Can I pick your brains ladies?

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Can I pick your brains ladies?
24
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 8:58am

Ok, In an effort to better see how I am viewed by the oppossite sex, I am wanting your honest opinions on these situations/questions.

I have been told these past statements in the past year when trying OLD (which to this moment is effective in weeding out different ideals of what I want, but has not been very effective).

Background - I have been divorced since 2006, my son is 2 years old. I am 31 years old. I have self esteem issues and I am working on these on a daily basis. My question is to better make myself a whole person BEFORE I try to date again I want to ask the ladies on this board for help!

Situation/Question #1 - I have been told that I seek the bad/negative out in every situation - this from men that when I point out that I am not being treated very nicely or that they are playing games - I get the old you are being negative. How is a proactive way for me to deal with these type of situations? I am just talking to the people at this point/went out for 1-2 dates. Pretty much one man in particular, he wants to date but will never make the first move...I say he is playing games and he gets defensive and says I am being negative! WTH! Don't get it, I don't have time for games with people. I just figure I have a life and if he is not "grown up" enough to ask me out, this is stupid!

Sorry for my rambling...just don't get it! Confusing situation that I have to pull myself away from!

Christy
Mommy to ds 2 yrs old (weird to not say xx months old!)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Mon, 03-03-2008 - 10:32pm

Christy, you are right on target with this:
I just feel like if he really wanted to date me, make an effort!

I agree!! It is up to him to call to make dates and work around your schedule. He sounds like way too much work to me. I would say NEXT and find someone nice who is into you and who can call and make time for you.

There are plenty like that. It is not you, it is him!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 12:31am
I make it perfectly clear that I'm not looking for an email buddy. Its an online dating service. I pay money to meet someone that wants to date me, not have a penpal. I have plenty of those. If I find a guy doesn't ask me out by the first week or the first dozen emails (depends on which comes faster), I mention it in a light tone, when he has the intention of asking me out. If I still get a flip flop and someone doesn't pull towards the idea, I let him know on a second notice that I'm not looking for a email buddy. If that doesn't get a set date to meet then he's nexted. I have no time for the nonsense. I either ignore guys like this or I let them know I am no longer interested. Some situations depend on the moment, but most of the time, I just feel it's a waste of my time and like Alison said, they can waffle someplace else.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 5:55am

Exactly. Or I would like to add to your list - the dodo who calls and calls to blab his story when it is convenient for him and then never makes plans or assumes right when he is bored and wants something to do you will drop everything and go with him. NOT!

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 7:39am

The guy that I told last night (the guy who sent the joke) that I found it rude behaviour, sent me an email this morning saying: If I would have had a good date and you a great date, would that made you happy? Grow up your wound pretty tight.


iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:15am
Maybe he is married? Horrors!!
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:24am

No, he isn't married. He had his pic posted the whole time until Sunday and I didn't contact him, I waited for him to contact me. He did in that joke, but then that was it. I asked him how his date went Saturday and if that is why he hid his profile. All he wrote was: spectacular.


Just rude behaviour. Nothing more. However, he was taking WAY to long to ask me out anyway, so it doesn't really matter. I knew he was a dud last week.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:36am

Okay - I was just thinking - hiding the profile, waffling, that COULD be married, right? You never know with all of these guys. :-)

I had one here who sent this really stupid joke about what people do when they are drunk. I am sure he was trying to be funny - but it was so stupid and a turn off - so I just deleted his message.

I cannot believe the amount of over 45 or 50 and never been married ones who are on right now - are you seeing a lot of those? I will not risk my time or patience on any more of them.

I did find quite a few good links on widowers - so if this one gets serious or you are curious I can find and paste the links. I would definitely date a widower.

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:43am

ooooooo, send me the link. We are going to have lunch this week.


I agree, I think a widower (depending on how long it's been) may be the better choice.


Judy, I completely agree with the amount of men that are not married. It is very abundent and I too don't want to waste my time. Also, I am noticing soo many divorced guys that make innuendos about affection, cuddling, being a good kisser (is a must) sort of thing on the profile. I just find it uncalled for. There are so many macho guys and I have told several that I don't want to be touched on the first date. You can tell the one's that respect that and the one's that say I am being a little too "uptight". I can then pretty much

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 8:51am

I agree about the touchy stuff.

The thing is - we women crave affection, conversation and attention/companionship. And while men like those, most of them crave touch and sex.

I guess what we have to determine, is the ones capable and wanting of the relationship and not just the sex.

The one thing I like about the OLD profiles is that you can really read between the lines in most cases if a guy is just wanting sex or if he truly wants a good woman who is a match. I think you can tell that too by the conversation and how he sets up the first date. It is all about the intention and details.

One thing that is good for you - even though you are frustrated at so many dingers - you are getting a lot of attention!! And that is good!! Must be your cute pic!!

Okay- here are the links:

http://boomers.msn.com/articledp.aspx?cp-documentid=393979 - I thought this
one was very positive and realistic

http://www2.thirdage.com/articles/top-five-issues-consider-when-dating-widow
-or-widower - this one has good tips about the kids and if it is a rebound
and stuff like that.

I think they sound good - but it probably takes time for them to get used to a new person - and there are events and dates that can throw them into mourning again - but I guess you have to not take that personally and know it is not about you. I found all that interesting.

Okay - keep us posted!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2007
Tue, 03-04-2008 - 11:37pm

Males/Females - How do you meet a decent man (for me since I am female)?
I have never had a good relationship, I pray, etc. that someday I will find my something special. Well, nothing thus far. Heartbreaking... :-(

Christy
Mommy to ds 2 yrs old