Child Support Issue, a little frustrated

Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Child Support Issue, a little frustrated
10
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 5:47am
I was reading that one post below regarding the payment of child support, I don't want to step on anyone's toes and I don't want to sound like a B****, but their are mothers out their like myself that would be grateful for a cent. I have two children and I don't get child support for any of them. Even more sickening, it's two children, from two different fathers and both are dead beats. They say if one doesn't pay, why should the other! Is that my fault? Yes, because I met them, was brainwashed, charmed and probably just plain gullible/stupid and I chose to be with them. However my mistake, for some of us who are STILL ALL ALONE, who raise our children without a live-in Partner(boyfriend, fiance, or husband at the moment) helping out with the bills, and without the X-husband, X-Boyfriend, X-fiance paying for his children, for those of us who have NO ONE but ourselves to depend on everyday, I ask, that maybe you think about HOW LUCKY you really are. It doesn'T come down too the fact that you shouldn't be thankful because it's his responsibility, but you should be thankful that you don't have a deadbeat or two deadbeats. Be glad you get a check, even with a few days late.Rather late, than never! Never depend on anyone but yourself,especially when it comes to cash flow, because thousands of women across the Globe don't see a penny EVER! I just really had to get that off my chest. Sorry.
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Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 6:13am
Good morning, myprecioustwo,

Thanks for your post - it does remind me that I can always have things much worse and that I have to be thankful for what I do have.

I am sorry you have to bear such a big burden by yourself. That STINKS!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-05-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 11:59am
I hear ya. My ex doesn't pay- but his parents do. Kind of sad, since he's 34 years old, but at least I know my money is there every month, so I am grateful. Also, his parents just took my son for the whole summer, which gave me a really good break.

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Avatar for cl_tcranky1
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 12:13pm

Hi Catherine


I know what you're saying and noone doubts it's a hideous situation for you and your kids.

Avatar for cl_beckty
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Registered: 03-20-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 1:13pm

but their are mothers out their like myself that would be grateful for a cent.


Just wanted to say I totally understand. I was in your shoes for a very long long time. My deadbeat idiot was close to 40 grand in arrears and close to jail time and he "paid me off" (I agreed to it) with 10 grand and I forgave the balance on conditions that he would go away and sign off parental rights when I wanted it.


I know you'd give anything for a payoff like that. Child Support is a nightmare. It's a good thing our kids are SOOOO great and make up for our bad choices that put us in these positions. Hang in there Catherine!!!

Becky

Becky

 

 

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Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 4:28pm
Thanks, Tara.

Mel

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Tue, 08-24-2004 - 4:45pm
Catherine,

I hope I'm not stepping on your toes. I posted my gripe about my ex because I felt I had a valid reason. He's late all the time and it irritates me. I realize that there are moms out there that do it on their own and I admire those of you that do it. I have two very close friends that do it. It's hard and their kids fathers are total losers. One of them is my XBIL who deliberately quits his job once his ex wife catches up to him and gets granted a garnishment order. He has two beautiful boys with her that he never sees because he's scared to be located because he'll go to jail. He also has 3 kids with his second wife who just filed for divorce from his lazy butt. I don't discount their problems at all, in fact, I respect them more because of what they are doing...for themselves. I would have done it for myself if I had to, but I was lucky to have family nearby that would never allow me to do it alone. My son was far too important to them to let us go hungry or without anything we needed. I lived with my parents for a few months until I built up some income to rent a duplex for myself and Dylan.

Yes, I have a great husband now. I love him more than life itself and he takes excellent care of us. I am very lucky to have a man that wants me in his life and that loves my son like he does. I feel like maybe you think because I have a husband that I have no reason to complain about how my ex is. And maybe I should leave it alone, but I can't. I want what's right for my boy. He deserves it. And as long as I have the ability to fight for it, I will. I don't deny that it's rare for mothers these days to get support from their ex's. It is. SO many moms out there have to do it solo. And it's great that so many CAN without help, but it isn't fair that any of them have to. Fathers SHOULD help their kids. Even if they never see them, they owe that money or clothes or whatever to the children. The child didn't beg to be born. The father chose to sleep with the mother knowing that there could be a chance of a pregnancy. They can have sex, but when things get complicated, they can also run and it's just not right.

I think you are doing a great job and I wish things were better for you...that you'd get support or whatever it is that would make life even easier for you and your children. You deserve that. Also those of us that do get support each month, don't we deserve to get it on time and the right amount? I think we both have valid gripes and I commend you for coming forward and voicing yours.

Hugs!

Mel

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 4:17am
For you and Tara, I think you understood this wrong. It was about sometimes sitting back and saying, ok, this guy is a few days or a week late, but he isn't a month, or months, or years late. What I meant to say of course your son deserves his money, it's his money and you need to make sure it does come in on a timely manner. Yet, I just had to agree with Mindy that it was my opinion that paying it early, just because his pay check is in the bank really isn't your problem. That is his money and he can basically choose to pay on the 15th or not. Of course the child is more important, but if the car is in the station or the house needs fixing, sometimes you have to say, ok. I am going to get my money, but it won't be exactly on the day of the month that I want it on. As long as it's in before the month is out, it's still coming in. You just can't rely on it. I wouldn't say he puts himself first before your son, but I think that maybe he does think that a car or plumber bill may be needed to be paid off immediatly and therefore, because you are married and have a partner helping, that maybe he doesn't think it's such a desperate situation to get it in on the specific date. Sometimes I get paid on the 26th or on the 30th and then I have crucial things that need to be paid off to keep my head under a roof. Another example is, what if something happens to him, suddenly you won't have that money or it will take a good while to get any assistance. Because you are married to someone, or for those that have a live-in SO that supports you in the bills, it should make it a bit easier than if you were all alone. So I meant that you both should sit down regarding when to spend what if the check isn't in the bank yet. When I was married with my X-husband he helped pay the bills and take care of Alex financially. So yes, I was in your situation and I was in Tara's situation. It isn't as if I never had it easier. My X felt that he should assist whereever he could or make a plan, if he was going to marry me, then he was going to have to act responsible financially for my oldest. At some point though, having a second child was to much for him and then somehow he totally just whacked out and refused to pay all together. But irrelevant. I don't want to belittle your situation. It is frustrating for me, but I don't stress about it anymore. Like Mindy, we both have gone through cancer and maybe being so sick, we both have a different view on life. To take things more in stride and not let everything upset us. I just wanted to say, that sometimes you have to sit back and take things in a bit of a different perspective. So I hope I clarified that. I KNEW I was going to step on someone's toes. LOL
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Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 11:03am
Hey, it's fine. And that's why I said I thought we both had valid gripes here. I see that you are doing your best to do it alone and I admire you for that. I mentioned my close friends that go thru this. Of course, both of them have more potential then their jobs allow them to use. They both have jobs that are beneath them, fortunately, one of them is always looking for better, the other is just hoping one day she'll get a promotion.

Either way, they raise their sons and don't get much help outside of their normal pay. I don't think you stepped on my toes at all. You had a complaint and wanted your POV out there in the open. That's what this board is for and I'm all about hearing the other side. So no hard feelings here.

Hugs!

Mel

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Avatar for myprecioustwo
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Registered: 04-08-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 11:28am
Thanks sweetie! Sometimes I don't express myself very well.

Hugs back,

catherine
Avatar for cl_tcranky1
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Registered: 03-19-2003
Wed, 08-25-2004 - 2:37pm

You certainly weren't stepping on my toes Catherine.