Can FWB Work?

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2005
Can FWB Work?
21
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 4:22am

I've always been curious to know how this could work?


The down side to FWB is that someone can get hurt.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2006
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 5:06am

Bad idea...I am speaking from experience...My relationship before MCDAD was FWB...things get too complicated....feelings will come into play on both sides at some point.

~Karen
˙·٠•●♥Ƹ̵̡&#1244
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 7:37am

Works for me. I have had 2 FWB situations recently (last couple years). One was someone 10 yrs my jr, who I would never have anything long term. But it was a sporadic relationship since he lives an hour away.


But i have a current one - thats been about 14+ months long. He is 14 yrs my senior. We were accquaintences for 20+ yrs, & always had an attraction, but we were both married. Now we arent. He woudlnt be my "type" for a long term relationship. We see each other about weekly, he helps me around the house when I need thinsg fixed, we do dinner/movie stuff once a week & yes, the dates end with sex. Which is incredible for both of us. Both of us know the other one dates - although we dont really talk much about it. But neither of us has any expectations for the other, & visa versa. Its worked out perfectly well, & I cant see, after 14 months of this, either of us getting "attached" at THIS point in the game.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 8:30am

In my mind, it is a bad idea. I feel that one person is bound to get hurt and both are wasting time in what could be spent to build a better life and find the right person. From what I have seen in the stories here, women tend to get too attached emotionally and they hope that it will go different after thinking they are okay with it initially.

And in your case you always thought and hoped it was different and it wasn't and you have given 3 years of your life and disappointed hopes and sadness.

We do have some exceptions - but they are very few and far between. I would not do it. And I would be more clear about what I want right in the beginning and work hard at not getting intimate too soon so that a relationship can develop and both parties know exactly where they stand. But that is just me.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 8:50am

In my experience it can work.... I had a successful FWB last year... lasted 5 months. He was in the military... told me straight up in the beginning that he wasn't relationship material.... mainly because he's on deployment most of the year... I felt that as a single mom, that i ddn't have time for a relationship myself... but we were both very attracted to each other physically and had a connection.... the sex was great....


I cared about him as a person sure but i didn't get really emotionally involved... so it is possible for an FWB to work.... two people need to stay on the same page though....


As for my current boyfriend, i think it's sweet that he most certainly doesn't want an FWB... he tells me all the time, he much prefers talkng to me and spendng lots of time together.... he doesn't want me to just come over at 2 am for sex and leave...

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 9:24am

I won't say it would ALWAYS be a bad idea, as I've seen people who have been in it, and it's okay.


But for ME... it's a bad idea. Too many feelings are linked up with the sexual experience, and for me to be comfortable being with someone that intimately, there HAS to be some feelings involved. I've tried in the past to "go there" and pretend it doesn't matter... but the FWB situation just doesn't work for me. So I know to NOT even go there again.


It's an individual thing... and like the others have said- for it to work, BOTH people involved have to understand the ramifications of it, and not try to fool themselves that they can stay emotionally detached, if they are the type who can't stay detached (like me). Sex will always lead to attachment for me, even I might've jumped into it without attachment first in the past. Of course, in my WISE OLD YEARS (lol)... I've learned to not even have the sex UNTIL the attachment is there FIRST... otherwise I get hurt (or I have to hurt the other person).


~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 9:34am

Looney said---"I cared about him as a person sure but i didn't get really emotionally involved... so it is possible for an FWB to work.... two people need to stay on the same page though...."


That is the key.

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 10:02am

its working for me right now - because its all either of us wants at this time.

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 10:48am

It has in the past worked well for me because I'm not interested in a serious relationship at this point


in my life.

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 12:25pm

I think it's rare that two people can be on the same emotional or level of understanding (to be able to seperate love from sex) at the same time.


If one of the FWB finds true love outside and becomes committed it could cause resentment. The one left standing might feel resentful that the other commits finally to someone else.


Case in point. Blue Eyes has an ex that was really more of a FWB than anything. When he got involved with me in an exclusive relationship, she became resentful and manipulative, even though she swore up and down the whole time they were FWB that she did not care who else would enter his life.


So I can see there are most likely more complications thans not. However I've seen a few examples like here on the board where it works. So..no easy answer?


Is this a situation you are considering?


~Pacific~



Edited 5/2/2008 12:26 pm ET by pacific_sun
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: l81morex
Fri, 05-02-2008 - 2:27pm

For you with this woman, that's all your "relationship" was.


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