Child's Father

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
Child's Father
13
Mon, 05-09-2005 - 3:12pm

I don't even know if this is the right place to ask this question, but I didn't know where else to ask it. It is going to be a long post, but any input or advice would be greatly appreciated. Let me start at the begining. My son Wesley and his father Brant and I were engaged in 2002 to be married that October, but in August I found out that I was pregnant and wanted to postpone the wedding until after I had Wesley so that I wouldn't be pregnant when I walked down the isle. After we had Wesley I keep making excuses for putting off the wedding even longer until November of 2003 when I finally ended the relationship because I was not 100% sure that it would work forever and if it wasn't going to work forever I didn't want our son to know anything of us being together and then getting a divorce. I thought that it was better for us to just never be togehter as far as he could remember any way. Well since the break-up we have always told each other that we love each other. I have myself tried to have other relationship and they have not worked and so has he up until this year. When Brant got married in March. He now has a baby on the way with is wife, Anna. I myself resently meet a guy and become in engaged two weeks later. Having become engaged I have realized several things including the fact that I am still in love with Brant and that I made a huge mistake in leaving him. He also has voiced these same feelings to me about his own situation with Anna that he loves her, but he feels like she pressured him into marrying her and that he would rather be with me. What should I do? Do we try to make things work the way they are or should we try to be together?

PLEASE HELP ANY ADVICE WOULD BE HELPFUL!!!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 2:26pm

Thanks, that gives a much fuller picture of who you are.

You can give him emotional space, I didn't mean cutting him off. But maybe to just say "OK, I don't want to talk about this right now till you decide what you're going to do about your marriage." I think he owes you that much, to make a decision about it and do what needs to be done.

When someone proposes I think it's possible to say "I need to think about this" and if they propose so quick, I'd be saying "you've got to be kidding!"

Just my two cents.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
Tue, 05-10-2005 - 3:54pm

It is great that you are going to school full time and have been working at the same job for 5 years. If only love could be that simple/clear/easy for all of us!! :-)

I agree with Candi/revenoc - I think you need to give your ex a big emotional chill - only discuss matters of the child and put a big limit on how much you see and talk to him. I think you need to respect his marriage and let them sort things out.

Why did you and Brant break up?

I do think you should tell the other guy that you want to take it slow and see if you are meant to be. 2 weeks is way too fast - he needs to make that like 2 years!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-01-2004
Thu, 05-12-2005 - 1:41pm
The biggest reason we broke up was I was teriffied that if we did go through with the marriage that 2, 6, 10 years down the road things wouldn't work out. I figured it better to have Wesley never know us together than for him to know us being together and then lose that. I guess since thinking that I have wised up a relized that there are no guarantees in life. I just want to do what is best for my son.

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