Christmas Vent
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| Tue, 12-21-2004 - 3:06pm |
I feel like the most selfish person on earth right now. And I don't blame anyone for coming back and slapping me in the face for thinking the way I do. Here's the deal...
As you all know, Shane lost his job a week ago and he immediately started a new one. It's going to be fine as long as he gets a check on the 1st. Otherwise, we're toast. The security deposit for our rental house is at the mercy of the owner and when she thinks we need to get it. I spoke to the property manager and she has no control.
We just bought a gorgeous new home, I'm pregnant with a healthy baby girl, it's our first Christmas as a married couple and new family, and I have the most beautiful little boy that adores me and the man I chose to spend my life with. What more could I ask for? Right? So why am I so depressed?
The bonus check Shane got a few weeks ago bought Dylan's Christmas gifts and paid some bills we were behind on. We were both under the impression the advance he took on the 1st was against the bonus check, but we were wrong. We shopped for Dylan, we bought a nice gift for Shane's mom, and I looked for a gift for my folks, but wasn't sure what I wanted to buy yet, so I decided I'd wait on that plus the gifts for Shane and I to exchange until the 15th after he got another check and we got moved. That way, less stuff to move and less chance anyone would run across their gift. Unfortunately, the check he got on the 15th after being fired was just a few hundred dollars because the advance was taken against this check. We've put things off, changed due dates where we could, and it's been a nightmare.
I'm sad because we managed to get Shane's mom a really nice gift and my parents who haven't been able to exchange gifts to each other in years are going to be empty handed. It's not fair. I am thankful as well that we will see Dylan's eyes light up Christmas morning when he sees his gifts under the tree. And he's so sweet because if I couldn't give him a thing, he'd hug me and say, "It's okay mommy." He never asks for anything. He's such a good boy. So sensitive to me and loves me so much.
Okay and YEAH, I'm bummed about Shane's and my gifts. It's not the be all and end all of the day, but I planned on giving him that nice cookware and knives and I know he'd love it. And he planned a special something for me that he tried once to order and got a refund because it couldn't be ordered thru that person. He was very upset. I asked him what it was since he couldn't get it and he said he wouldn't tell me because he wasn't giving up on it yet. It must be special and I know he's upset that this happened and he can't do it now.
Sure, after we get back on our feet we can do a special Christmas just the tow of us when Dylan is gone to his father's. I plan to still give him his gift and for us to go to a nice dinner where he needs to wear a tie and I'll dress up and we'll come back and exchange gifts as we would have Christmas morning. Is it the same? No, but I plan to make it special anyway. He has no idea yet. But I am going to suggest it. Neither of us deserves to go empty handed. We've been thru too much and deserve to give each other the things we have put a lot of thought into over the past months.
I know that there are so many people outh there that have nothing and I'm so thankful I'm not one of them. I know everything happens for a reason. We closed late on our home so we would be relieved of a month of mortgage (we pay in Feb for the first time) because Shane was going to lose his job. It was all part of a plan and we'll be back on track because we are supposed to go thru this test to see how strong we are. And we'll make it. But until then, this will be probably the worst Christmas ever. I can't get into it. Shane even tried to help by putting on some Christmas music he likes and I cried. He feels helpless, but he knows I don't blame him for any of it. What has happened here is not his fault and I hope that his ex boss, the richest man in East Texas is proud of himself. But why wouldn't he be? He has everything. And now I know how he got it. By backstabbing others to get it.
Sorry if I brought anyone down. Just had to say my peace.
Mel

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I don't post here often, but read everyday, as I feel I learn something from this group, however, I felt compelled to post a reply to this message. I am, I feel, older than most on this board, so my insight might be a little different.
First and foremost, being fired is not the end of the world, like it was when I was much younger. Now days individuals are "let go" for many reasons; monetary, need new life blood in the company, etc. I have been "fired" on a couple of occasions. Each time, a new door is opened, a better opportunity arises. I truly believe when the Lord closes one door, he opens another. Never have I harbored hate, ill-will, etc to the person that let me go. They did what they felt they were compelled to do.
One should be so lucky to have a new house, a husband (or mate), the means and the ability to give Christmas presents. When you are feeling so low, go to the local soup kitchen and volunteer your time. You will see just how lucky you are. There are children who have NOTHING. There are people who are not so sure where their next meal is coming from, if they will have a warm place that night to sleep.
Be grateful for what you have, not bitter for what you don't have, or can't give.
"when things settle down a little" I'd start something, but I finally realized, they never DO!
Ain't that the trugh! I've been trying to convince Jas of this. He's still living in this attitude and it drives me up a wall. We'll NEVER get anything done, or do anything big if we keep waiting for things to be ideal.
Mel hon, I am sorry you felt the need to "justify" yourself. You admitted to being a little selfish. You said you were venting (which is why I opened my first reponse to you SAYING I wasn't even sure what kind of response you wanted) and I think everyone here was once again just hoping to help you see the bright side of things.
We all have been through really really tough times. Really tough. We know
Bec, that's all I wanted was someone to understand and to say, "Hey, your problems are not the biggest, but they still are problems and you have the right to feel upset about it."
