Can your job make you sick?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Can your job make you sick?
16
Mon, 04-26-2004 - 6:05pm
I am worried about Shane. He is managing the pre-owned car building at a very well-known local dealership. He had a co-manager under him that was very young and had no foundation in car sales, so Shane basically did all the work when it came to appraisals, closing deals, and approvals, etc. Finally this co-manager was demoted to sales so he could learn the ropes the right way and another guy has since been promoted to help Shane. All this time since November, he's been practically on his own and has been stressed, tired, fatigued and at least once a week saying he didn't feel well.

This new guy I guess I doing okay, but Shane doesn't say much. He has to get him trained by our wedding in a couple of weeks, so it's double stress. Shane never goes to lunch (well he might go pick up something and take it back to his desk if I don't pack him a lunch) and he says he has no time to go and sometimes has no time to eat what he has at work. But this other guy is never at his desk when I visit the office because he's at lunch with his wife every day. If he plans to get trained, he needs to stay at his desk more often, IMO.

Today, I dropped by his office to bring him lunch and he was just slumped over his desk and stressed to his limit....this was at 11:30 this morning. He doesn't get off til 7:30 tonight! So he was stressed that bad after just 2.5 hours.

How do you overcome such a thing? There is no way he can change it right now. The guys are going to be on him to approve his sales, this can't change. He's the boss no matter what. Even with the other guy. This guy works under Shane. And he's coming home feeling awful and tired and worn out. It's not healthy. And I'm worried.

Mel

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Avatar for mom_x_three
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:12am
He NEEDS to get away from his desk during the day. (I know from experience, I tend to be the same way if I don't watch it)

If he can't trust this guy to run the place while he goes to lunch...how is he going to trust him while he's on his honeymoon? He needs to gradually start giving him more responsibility on his own...and let him lighten the load, that's why he's there.

It sounds like Shane may be worried that if he doesn't do it himself, it won't be done right. It's a hard thought pattern to change...but he needs to. Suggest he start by taking one job duty, and assigning it to the asst. Making it completely his responsibility. Then another...etc...until the asst. has a full job load (fair, not under or overwhelming...but enough to lighten Shane's job load)

Also, when I'm stressed at work...I know I have to be extra careful about eating right, sleeping enough, and taking vitamins...stress lowers your immune system, and you are more likely to get sick.

Sherry<with 3 kids, 2 beautiful granddaughters

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:33am
Shane is very confident in his abilities and I do think you're right when you said he might think it won't be done right if he doesn't do it. Shane is used to managing things himself. He's so independent when it comes to work. He has never had to depend on anyone to help him out, so he's probably just thinking that he's got to do it all even though he doesn't.

I also agree that he needs to get out of the office for an hour each day. He can come home and eat or we could meet somewhere, or I could pack a lunch and meet him at the park..or he can sit by himself. He just needs to leave that building for more than what it takes to pick up food. He often gets his employees to make a run for him. It's just not healthy. I make him a good lunch each day so I know he's getting what he needs and I also cook healthy dinners. He normally doesn't eat breakfast, but I think I'm gonna get up a little earlier and cook something while he's showering. AND MAKE HIM EAT. He can at least eat some toast if nothing else.

I asked him this morning how work was going and he said, "It's going." I told him this job was gonna kill him and he promised he wasn't staying forever that there were far less stressful places to work. I agree. He needs to either get out of the office and give his assistant some stuff to try on his own OR find another place to work and soon before I get a call that he's had some attack at work.

I'm just so worried about him. He's never been like this and I think that's why we fight about so many silly things. He's on edge and everything gets to him.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2002
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 11:59am

Mel,


Although Chris doesn't make himself sick or get quite that stressed, he does overdo it with his job.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:07pm


I'm wondering if telling someone "this job is going to kill you" is going to help the stress level? Maybe you can find more positive ways to talk about the subject?

I also wonder, and maybe this is just me, if Shane hasn't done well in business all this time on his own. You've said he's been quite successful. Do men really need us to tell them how to run their day?

Someone micromanaging me would drive me BONKERS! Telling me what I should eat, or how or when. Or how to do business.

If no one else is thinking this, just ignore me. LOL

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:10pm

He NEEDS to get away from his desk during the day. (I know from experience, I tend to be the same way if I don't watch it)


Very true. Very true. I have to make myself leave. I still get into the rut of not leaving, and it catches up with me quickly.


