Can I whine for a minute

Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Can I whine for a minute
12
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:00pm
It's totally small and silly but we went through the new house yesterday and I just wanted to cry. Yes, I do still like it and yes, the kitchen and dining room are just as I remembered and the living room is fine. But I didn't really get a good look at the main bathroom the first time we saw it because the sellers were there and the wife was glaring at us to get out. And it's soooooo much worse than I remembered. And the bedroom doors are totally see through for the upper portion of them (they're bifold doors with glass, completely IMO inappropriate for a bedroom, especially one that doesn't have any other sitting room or anything attached that would make it more private) and no latching mechanism at all. So, I'm immediately going to have to make curtains for them before we can even move in so that dh feels like he can at least get dressed in his own bedroom. And while we do have plans to remodel the bathroom, it's probably going to be a bit more work than we'd first anticipated and dh has promised to do it since he can do it himself but is making sure I understand that he'll need a break between moving and undertaking that project which I totally understand. But there's this huge fear I have that I can't really articulate to him, that we'll get moved in and then think we need to take a break and then six months or a year down the road, it still won't be done. One of the reasons I can't fully explain that to him is that he blows it off a bit(the oh, that won't happen) and if I really make it clear then he'd see that as an attack on his integrity, like I think he won't live up to promises. And it's not that at all. I just know how easy it is to have a home improvement project that you keep meaning to do and something always comes up, ya know. And unfortunately, when I had a chance to really look at it last night, it's not just that the bathroom is ugly but also, there are some just plain functional, practical problems. For example, beautifully tiled shower walls but the part between the shower and tub is not caulked and has a material (I don't know what it's called but dh does) that really isn't appropriate for water so it's peeling off. I know I'm just overreacting because I'm hormonal right now, there's the stress of just buying a house and moving period. But I'm just not feeling really upbeat about it at the moment and feel like I should be so excited. Ya know. I mean it's a good house, everyone thinks we got a great deal and it "felt" good the first time I walked in so the gut was definitely on board. Anyway, thanks for letting me whine.

Pages

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:26pm

Whine away!


I'd feel the same way.


I really think that MG should allow you to better articulate your concerns, instead of being defensive. Then you'd feel happier and more at ease about moving in, and he'd have a happy content wife, which is always a bonus. You are right. It's valid to take a little time off between, but your concern is ALSO very valid. Hey, we know how men are. They have very few concerns about little niceties like we do!


When J and I were house shopping (and will be again next year) he REALLY was stressing that even though he knows I have rather "finicky" tastes, he is wanting to be sure we get SOMEWHAT of a fixer-upper so we can make some good money off of it in a resell. I told him that was just fine with me. I could deal with rough bathrooms/kitchen and bad carpet and paint/wall paper that needs to be redone. AS LONG AS we got right to it. I told him I was not willing to live in ugly for a year or more before we started working. So whatever we bought, repairs would have to be in the budget as well, right away. We will do it ourselves, but I MUST see us working toward making it better...or I'll just be a grumpy wife. ;) He said he understood and agreed. I will most definitely be re-stressing that point when we get closer to being ready to buy. It's either that, or we're buying new and enjoying it. We can afford it, but it won't be as quick of a money maker for re-selling as a fixer-upper in a good neighborhood would be, and that's what HE wants. I can go along with that part of his needs if he goes along with mine.

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 12:57pm
Thanks. That's just the problem--he's acting like he'll get to it right away (read no later than August) but I love him more than life itself but he's famous for his procrastination. I told him today that I'd just have to hope that it really bugs the heck out of him so he'll be motivated to do it soon. Not that I'm not enough motivation but you know what I mean. It's mostly that it's worse than I'd remembered and that this is one of the things that we need and want to do with the house that other than the flooring (which still involves him pulling out the toliet, tub, and cabinet-so basically doing the project) I CAN'T do myself no matter how badly I want to; it's something he absolutely has to do and that means I have to wait for him to be ready to do it. The downstairs bathroom I can go ahead and do the flooring because it's just the shower stall that needs help there and I won't be needing to remove that in order to do it. I guess what it boils down to is that I thought the bathroom was in better shape, just ugly and that I could deal with it a bit better for a couple months while I waited. And that anytime I have to rely on someone else to do stuff, I feel very vulnerable. I'm used to doing stuff on my own, ya know. But thank you, at least you didn't act like I was just super petty and crazy. I want a nap, some chocolate, a massage and some wine LOL.
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 1:21pm

Wow, you don't want much huh? LOL!!!


