Caring for a broken heart?
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| Wed, 05-04-2005 - 10:48am |
I'm just looking for suggestions. If you missed it, read the end of my vacation post in the off topic folder. I think this is it, I have very little hope that it's not over. I wish it wasn't over but I can't do anything about it.
So, what to do with my broken heart? I know it takes time to heal. This is really a new experience for me. I have lived most of my adult life with my heart turned off. This relationship was the first time I intentionally opened up since I was a teenager (and back then I didn't feel strong and capable, which is why I turned my heart off and didn't put it at risk again after that).
What I feel I am doing now is that I am in the process of putting up some temporary walls around my heart to protect it in case he does call me, and so that I don't let anyone else in for a while (until I'm ready). I am sure there is no set timetable for this, but my head says I need 6 months before I can even think of taking those temporary walls down. Plus, I am not going to date anyone if there is a chance I could move back to Colorado, and it could be early next year before that could be decided for sure (see the other post for details on that too).
So here are the other things I am doing. If you have anythings you did that helped, please share them with me. Thank you.
- I have 4 new pairs of new jeans and some cute new summer tops. I had been planning to show them off to my bf, but I can at least enjoy looking good and using that as a crutch to maintain my self-esteem for now (my self-esteem is relatively in tact, just some minor damage).
- I trimmed my bangs. They look nice.
- I have plenty of things to do around the house to keep me busy, plus exercising and reading. I have plenty of time to just vege out if I need it.
- I have cried but I'm sick of crying so I find myself holding back. I know I need to let more out and I'm trying, but sometimes it's hard to start. It feels easier to hold back. Plus I want to cry at inconvenient times like right before I arrive at work, which isn't a good idea.
- I have therapy tonight. YAY! I find it easy to cry there and I am *certain* I need this visit (it will probably go by too fast).
- I have plenty of chocolate on hand.
- My friend is coming to visit on a kid-free weekend in two weeks. Girls night out (without drinking though).
Anything else? Any other suggestions? Is this what I'm supposed to be doing?


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Hugs to you.
I can't think of much I'd be doing differently. I'd probably buy myself some new books, and when I went out for girls night, I WOULD drink. That's just me.
I know it's a new world for you, but if you keep yourself from going to your old pattern (of walling off) then I think you're such a stable person that you'll find a way to muddle through. Basically, that's what the rest of us do.
I'll be interested to hear what your therapist says, if you feel like talking about it tomorrow. That might be valuable information for all of us here.
I think the temporary walls are just so that I don't jump into dating again. The last thing I need right now is another relationship, and my old pattern was to replace a lost relationship immediately with a new one, which was easy since I was never truly emotionally invested. I don't want to turn my heart off completely ever again, but I want to give myself time to heal.
I'm going to be interested to see what my therapist says too. I will let you guys know.
Believe me I would love to drink when I go out with my friend. I can't. Medication restriction, likely to last the rest of my life.
I am sorry for you to have this pain. I know it is very great - I have been there.
There is nothing more you can do except to keep what you are doing and to have faith that you will indeed heal. All you need is time. And each day will get better.
Usually the hardest things in life happen for a reason - they always mean that something better is around the corner.
Hugs to you.
Hey first, how are you doing today? Do you feel any better?
Happy Mother's Day - I hope you enjoy your weekend and somehow have a few special moments with dd.
I am okay. He called last night. We talked for nearly two hours. I said everything I needed (wanted) to say, he told me most of what I needed (wanted) to hear. I do believe we are right for each other in almost every way, but the timing of things and all that is going on in his life make being together impossible. He does intend to move to be near his son at some point. I will miss him so much.
Edit since I wasn't clear: We officially broke up. The things we said to each other (so so many things) was done to solidify and bring out into the open that it was over, mostly because there is no scenario in his mind that will see us being together long-term.
Edited 5/6/2005 11:27 am ET ET by firstamendment
I am glad that you are talking to him and telling him how you feel. That is good for you no matter the outcome.
I think he just needs to come to grips with his situation for himself. Maybe it will be to move near his son but that just doesn't sound that practical to me. But he has to do this for himself and will do it in his own time.
What does your counselor say?
How do you feel about this for you? Are you still giving the whole thing a big chill?
Hugs!! That is so frustrating when you find someone you mesh with but the circumstances/timing dictate otherwise.
>>>How do you feel about this for you? Are you still giving the whole thing a big chill?<<<
I'm not sure I understand what you are asking about giving it the big chill? Do you mean the relationship? I guess I wasn't clear. The point of our conversation last night was to officially break up. We won't be talking. We won't be seeing each other. It is over. All that talking was how we said goodbye to each other.
>>>What does your counselor say?<<<
He said it was so sad that I had put so much energy into this relationship and it didn't work out. He agrees I did everything right and I handled it well and should be happy about that. He also agrees that I learned a lot from this relationship and that will serve me well in the future. He said my gut feeling that I need 6 months to heal from this heartbreak is somewhat arbitrary, and sounds like a very very good idea.
Edited 5/6/2005 10:52 am ET ET by firstamendment
Okay - now I understand. I guess I wasn't certain on where you were with everything. Breaking up is so hard. I do send sympathy. And I admire your strength through all of this.
Your counselor sounds very wise - I like what he said - that is good for all of us to hear.
Big hugs to you. Big Big. I didn't realize by your post that it was an official break up call either.
How did your evening out with your girlfriend go? Did it help distract you.
Hugs again. It sucks. You did put a lot into this. But you did it well, and knew what you might be getting into. So proud of you for not just walling up completely on him, and for learning to care about someone that deeply. I am sure you'll always be glad you handled the relationship the way you did.
Here's to a few months off and then running into an AVAILABLE Mr. Right (I've had my Mr-unavailable-but-perfect-for-me. It was terrible. Just heatbreaking. And I did NOT get over it well. I didn't allow myself to move on for way too long. I regret that. But there's no undoing it)
Thanks. My girlfriend is coming into town next weekend. I should be past the worst part by then and ready to have some fun. Now that this has happened, I am really going to try and make the move to Colorado happen. That means my dating hiatus could be even longer. I don't want to get into another relationship here if moving is possible, and it would most likely happen next summer if it happens at all.
Today I'm just focusing on not crying at work :(
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