Candid Question. Sort of embarrassing...

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Candid Question. Sort of embarrassing...
25
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 2:21pm

Slightly R rated...just to warn you.


But if I can't ask here, where CAN I ask, right?


Here's the issue. I wonder if you all can relate

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 2:32pm

Aww Pac... I think it happens to everyone on both sides: being in the mood and feeling rejected, or not being in the mood and having to say no to your partner.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-20-2007
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 3:34pm

OK my response will be a little R rated as well.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2008
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 3:47pm

"So my question is, have you even been denied sex when you initiated?"


Ummm. Yes. I have even had it denied to me when HE (RG) initiated

anonymous
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 5:27pm

CK and I have had a lot of nakie time together, a lot.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2008
Mon, 09-15-2008 - 5:47pm

Thanks, SweetK and everyone.


I think its probably something we have all faces maybe one time or another. And yes, much like you say, he needs a break sometimes. In fact that is what he said when he saw the hurt look on my face. He just said his body needs time inbetween times. And

pacificsun2-1.jpg picture by samsigs
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2008
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 12:36am

Yes!!! I absolutely understand EXACTLY where you are coming from and boy do I sympathize! That is why I have posted that I was afraid to make a move. I have had him tell me no more than once! I was devastated and SO embarrassed! It still...to this day...makes me hesitant to ask. What is worse is that I can tell me not initiating takes a toll on his confidence.


Here's the ironic part...bf/friend also takes blood pressure meds and has the exact same issue! He's told me the same thing. That it isn't me and that he loves being intimate with me, but sometimes his meds just don't allow his body to, ahem, "cooperate". Other times he gets very tired from his medications as he takes a fairly high dose of these meds.


He constantly lets me know he finds me attractive and interesting and sexy, but I am at such a loss too! I want to let him know that I want him just as much and that I have no problems initiating, but here's my problem with his meds. Sure, the "no" can get to me, but I am more concerned about letting him save face. I hate the times I try to make a move and he tells me, half-embarrassed/half-disappointed that he simply and literally "can't". I feel so badly to have called his inability to perform at those times to the forefront and I feel so guilty. I'm still learning to deal with it to, but trust me Pac, I feel you on this one!


What I do is wait for his cues. Like I said, I read him well. I know when he is joking around or making blatant comments that he is probably in the mood. I also know this is my cue to make a move if I want. Twice he has fooled me. His joking was because he wanted to please me, even if he wasn't in the mood. I was so embarrassed.


My advice is, aside from talking about it (we've had this talk too), follow his lead. I know my bf/friend is very good about letting me know when the time is right for him, even if he doesn't make the first move. I just have to trust my instincts, realize I may be misreading him, accept if he isn't able to at the time and let him know that I am just fine with it. It is tough to do because it is a blow to my ego and my confidence. I am still learning to not take it personally.


One thing I can suggest possibly trying: I know with bf/friend's meds, he may not be able to do what we'd like to, but he loves just playing. Nothing serious, but enough to let me know he would if he could. Honestly, I kind of like it. It is quality time without getting all hot and heavy, yet it is intimate enough for both of us. Plus, often he likes to please me at these times. I let him and accept without arguement even tho I feel selfish. I learned VERY quickly that it lets him feel manly and helps him get over the fact that his meds are playing games with him. AND we both end up content. ;-)


Sorry this is longer...I'm wordy anyway, but you are the first woman I have met to understand my situation! I had begun to give up that other people had these issues with these meds! Good luck and remember, don't take it personally. Like you told me, you still have to go out on that limb! It was good advice. ;-)


Almalibra

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 1:07am

What I appreciate from a partner is that whatever we do is OK. I do not have to perform in order to have good sex together. Orgasm does not have to make our intimate time together good. It's the journey, not the destination so to speak. I tell CW that. I tell her that I enjoy being sexual with her and it does not have to be intercourse or me having an orgasm. I do enjoy pleasuring my partner and that is what I am always up for. It is a lot easier having a partner is OK with me not having to "up for it" and knowing that does not mean we cannot be sexual together. Make sense?

Mark who enjoys all colors and flavors of intimacy

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-06-1998
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 6:19am
Don't take it to hear Pac Sun, it sounds like he was just tired.
And yes I have been denied sex & no I've never denied it!
Tracy

Living in Adelaide, South Australia


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Tracy

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 8:10am

Exactly. BP meds & Antidepressants can be a huge barrier to a mans erections (or even a womans orgasm).

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-30-2004
Tue, 09-16-2008 - 8:23am

EG has always been kind of like that, but usually after a few days of constant booty.

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