Chemistry, Infatuation, Love - ? for U

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Chemistry, Infatuation, Love - ? for U
10
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 6:30am

Our question of the week.

Do you feel that love can develop from friendship? Or does it have to start with infatuation? If it does develop from friendship do you go through an infatuation period?

Your experiences and thoughts?

This question is inspired by a friend who has been dating a guy who is a good friend. She is confused because she thinks she loves him - and there is chemistry - but there is not the wild infatuation like she has had with past BFs. I think this guy is perfect for her. And the past infatuations were clearly with guys who were not that into her and not long-term prospects.

So I was thinking this could be a good topic for us, too!

Avatar for mom2maggie
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Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 9:45am

"Do you feel that love can develop from friendship?"

YES!

"If it does develop from friendship do you go through an infatuation period?"

Sometimes??? Does it really matter?

As long as there is enough chemistry for both parties to be satisfied with the physical component of the relationship I don't think having a noticible infatuation period of blind lust and insecurities is important.

I think that infatuation (which I think includes lust) is a biological and chemical response. We can not control who triggers these. However, I think we CHOOSE who we want to LOVE.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2002
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 11:23am

Chemistry for me is feeling comfortable and feeling like I can be myself with someone... that kind of chemistry is very important.

Infatuation -- not as important. I seem to be infatuated with the wrong ones anyway. My mind and judgement get clouded and I possibly make bad choices when I'm infatuated with someone.

Yes, I think love can and SHOULD develop from friendship (but not always). But I've been told (and have read) that this kind of love is the deepest and most long lasting kind of love. Personally, I've tried to see this now as I'm getting-to-know/meeting new guys. I try to be their friend FIRST and if nothing else develops than at least I've made a new friend .. (funny, because the old me didn't have a use for guy friends and saw it as a waste of time). I agree Love Is a Choice. Today I feel that no matter what romantic relationship develops, I try to care about men and spread some joy. (lol..in between calling them jerks...lol)

LB

Avatar for mom2maggie
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2003
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 12:09pm

"Chemistry for me is feeling comfortable and feeling like I can be myself with someone... that kind of chemistry is very important." - I totally agree!!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2007
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 1:04pm

Wow....I couldn't miss out on this question! It so relates to where I am now.

Yes, i believe love can develop from friendship. Infatuation in that relationship? Guess that depends on the people involved but I don't believe its the same as when you meet someone and are immediately infatuated with them. If you do go through an infatuation phase it might be a little more reserved because you already know so much about the person. When you just meet someone and you're infatuated with them sometimes its because there's still so much mystery to who they really are. Either way if you started as friends and it developed into more there's got to be something that made it go further? It doesn't have to be fireworks all the time, but if there's a few things about that person that just make you smile and feel good when you think of them its a good start. I've been on both sides of the fence. The ones I was immediately "head over heels" with turned out to be jerks 90% of the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-29-2005
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 2:06pm

Do you feel that love can develop from friendship?


Yes, without a doubt. Mike and I were friends before we ever even THOUGHT about dating, and as you can see it has worked out quite well for us. =)


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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2003
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 4:44pm
At this stage in my life, I can see love coming from a friendship. If I was truly friends with a man and we were going out on dates, I couldn't help but become infatuated with him and have chemistry.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Fri, 02-16-2007 - 8:31pm

I think love can develop from friendship, in fact, I think I'd prefer that to love developing from infatuation or lust.

It's very hard for me to go slowly, but if I'm already friends with a man, the impulse to jump right in is tempered by the fact that I know him, and already think he's great. I can let mysef enjoy the actual person I'm with instead of just the feeling I'm experiencing.

I also think that when something is started with lust or infatuation, eventually those feelings will fade. in my experience, if you haven't built a solid foundation of friendship, once the feelings fade, there's nothing left to the relationship.

Obviously chemistry is important, but there are all sorts of different levels of chemistry. Very rarely do I absolutely feel none when I'm with a guy. If I knew I wasn't feeling any, I would never take the friendship beyond that point, since I would still value the friendship too much to want to ruin it.

Moody, hoping sparks fly this weekend


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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 12:40am

Well, my brother loves telling the story about how he and his partner fell in love. (He's gay, but the love story will translate to hetero couples).

He and his partner were friends. Liked to hang out at the same restraunts and bars. They just were friends and started noticing that they were hanging out at the same places...at the same times... and spending a lot of time chatting. A year later, their mutual friends began inviting them to parties as a couple. They didn't even know they were a couple! No kissing, hugging, or physical things at all. Well, the bee their friends put in their bonnets stung them both and they have been passionately in love ever since, going on 15 years... It's so cute!!

Any way, so yes, and I think because friendship is so important to make a relationship last, those who start out that way have that much of an edge!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 9:53pm
Ooooh, thats tough. I TEND to think that the "good friend thing" with "no infatuation or big sexual chemistry, at least at FIRST", would make me feel as if I were settleing a bit. BUT .... sex goes out the door pretty fast once "real life" settles in - well, not out the door, lol, i HOPE, but it moves down (unfortunalty) the priority list somewhat .... So i am just not sure.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sat, 02-17-2007 - 9:55pm
"Spread some joy" ... Hmmm Loony, thansk for remidning me that I now CAN "spread some joy" since I am SINGLE again! Aye aye aye

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