cool off.. actually im going to not call, text, etc until she see it fit to contact me. But i think i may just be delaying the enivitable.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 2:11pm

well everyone, im sad to say that i think its over. She called me today and asked when id be home so she could pick up her things. When i got home she was sitting on the steps with her ex bf and son's father ( the abusive one). She was wearing a pocket knife on her waist, i wonder if she expected me to start something?... so i let her in but told her that the ex was not welcome in. She came in and her and i grabbed anything that was hers and put it in the nightstand she had bought to store her clothes here and i put it out in the hallway. He carried it down and they left.

She said nothing to the effect that it was over but i think it was evident what happened. She didnt say goodbye and had no look of remorse or regret in her eyes. so this may be my last post on the subject. I'd appreciate any feedback you all have about what i should do now, such as how to act when i see her at work, who i should tell the details of the break up too (we have mutual freinds) and what should i ask myself if this is only a temporary thing and she decides that she acted too harshly and wants to try again?...

My freind jack will get me through the night, but i think ill be handle this break up much better than i have in the past, due to the fact that i really had a week to prepare for it and remind myself that shes not "the only fish in the sea" as dated as the saying goes. thank you all for helping me thru this... you all have been truely wonderful.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 3:18pm

Sorry to hear things didn't work out, that's always a hard blow- even if you see it coming.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 4:07pm

you are right, i should be corugable (sp?) basically freindly with out showing the hurt. My only question not addressed was what should i do if she does another 180 degree turn and decides that splitting up isnt what she wanted to do.. Historically ive given very few second chances. But this early into a relationship confuses me whether it would just be reseting the speed of which we dated or should i take it more of a sign that things wouldnt work out in the long run? .. The male brain is unable to fully understand women, at least thats my opinion. lol.

The one thing i do know is that she is going to catch flack from her freinds and family about this desicion whether they here it from me or not...

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 5:37pm

If she decides to do a 180, that's her perogative- don't be there for her if she does, and don't sit around hoping that she will.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 04-23-2007 - 10:04pm

It's over, you betcha.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 1:06pm

hiya's!... well just wanted to let ya'll know how today went. This was the first day ive had to work with her since the text message breakup.. Im feeling pretty good about myself and my ability to move on from this but i still have a lil overanalyzing to do.. I did try to greet her nicely when i saw her but the words disappeared from my lips and i just kept walking. She avoided eye contact completely and had a generally despressed aura ( maybe submissive anger?).. Add in the fact she was almost an hour late to work.. Leads me to think that she was afraid to see me , whether it be remorse or just angry at me for not being who she wanted me to be..

I did have to talk to her once today becuase im not trained to use a register for price checks. she checked it and answered me blunty. I left at noon which is the same time they send her on her lunch break and she saw me walking into the small room where the timeclock is and purposely turned away and " looked at the cats" ( we have an adoption center) just long enough for me to punch out and walk past her so she didnt have to see me.. I mean, how childish?!.. The other thing i found funny was that she also parked her car outside the normal area where employees do , just to be away from my car. I think i got the better end out of this deal.. Shes acting so childish now, that this break up probably saved me a lot of trouble down the road..

BTW, i've helped my emotionally recovery by going out these past 2 nights, rebuilding my socail life and remembering to just have a good time and not waste time dwelling on things that cant be.. ( i used to do that horribly and have old scars to prove it).. Its just not worth it.

Thank you all, this board is awesome

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2007
Wed, 04-25-2007 - 2:09pm

Even just reading your last post, you sound like you are doing MUCH better!

--tj