Can't take this pace
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Can't take this pace
| Thu, 09-30-2004 - 11:47am |
It's been a while since I've posted an update, so I thought I'd drop by! I still lurk from time to time to see what everyone is up to.
My family is well--the little ones anyway. Z is doing great in school and loving his baby brother. A is an awesome baby--he's so good and very beautiful. He's 3 months old today. I'm just loving my kids to pieces. I love having my boys and I'm so grateful I have them.
DH is doing pretty good as a new dad--adjusting. Heck, we're still adjusting to being married, and believe me, we are tested over and over almost every single day.
I am quickly getting burnt out and don't know what to do about it. I am trying to do and be everything for and to my family (my husband and kids) and it's a non-stop obstacle course every single day. I fall into bed exhausted at night. I NEVER stop worrying. You wouldn't even believe it if I told you the schedule I keep every day. Last night, I had an appointment with me and Z at this doctor--the court is making us go through a complete evaluation now to determine if there should be any changes in the custody of Z. His crazy father is still at it, all the same antics, still is not allowed to see him except under supervised conditions, has only seen him ONCE in a year, and is still pulling crap where I had to get a new restraining order this week. I've been in court just about every Monday with him, cause now that he's out of jail he wants to see Z and torment me some more. Anyway, we had this appointment, and I TOTALLY forgot. The doctor called me at 7:30 and said, "You're supposed to be here." I was speechless. How could I just FORGET something so important!!?? The fact is, I'm doing too much and I'm losing it. This is going to make me look so bad to that doctor, which is just ironic, because there's no reason for ME to be evaluated anyway. I've had custody of my son for 7 years and he is THRIVING. I'm not the one who has proven to be a whacko over and over and over. UGH~! I NEVER miss appointments, but he's not going to believe that!
I could use a hug!!
Kim
My family is well--the little ones anyway. Z is doing great in school and loving his baby brother. A is an awesome baby--he's so good and very beautiful. He's 3 months old today. I'm just loving my kids to pieces. I love having my boys and I'm so grateful I have them.
DH is doing pretty good as a new dad--adjusting. Heck, we're still adjusting to being married, and believe me, we are tested over and over almost every single day.
I am quickly getting burnt out and don't know what to do about it. I am trying to do and be everything for and to my family (my husband and kids) and it's a non-stop obstacle course every single day. I fall into bed exhausted at night. I NEVER stop worrying. You wouldn't even believe it if I told you the schedule I keep every day. Last night, I had an appointment with me and Z at this doctor--the court is making us go through a complete evaluation now to determine if there should be any changes in the custody of Z. His crazy father is still at it, all the same antics, still is not allowed to see him except under supervised conditions, has only seen him ONCE in a year, and is still pulling crap where I had to get a new restraining order this week. I've been in court just about every Monday with him, cause now that he's out of jail he wants to see Z and torment me some more. Anyway, we had this appointment, and I TOTALLY forgot. The doctor called me at 7:30 and said, "You're supposed to be here." I was speechless. How could I just FORGET something so important!!?? The fact is, I'm doing too much and I'm losing it. This is going to make me look so bad to that doctor, which is just ironic, because there's no reason for ME to be evaluated anyway. I've had custody of my son for 7 years and he is THRIVING. I'm not the one who has proven to be a whacko over and over and over. UGH~! I NEVER miss appointments, but he's not going to believe that!
I could use a hug!!
Kim

I'm sorry you are this stressed out. Don't beat yourself up too much for missing the appointment. You're human. And you have too much on your plate from the sounds of it. Can RC take some of the burden for you with the cooking and taking care of the kids? Sounds like you're trying to be super mom on top of battling John in court. And I've been there, it's way too stressful to do alone.
Sending you all my hugs and good thoughts.
Tara
((((Kim))))!
It is hard for me to sit at a computer and try to guess what you need to do but I can try my best.
I think you need to somehow take a little break - even if for just an hour. Write down what you do. Then hack it. There is so much less we can all do when we have to. You need to put the big rocks in the jar - your marriage, yourself, your child - and then only put whatever else will fit. There have to be things you can do without for now.
I would say the first priority is to do whatever it takes to lessen the trouble with the ex. What does he really want?
Do you have any family or friends nearby that can help in the interim? You have to make sure you have enough time for your new hubby - that is number one after yourself.
It sounds like you are sitting on a time bomb. Keep us posted.
You do sound overwhelmed and stressed. What can you do to bring it down a little? Are you scheduling time for yourself, even 15 minutes everyday?? Don't laugh. Do it.
Oh my gosh, I wish I were their with you now. I know how awful stressful a second child can be when the first one has been around for awhile. All with a new marriage and that awful X of yours.
Please take a deep breath. You need to focus on a few things. Have a family meeting with your sisters and mom and see where you guys can find an idea to get yourself situated. Even if its an evening out with RC or doing something for yourself in between the whole chaos.
I know it will seem impossible, but you need to do this for yourself. I don't know what's going on with you and RC but you know where to email me and I am here for you. If you want me to call you, I will. Just tell me darlin.
I was just told this, last week. It is sometimes hard not to come across as a failure. Last week I felt awful, this week I still don't feel well, but one thing I realize, I have to much going on and I can't get it all on one plate. I have to refocus. You are a wonderful mother. I am a wonderful mother. We are two great women. We both are more alike then you realize. LOL. Trying to please EVERYONE, but no one is happy in the end, because we can't seem to turn into 30 of us. Focus on the most important. That you try to make your marriage work with RC. I know your giving your best, but if he isn't pulling anywhere and slacking big time, making excuses, being lazy, then you need to focus on what you can do to make it on your own with your children.
Z and A are your life. They are your life. I know you know that. You do what I do, our lives revolve around our children, but it's ok to ask for help when you need it. It doesn't make you a bad Mommy. A bad mommy is someone that doesn't give a fig about it's child and whats best for it. Not a mommy that forgot an appointment while trying to situate the other child. Both are important, but you can always reschedule an appointment, not custody. OK?
Now here is a bad mommy storie: I went to the bank with Alex when Alex was not even 3. Told her to play legos as I had to check my account. I found out my account was totally over it's draft and I wouldn't get a credit. I was so upset and if I remember right I almost passed out. I got in my car and drove off. My bank was located about 45 minutes from my home. Well 30 minutes down the line, I suddenly realize I thought I forgot something. But couldn'T remember what, until I looked in my rearview mirror and saw the baby seat was empty. I turned my butt around and raced back to the bank. Low and behold, Alex was still at the bank, playing legos and built us our dream house. I saw her and cried.
Their ya go girl! Now, try to focus and you know where to reach me. I love ya!