Can someone kindly shoot me?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Can someone kindly shoot me?
8
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 10:34pm

I had one of those awful moments tonight when I made my son feel bad about himself. I told him that he didn't do his report correctly and that he didn't listen to me and it was wrong. I am stressed beyond expression. I'm starting a new company, still selling real estate, dealing with the grief of a lost relationship and planning a big trip abroad. None of this is an excuse. What I did was awful and wrong.I have the foresight to be grateful for what I have, but in the moment making your child feel bad is the worse feeling in the world. I can't fix it, I can't take it back. It's so ugly. I told him that I was sorry and that I was wrong. I told him that no one had the right to every make him feel bad about himself, not even his mother. He told me that it was okay, but he was heart broken. I feel sick about myself and ashamed, like I'm the worse mother alive. I can't stop crying about something that seems so small. It just feels ugly.

It's tough. This whole single mother thing. It feels like there's very little room for error and so many opportunities to fall. This is one of those pathetic rants. I'm generally a pick yourself up by your boot straps kind of girl, but tonight got the better of me and I feel like absolute hell. ARGH!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
Thu, 01-18-2007 - 11:35pm

Only if you shoot ME first!!!

Something must be in the air, because I had one of those days, too. Clashed with my 6-yr old this morning, and again this evening (over 2 totally different things). I also feel like the world's worst mom, and this stuff is "out there" and I can't take it back. We made up okay too... but I still feel awful that I'm the adult here and I still let it get to that point. Too much yelling, not enough hugging... and that's not the kind of mom I want to be.

Being a parent is hard. And being a single parent is even harder (IMO) because you don't have someone else to lean on when you are stressed out. I wish I had some magical advice for you (I'd be using it myself!) but just some cyberhugs to you- because I know we've all been there at one time or another.

~shrimpy, hoping tomorrow will be a better day with fewer tears

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 3:46am
Oh Sweetie, believe me, we ALL have moments with our kids we woudl do anything to take back. But kids are resiliant & the VERY FEW times something like this happens, are TOTALLY overshadowed by the every day love & encouragement & support you give him. He will be FINE. I promise!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 9:57am

We all have those. Sometimes I shudder when I remind myself of my own mother. While she has great attributes she has given me, she tends to say something really hurtful when she becomes stressed or displeased. I still deal with this.

But then I look at my own brood, which is basically one very dear son and 2 rather huge puppies, and I remember that I did fulfill my childhood promise - which is a fun and stressfree house with all inhabitants happy.

I am certainly not perfect all the time - there are times when a bad test comes home and I wig out. Or it is late at night and chores and homework are not done and I stress.

BUT you know what? God gives us one more minute, hour and day to do something really good. I think it is great when you can say you are sorry that you lost your patience. And then let the whole mess sit and go do something fun.

Last night I had a long run and I felt guilty leaving the house. So I did part of it on my own and then came back and took the whole brood out of the house. DS is faster than me on the striders and I told him how much I appreciated him setting the pace. He was running with the faster dog and I with the slower dog - it was so great. DS and I chatted and he was happy that I complimented him on something he was good at. We all got in an extra 2 mile run. Then I made his favorite dinner - macaroni, home made apple sauce, creamed corn, salad and fruit.

So my point is that you don't have to go out of your way. Let them push the cart in the store or help with a food/dinner decision. Make their favorite dinner, just spend time. Or buy them something good!! Or go for cookies.

I was watching the story on Oprah yesterday (at the dentist) about the child that was kidnapped and found. It made me go home and want to hug my son. We cannot take our days for granted. That is for sure.

One comment about that scene - and sort of OT - sorry! But I would never talk about my son and his being sexually abused on TV. I didn't agree that those parents did that. I would shut my door and tell the media no comment. And I would be online finding the best child psychologists and parents who had been through that to deal with it. I think I would even move to give him a fresh start. But that is just me!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 3:14pm

I'm also in need of being shot. Droid checked the mail last night, and our mailbox is locked, so he had my keys. On the same keychain as our mail key is my house key and car key. I didn't realize he didn't bring it back in last night- in fact I didn't realize it until this morning, about ten minutes before we needed to leave.
So, we're frantically searching the house, his pockets, everything, and after an hour I realize he probably dropped them outside. Of course it snowed four inches overnight, and now we're searching through the snow outside. Finally I found them, but it was quite an ordeal and I lost my cool about halfway through the process. Ugh.
I did drop the kids off at school only a little late with many apologies to them and the school, and made it to work on time. Not a good start to the day, though.
Here's hoping everyone's weekend goes better!

Moody- who earns the bad mommy award for this morning


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 4:28pm
That is not only a HUGE ordeal, but it is a miracle you found those keys outside in the SNOW!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 4:37pm
Ditto to everything already written by these grat moms on here. I snapped at my little one last night because he just simply would not focus on his homework AT ALL and was egging our puppy on thus making it even harder to focus and being his worst miniature enemy. I apologized too and I think this is very important to do so that they know that everyone makes mistakes. These boards are so great. We all need to know that it is normal to make mistakes and that being hard on ourselves is human but not to take it too far. Kids are so resilient and we have the toughest jobs on earth as single moms I think. OK so I had let this go because it didnt get very much response before but maybe we should try "Best and Worst" again? This is the thing about listing the best thing and the worst thing you did as a parent. My first few years as a single mom was spent doing this by phone with my Dad EVERY night so that I felt like I had company in the child rearing process. Sometimes I was in tears when I called him but he never judged and no matter what I forked out in the negative category, he always said something like "oh honey thats nothin. when you and your bother were 4 and 6 I once....." and made me feel better. It put everything in perspective and I knew I would be able to get to sleep every night after I talked to him and did my celebrations and confessions. If anyone wants to do this again, I am willing to do it of course and start the discussion every day or bi weekly or whatever! Just an offer:)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:02pm
Thank you so much to all of you. You're all so supportive and generous. This is an amazing place and I so grateful. Thank you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 01-19-2007 - 5:07pm
You're welcome! We get the same benefits you do from being here and posting. it is truly a gift to have sites like this I think!
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