And yes, stress CAN and DOES make you physically ill. Your body can only take so much stress. It gets bogged down and quits releasing the "feel good" endorphins (sp?). I know that's a very simplistic way of saying it. Not a doctor, so I don't have all the details. But I know it's something to do with that.


Even a quick walk at lunchtime can help.


Right now, I am tanning during my lunch hour quite often. V. relaxing, and I can half way doze and "power nap" for a little bit and feel more human when I come back.

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:15pm
power nap, THAT's what I need today....

thanks for reminding me

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz...............................

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:25pm
HI SHERR, good to see you!

I'm still here, sometimes playing devil's advocate. LOL

Just for the sake of discussion. Do men react the same way business wise as women? I think I know men who THRIVE on business and high energy and going all day. Some of them are very healthy and happy, too. For that matter, do all people need the same kind of day?

I am very low key, would never miss lunch to work (unless required to because of someone else's rush project, which has happened a few times). I would probably be much further ahead career wise if I WERE that kind of personality, high energy, etc.

AND, the guy I'm seeing right now is high octane, works 24/7 sometimes (that's the kind of career he is in) and he THRIVES on it, loves it. It's the kind of person he is. He would shrivel up and DIE if he was put in a typical business type situation. Eating regular meals, taking a nice lunch hour, not being busy all the time....THAT would kill him. I guarantee it.

So, maybe the key is knowing your own rhythms and keeping your own balance. And not worry about someone else's.

Just a thought.

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:26pm

Yeah, I see your point Candi.


I agree to a certain extent. BUT... If they are living together now, he's taken on a "helpmate" and sometimes we gals DO see things that maybe can use a little tweaking. And we can be encouraging to them. Bachelors take SUCH poor care of themselves sometimes (I Know J did!). They don't eat, they don't sleep enough for the jobs they do, they often drink too much (show little restraint) they don't wear clean clothes. LOL


J appreciates being gently reminded and taken care of in some (not all!) of these areas. And I like to think that my "womanly influence" has helped him take stock and grow up a bit. Not that I am trying to change him, but that I am just being what I am. A helpmate.


So, there's a line. When do you be that helper, and when do you back off and let someone live their life? I don't know. I guess if Shane is stressed and ill, he is affecting his family life and Mel has at least SOME say so.


But Mel, I TOTALLY agree with Candi that there is a right way to approach this and a wrong way. First off I would say, if Shane doesn't seem receptive to your input on this subject you HAVE to back off for the moment. Secondly, gentleness is a huge word to remember. Candi is right. If you just harp on him about how harmful and stressful this job is for him, it will only increase his stress level.


Personally, I would maybe ask him if one or two afternoons a week we could have a "lunch date" out of the office. You can even say "maybe this'll balance out the days you don't get away"

Becky

Becky

 

 

Avatar for cl_beckty
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:31pm

I think I know men who THRIVE on business and high energy and going all day. Some of them are very healthy and happy, too. For that matter, do all people need the same kind of day?


Oh, I think that's very true. Good point. But I think those people LOOK happy and satisfied at the end of the day. If Shane looks like he's loving it, then definitely it should be a non-issue.


I know that I LOVE LOVE a crazy busy day full of multi tasking and demands put upon me. I feel a little worthless around here when it's not that way. And I get more done in a shorter time when much more is expected. In otherwords, RIGHT NOW I have a bunch of stuff to do. But, because it's very quiet around here I am having trouble motivating to get a few things caught up. Silly huh? :)

Becky

Becky

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 04-27-2004 - 12:39pm
Yep, you got it.

I think Shane is probably the only one who can judge whether he is happy with his day or not. Maybe asking him about it would be the best way to approach the subject.

AND, I see your point about a helpmate. It's just that it looks SO different on different couples. In the advice department, trav has done some wonderful things for helping me revamp MY view of life and of myself. And, there ARE things he needs from me and would want from me during times he was around more.

ONE thing we both need from each other is obvious...*blush*...and he loves being pampered, massages, having a cool drink brought to him. I'd love to do that for him when he's not off being high octane. So, I guess what I'm thinking is, even couples are very...individual. One answer doesn't cover it all. Communication is key.

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