Can I trade him in?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Can I trade him in?
37
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 10:37am

I've been angry for the last 24 hours and did some soul searching and am now just hurt.


On Saturday night I had a third showing with the same couple.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 12:02pm

Well first of all, yay for your third showing! I hope the couple comes through and makes the offer. That is good news!


As for EG, since I am on the outside, the way I would take that is that he truly wishes his home was better so that you would enjoy it more. Maybe he really wants you to be happy there, and so he worries about it being just right? I know that BE felt like that- he really wanted everything to be in order first but it just did not happen like that. And actually it turned out fine becasue now we are doing home improvements together.


I know that the statement probably felt to you like he was saying he was not ready. But if you ask him I imagine that he really is, but he just wants things to be just right for you? Is that possible?


pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 12:10pm

I know that the statement probably felt to you like he was saying he was not ready. But if you ask him I imagine that he really is, but he just wants things to be just right for you? Is that possible?


Who know with him!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 12:46pm

My thought is that if he TRULY wanted to move forward he'd be making the moves to do so.

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 12:56pm

I just don't know any more.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 1:06pm

His work days that require overnights or working late happen during "our time"


That would be difficult for me, and I understand your feelings. When you only have so much time...it sucks to have that time taken away by other things. You need connection time, time to be a couple. This has been an issue with you two for quite sometime if I remember right. EG seems to have different priorities as far as how his time is spent? Or is it his work and he can't change it? If he has no control over his time then it is something that you will have to decide to live with or not.


If he can change things but is reluctant to, I would have another talk. This time telling him that you have done everything you can to work on yourself and not push him. You've not pushed, you've not been controlling. You've focued on staying busy. But you're feeling a void in the relationship. And that if he does not feel the void you may be both on very different planes as far as basic needs in a relationship. Does not make either of you wrong, just different. And in the long run if he can't compromise a bit

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 2:13pm

Ugh! I'm not sure how I would handle this. We've had our own issues as you know. I have changed how I approach it all in general and we are both much happier. I would sometimes like for us to spend more time together but neither of us has total control over our schedules which makes it frustrating. I have decided to be less accommodating but also less demanding.

I guess this weekend was a good example. I had initially thought that we would spend a lot of time together when my kids go on their weekend with their dad. Well, he often ends up busy with work or other commitments and I'm left angry over it. Instead of expecting all that free time from him, I simply made plans to do things when they would be gone and decided if he wanted to spend time with me he would make time when I wasn't busy. After all this is what I did before we lived together. I don't know why I expected it to be different now. So I had plans to meet my girlfriends for dinner and drinks after work on Friday. I had no plans to come home from work and told him such. He called the restaurant we were at and ordered 2 bottles of wine for our table. Sweet and thoughtful. He was home when I got there (having been driven home by a friend) and spent some time with the two of us and after she left we spent a few hours talking. I slept in on Saturday and we went to lunch then he dropped me at my car and took his son to play cards. I met a girlfriend at the mall. We went to dinner Saturday night and watched a movie in. Went to a play on Sunday afternoon then I went to pick up my kids and he went to finish building the pinewood derby car with his son. We were both happy.

The weekends that my kids go to visit their dad change from time to time. It is supposed to be every-other-weekend. Well he keeps them at his moms and she sometimes is having company from out of town or a dinner party or something and needs to change. She had asked me to switch the weekend of 2/7 for 2/14 and I said fine. She then just sent me an e-mail saying that her plans changed and the weekend of 2/7 is fine after all. Of course I said ok. So now my plans have changed and it really wasn't within my control. He won't be upset. We had made no plans for 2/14.

I know this is a bit different. I would think that being engaged you would want to set a date and start thinking about making a home together. Think talking about setting a date and moving forward would be where I would want to go if I were you. The schedule things can be frustrating but it is what it is.

HTH
Priscilla

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 2:29pm

" I really want to sell it so I can move my life foward you know?


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-20-2007
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 2:44pm

"More and more I feel like I'm being banished to my town during my kid times. There's ZERO effort for us to have any kind of time together if I have my kids."

So you two have been dating for 3 YEARS, and he doesn't spend time with you AND your children? Am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 2:47pm

No I'm definately selling for my own well being.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 01-26-2009 - 3:14pm

"As for my line?


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