I would sit tight and let the kids adjust on their own. Maybe read some books? Hopefully your SO will make sure they are not rude or disrespectful but at the same time he will respect their individuality and that they do not have to like you right away. I would make sure he maintains his one on one time with them as it is now so you do not threaten that - at least in their eyes. Good luck!!
I am piggy backing onto your post since I am in the same situation and I am looking for the same advice. Although my situation is a little different. Its my kids who dont want anything to do with my new boyfriend. I cant say I blame them either. He is a nice guy but doesnt know how to act around teens. His kids are younger (9 and 7) and he even acts a little childish around them too. It gets on my nerves. I like his kids and his kids like me but I cant take being around him and his kids for very long.
I can guess why his son doesnt want to be around you two together. Its possible its just teen mentality. They tend to pull away from parents at this age. So it might not have anything to do with you at the moment. I wouldnt push it. They have some more growing up to do and might come around in the future. I have a 21
I use to say jokingly, Love me, love my children (and dog). Actually my children and dog are my best selling points. Those people close in my life do like my children and dog. My children, on the other hand, can take them or leave them. These are not only the women I have dated but my male and female friends. I got divorced when my kids were 12 and 8 yrs old. I started dating immediately. They never really attached and sometimes I shared my time with them with the women I was seeing.
I don't think it is necessary that our children need to feel close with my partner, especially teenagers. Heck, I would be happy that they feel close to me.
So yes, ideally everyone is one big happy, close family but there is no real reason IMHO. The upside is that I can spend time with everyone in my life who I love (partner and children). I don't expect that though. I look to spend quality one-on-one time with my children (now one DD14 since DS18 is away at college) and not to timeshare with my sweetie.
So there is no real reason IMHO to have your children to want to spend time with your bf or even feel close to him. Would you want to hang with their friends?
So there is no real reason IMHO to have your children to want to spend time with your bf or even feel close to him. Would you want to hang with their friends?
Mark has a very valid point here--are you thinking more about family get togethers/holidays and those type of functions?
I loved this response. My now ex-fiance' has older children. He has had some problems with ONE of HIS kids not accepting ME. I was married and went through a divorce when my children were very young. While their dad isn't actively involved my kids do have a dad just like my ex's have a mom. I told him pushing me on them is not COOL. LET IT HAPPEN naturally. Mine summed it up...by saying the person I was seeing or dating was my b/f etc but actually nothing to them. They also show respect and I believe it has to be both ways. I have never done anything to my ex's son or dil to be...I think they just don't want HIM with anyone...how sad! I haven't introduced my ex to my ds but my dd and sil know him. He doesn't or rather didn't get it his son who lives with him is JEALOUS of ME...and it makes ME uncomfortable. I think his son and dil to be are having issues with him dating. Basically we broke up because I cannot deal nor do I want to with daily confrontations between my ex his son and dil to be... My kids just want me to be happy. My dd is 21 and ds is 18 and seem much more mature. I get along with his other kids just been having difficulties with the ones that live with him and unfortunately it has contributed to our breaking-up. I am tired of being the scape-goat. Like you said imho this great big happy family doesn't just happen and it cannot be forced. You can't make someone like you or love you. It just won't work.
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The easiest advice I can give you is let it go.
Why has it been a harder transition on his kids than yours?
I would sit tight and let the kids adjust on their own. Maybe read some books? Hopefully your SO will make sure they are not rude or disrespectful but at the same time he will respect their individuality and that they do not have to like you right away. I would make sure he maintains his one on one time with them as it is now so you do not threaten that - at least in their eyes. Good luck!!
Edited to add: WELCOME! And keep us posted! :-)
Edited 2/18/2008 6:34 pm ET by cl-west1745
I am piggy backing onto your post since I am in the same situation and I am looking for the same advice. Although my situation is a little different. Its my kids who dont want anything to do with my new boyfriend. I cant say I blame them either. He is a nice guy but doesnt know how to act around teens. His kids are younger (9 and 7) and he even acts a little childish around them too. It gets on my nerves. I like his kids and his kids like me but I cant take being around him and his kids for very long.
I can guess why his son doesnt want to be around you two together. Its possible its just teen mentality. They tend to pull away from parents at this age. So it might not have anything to do with you at the moment. I wouldnt push it. They have some more growing up to do and might come around in the future. I have a 21
I use to say jokingly, Love me, love my children (and dog). Actually my children and dog are my best selling points. Those people close in my life do like my children and dog. My children, on the other hand, can take them or leave them. These are not only the women I have dated but my male and female friends. I got divorced when my kids were 12 and 8 yrs old. I started dating immediately. They never really attached and sometimes I shared my time with them with the women I was seeing.
I don't think it is necessary that our children need to feel close with my partner, especially teenagers. Heck, I would be happy that they feel close to me.
So yes, ideally everyone is one big happy, close family but there is no real reason IMHO. The upside is that I can spend time with everyone in my life who I love (partner and children). I don't expect that though. I look to spend quality one-on-one time with my children (now one DD14 since DS18 is away at college) and not to timeshare with my sweetie.
So there is no real reason IMHO to have your children to want to spend time with your bf or even feel close to him. Would you want to hang with their friends?
Mark
So there is no real reason IMHO to have your children to want to spend time with your bf or even feel close to him. Would you want to hang with their friends?
Mark has a very valid point here--are you thinking more about family get togethers/holidays and those type of functions?
April
My now ex-fiance' has older children.
He has had some problems with ONE of HIS kids not accepting ME.
I was married and went through a divorce when my children were very young.
While their dad isn't actively involved my kids do have a dad just like my ex's have a mom.
I told him pushing me on them is not COOL.
LET IT HAPPEN naturally.
Mine summed it up...by saying the person I was seeing or dating was my b/f etc but actually nothing to them. They also show respect and I believe it has to be both ways.
I have never done anything to my ex's son or dil to be...I think they just don't want HIM with anyone...how sad!
I haven't introduced my ex to my ds but my dd and sil know him.
He doesn't or rather didn't get it his son who lives with him is JEALOUS of ME...and it makes ME uncomfortable.
I think his son and dil to be are having issues with him dating.
Basically we broke up because I cannot deal nor do I want to with daily confrontations between my ex his son and dil to be...
My kids just want me to be happy.
My dd is 21 and ds is 18 and seem much more mature.
I get along with his other kids just been having difficulties with the ones that live with him and unfortunately it has contributed to our breaking-up.
I am tired of being the scape-goat.
Like you said imho this great big happy family doesn't just happen and it cannot be forced.
You can't make someone like you or love you.
It just won't work.
Isysmoon,
Alison,
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