Catherine
Find a Conversation
| Mon, 08-13-2007 - 1:15pm |
I am NOT going to slam you - unless anyone here has the perfect relationship, or has all the answers, there should be no slamming.
I am, however, going to give you my opinion - for whatever it's worth.
1. Mr. History - I don't care WHAT you did wrong in the beginning of the relationship - he could have told you THEN. I don't care WHAT you SAID wrong - he could have responded then. Standing someone up is one of the rudest and most insensitive things anyone could do to a date (particularly someone they've been seeing), and although I don't discount the fact that people CAN change, and people CAN "see the error of their ways," I don't think that can happen in 3 weeks.
I think Mr. History is incredibly interested in you because you're distancing yourself from him - I think if you start dating again, and he feels comfortable with you, he'll go back to his old habits. That's just my opinion, though.
2. JS - Cat, please just let him down. Based on what you're writing, you DON'T have romantic feelings for him - and not only are you not going to, but the longer this goes on, the angrier you're going to get. I know you care about him, and he's your best friend, but believe me, the pain and suffering you cause him now will be better than later. I have a very good friend that I developed feelings for. He told me in no uncertain terms that he loved and cared for me but didn't want to date me. No "let's see if we develop feelings," no "I'll give us a chance," just "look, I really care about you, but I can't see myself dating you." The result? We are very, very good friends. We would not be if he'd dragged out the inevitable.
You don't seem to have romantic feelings for JS at all, and it appears that you're not giving it a chance because you think you might, but because fighting his persistence is difficult and makes you feel bad. Just tell him - outright. It will be better in the end.
Again, just my opinion.

This is a sweet and heartfelt reply to Cat, Mamarose. Good thoughts here. And how wonderful and supportive the way you put it - all positive stuff.
We can read book after book after book and feel we know everything about relationships on paper. But really, we all have to venture out and date and meet real people with real stories and make our own decisions.
I don't believe you can set out to know that someone is "the one" right from the beginning. I believe that you build experiences from the beginning that head in a "better for you" or "maybe not" direction. I also believe it is a matter of timing - when you are over the things in your past that upset you and you are ready and able to spend time and open your heart.