Yeah, marriage and having to wait for and depend on someone else for gratification...fun huh? :)

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 3:27pm
Well there is that. LOL We talked a bit later today because we got our final loan commitment from the underwriter (we close next Friday) and although I'm driving him crazy, he does understand. I know I'm just being silly; this hardly counts as a real problem. I was teasing him though that if he didn't get around to starting on it for 6 months that I'm just going to call a contractor. Idle threat of course since we can do the complete remodel with jetted tub, new fixtures, new vanity cabinet and sink, and flooring for $800 and I know I couldn't touch a contractor for that. But he seemed to get the helplessness I feel in not being able to just do it myself and he did admit about some things he's a procrastinator. But when I bought a faucet for the kitchen sink, he installed it that day so there is hope. Maybe if it looks like a big delay, I'll just go buy the tub we picked out at Home Depot and have it delivered. LOL But thanks for letting me process.
Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 3:51pm

ROTFLOL!!!! I love it!


I'll just go buy the tub we picked out at Home Depot and have it delivered


Yeah, and balance it at a crazy angle on top of the other installed old one. "Um, honey. Did you have plans tonight? You didn't need a bath did you?" :)


See, we gals have more control than we realize sometimes! J always does tell me I win more than I THINK I do...

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 4:16pm

Buyer's remorse!

Kim

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 4:51pm
I know how you feel! I recently bought a house in February and went through the same feelings. Although my house is new, there are still several things that we have to do and have done to it. Like putting in a fence in the backyard, and a lawn, and shelves in the garage, etc...etc...

One thing that SO and I did that really helped was create a project list. We just sat down one weekend and made a list of all the things we wanted to accomplish-both short and long term. For example: the fence is a summer project - this year. The floors will be replaced in the long term.

We stated what the project was, start date, target finish date, what role each of us will have, and what outside help will be needed, and we also included the budgeted amount for each project so we don't go overboard. It's helping! It really is. We are ahead of schedule on the room painting, and behind schedule on the garage, LOL but it really helps to have the whole big picture right there on paper and it just might help keep DH accountable too...who knows...men are funny about that stuff. I know it's helping me keep SO on track, and he is master procrastinator!

Don't fret, it's going to be great, with a little time and patience. Think of it as an unpolished jewel and how wonderful it's going to be when you're done polishing it! Good luck!

g

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 5:06pm

New homes in Colorado Springs are being built that way too. With a HUGE open master suite floor plan. The bathtub (beautiful tub) that my mom has is in direct view of the bed. So, if mom's in the tub and dad's in bed waching TV, that's the atmosphere she has in the tub. Now, that doesn't bother her, and it doesn't happen often. But it would NOT be ok for J and I. I like long, quiet (classical music maybe) candlelit baths. I like when J comes in from time to time to see if I need a refill on my wine, or just wants a kiss. But then he should go away and SHUT the DOOR! ;)


Becky

 

 

Avatar for comountainsprite
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 5:30pm
Are you kidding? I spent my entire lunch hour at Home Depot problem solving LOL. For now all we can do with the bedroom doors is hang curtains and put one (or three) of those sliding latch type closures on it. But at least that will keep dd from walking in on us, although we're lucky in that she never walks into our bedroom when the door is closed and even when open only if she's specifically following one of us in there. I just think it's weird because basically from the waist up, the doors are see through and the bedroom is right off the main hallway. But the good news is that I did find solid interior french doors in the width we need and for about $250 we can have them installed. And I talked to the processor and since we'd put up earnest money and the sellers are paying closing costs, we may even be getting money back at closing. That'd be icing on the cake.

Unfortunately, we don't have time to do the bathroom before moving in but . . . I'll just have to cope. Thank you though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Thu, 06-10-2004 - 8:10pm
I can sympathize with you about the anxiety of your new house - that is surely overwhelming for everyone. But I think you should take a deep breath and not worry so much.

You should not create stories in your head and get stressed about what your spouse might not do or how he might procrastinate about the bathroom.

I know it is not what you want - but for now it is what you need. You should enjoy the time with your husband and your new home. Try to have a sense of humor and adventure - these will be stories you will share when you are old.

There is a good story about happiness here:

http://www.mnwelldir.org/docs/healing/beyond_m.htm

Pages