Catherine....
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| Tue, 11-30-2004 - 10:25am |
I just read your entire post about "What's the Point?" and I guess I had no idea what all had happened with Alex's dad. I had read a few things but I missed some details and haven't been here the entire time you have, so I know I missed out on a lot.
I think you are being stronger than you give yourself credit for. You both love each other but know that it isn't a good idea to be together even though your heart breaks everytime he's near you. The lovey dovey times end up in a fight and then go back to hugs and kisses. Yeah, dysfunctional at best. You have the strength to recognize that and should be proud. But most of all, your daughter sees it and isn't pushing you two to be married when it is obvious you shouldn't.
It's great that you have good relationships with each other's families. I think that's important. My parents hate my ex for all he did to me. They have no respect for him and he doesn't deserve their respect anyway. But it truly makes it hard for me when I have to work up an agreement with him and they are constantly telling me I'm being too easy on him. It seems to me that if I let him see his son, it's wrong. Then his mother doesn't do much for Dylan. She caters to Scott's brother's kids. I just realized we both had Scott's in our lives....weird. Scott, mom never asks to keep Dylan for a weekend or even a night, but his cousins are ALWAYS over there. She also (when she's had him) takes him to see movies without asking me if it's an okay movie for him to see. And I can't tell anyone anything because if she hears about it, she turns the story around and tells Scott. So needless to say, I don't have a good thing with her either. Never have. Selfish woman!!
I remember the most dysfunctional relationship I've ever had. It was Zac. We met and it was like a whirlwind thing. He just never stopped calling or coming over, we were always together and in less than a month, he said he loved me. He hadn't finalized his divorce yet and his ex was quickly catching on that he was involved with me. We began having to sneak around (because she was psycho) and I was willing to do so because I was so wounded from my marriage that I was aching to be with a man that claimed to love me. It didn't matter at all if he meant it. I thought he did and that was enough for me. He wasn't ready to be with me the way I needed him to and I was allowing him to come over and just have sex with me and leave if that was all the time I could have with him. Just the attention made me feel better, but later, I felt empty and used. I know I never loved him, but I "needed" him just for that time. And letting go was hard. And the worst part was I knew there was a man just waiting for me to let go of Zac and realize what I deserved....Shane. He was always there. He called me and begged me to look in the mirror and see what I was doing to myself. He said, "I want you and would drop everything for you, but even if I'm not who you want, drop the loser and get your life straight because you and your son deserve better than him." And finally, I just did it. I listened to him and I did what I needed to do. And once I did it, I realized it wasn't hard at all because I knew what I was worth.
You know what you deserve and it will always be hard to be around him, but you have no choice since he's your daughter's father. But in my opinion, you've been strong and brave and I think you'll be just fine.
Mel

Thanks Candi!
It's nice to know you've all noticed!
Mel
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AW MEL! Thank you so much for taking your time to write me and thinking of me. I think I am fine and the best news is, Scott (that is funny that we both have scotts, must be the name. lol) is NOT coming for Christmas now. What a relief. I didn't want a drama and a flying christmas goose this year. I want to make it extra special for the girls. Soon they will be all grown up and those sparkling eyes of santa and opening presents will disappear. Christmas is sooooooooooooo bad this year. I have to scrape everything together to get that stupid computer for alex, BUT I have to get it, because last Christmas and her Birthday this year was soo bad. It'll make up for everything. My christmas present to me this year, is that I am doing better in my mind. I've been making guy friends lately, that are PURE friendship and I tell them that STRAIGHT from the start. It's nice. I grew up as a tom boy and in high school only hung out with guys, so it upsets me that now when we are all grown up, men assume something else. I know these guys I have made friendship with would jump at the chance of really going out with me, but they respect me and I think after awhile the attraction for them will wear off.
Honestly Mel, when I read what you went through and I read what some of these other women went through and you are in a relationship and with a baby and you have a new house, it really gives me hope that i will find that guy that will make me happy. BECAUSE I KNOW he's out their. I don't think it's in this country, or I'M positive he's NOT GERMAN. LOL.
Did that, done that, wore the t-shirt. They are uncivilized culture that has no respect for women, except for their mommies. All big mouthed, know it alls, but live upstairs from mommy and daddy. We aren't talking 18yr olds, we're talking 30+, 40+ men who can't shake the mothers apron strings. Not just a few percent, but a whopping 40% of men, if not even more.
I would shoot myself if my daughter still lived in my house when she was 40. It's bad enough my mom lives with me. Only diffence is, she needs us and I need her for the kids. Otherwise, if they offered child care here, I'd been away from her a long time ago. I Love her, but hey, we all know what our mothers can be like! Love them, but please come to visit seldom. LOL
I'm feeling to old to be alone much longer. I am now craving a relationship, which I truely haven't craved in a very long time. Difference is, this time I just want to take time off from dating anyone. I figure if someone really wants to get to know ME as a person, then they'll stick around to be my friend first. Right? Thanks again darlin.
-Catherine
Yeah, I know all about moms. When I divorced Scott in 2002, I lived with my parents for 2 months. Then I got my own place, but it was still in the same town as them. Something I was no longer used to. The closest I had lived to them in 10 years was 3 hours. I like where I am now. I'm an hour away so they can still come visit to see Dylan or have him to spend the night, but when they visit, they can still GO HOME! No overnighters. Shane's mom lives 2 hours away, but her sister has a huge 5 bedroom house here in town, so she stays there overnight when she's in town. We mostly just go over to Shane's aunt's to visit them all so when we're tired of visiting, we can just come back home and relax. I love my parents and I love Shane's family too, but to live with either of them would be a nightmare.
I'm glad that the stories here give you hope that "he" is out there. And he will come when you're not looking. Shane and I met one night when I was just out with friends. It just so happens that another girlfriend of mine met her husband the same night I met Shane and we all have pictures from that night out. They both just approached us to dance and the rest is history.
Hope you have a good day today.
Hugs!
Mel
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