MY biggest worries really ARE the money for bills, food, etc. Just hoping and praying that Shane's new job pays him on the 1st so we can make it. Sure, we can eat tuna fish sandwiches or peanut butter if we must and be plenty happy doing so. I've been there and it isn't so bad. At least it's food, right? But the bills won't wait.
I know that I also mentioned not being able to finish my shopping. It's not that it's a huge deal and I felt selfish for feeling bad, but I am a giving person and when I can, I want to. As much as I can. We planned to have a big Christmas this year and to be able to give gifts to our closest relatives. So when plans didn't go as we hoped, sure, we were bummed out. Anyone would be, but we know it's alright.
I mentioned in my first post that I realize everything happens for a reason. I was so upset we closed on our house later than expected. But now I'm thankful. Had we closed on time, we'd be responsible for our first mortgage payment Jan. 1. Now we can wait til Feb. 1. I'm not a very religious person, spiritual, but not religious. But I know God was watching us and saying that we needed to wait a few more days to close on our home because a bump in the road (Shane's firing) would be happening. Now we at least have time to get back on our feet before we pay our first house payment. And for that, I'm grateful too.
I honestly teared up when I read your post because I finally got a response that said, "yeah, you're whining but I understand how you feel". It meant a lot. Really.
And I apologize to Min because I never intended to make her problems seem small. They aren't by any means and I know she never intended to get a group of members to jump to her rescue. She has proven time and time again she can hold her own. And just as I said, I wasn't thinking about her when I posted. I was involved in my own hardships as most others are when they vent and we never do take the time before posting to think about what others have been thru. But just because others have been thru messes, it doesn't make our problems any less important to us, does it? Should it? Of course not. And Min never said that I had no right to be upset. She just wanted to point out that she too has issues and would give anything to be in my shoes instead of her own. I respect that and I didn't (as one poster said) try to pour salt in her wounds by responding. I'm not that hateful.
So thanks to you, Bec, for giving me a hug. That's all I really wanted. Nothing more. And I'm not going anywhere.
Mel
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No hard feelings between you and I, Mel. And no, I didn't feel you were pouring salt in my wounds, at all. And yeah, I can hold my own! LOL And please understand I am not - at all - saying my Christmas is going to be terrible. Far from it. In fact, despite everything going on - I'm sure it's going to be one of the best in history simply because I choose to make it that way. I choose to NOT be down, to not be depressed. I make that conscience choice every single solitary day. And I have for years. Numerous surgeries, a year trying to conceive Jojo, a miserable marriage, a messy divorce, financial woes, woes, woes, an unplanned pregnancy, cervical cancer, bed rest forever, it seemed, TT's mom almost dying, issues with Jojo and the divorce, issues with Alex and his health and speech (or lack thereof! LOL!), TT working more and more and more and more, more responsibilities on me, everything my sister and niece are going through, the guilt my entire family feels over it (such a useless emotion, guilt) and a personal history of clinical depression - I could let it get me down. Easily. I choose, every single solitary day - to try to see the big picture. To decide "you know, in 2 years, 5 years, 10 years - I'm barely going to remember this. And then I'll laugh and remember the lessons learned. I'm sooooo blessed! I'll focus on that!!!!!!!!"
Yes you are upset, understandably so. *I* simply want you to look at the BIG picture. The BIG one. 10 years from now - you are going to look back and go "dang, we were sure thrown some loops and had a really challenging time right before Christmas - but we were certainly BLESSED with a beautiful, healthy family, a beautiful new home, and food - even if it was tuna fish! on the table!" I doubt anyone will remember what they did or didn't get. You are sooooo blessed, Mel! SOOOOO BLESSED! FOCUS intently on the blessings!
Huge hugs to you, girl!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
I'm trying each day to reflect on what's good in my life. It's not always easy, but I always end up finding a way to make it better. Having Shane and Dylan sure help me a lot. They are my rocks. My angels. I understand about having lots of and probably TOO MANY responsibilities on your back. I've single handedly put this house together and I'm still working on it. I know in time, I'll get it all done. But it sure as heck looks amazing already. No new paint, but I decided I'm hanging pics up anyway. I'll take them down when I get the paint and put them back up again. I think having pictures, especially one of my Gran (God bless her soul) will make me feel better. The empty walls are depressing. And just a reminder that we haven't painted due to lack of money. I get my negativity from my mom and my drama from my father. It's weird because women are usually the dramatics, but my father throws a fit at the drop of a hat and I'm just like him. Poor Shane! LOL! But he seems to love me just as I am, but never denies himself the chance to tell me I'm out of line. But I need that. Christmas is a time to be happy and be with family and we will undoubtably be with family. People who love us. And you're right, in a few years, I'll remember this time in my life and say, "Hey it sucked and I got thru it! Hooray for me!"
I'm so glad you can think positively with all that is going on. It's a gift. I know deep within myself I have that too. And I'm searching for that so I can just get up and smile and say, it's a new day! I miss Dylan and he wants to come home. He said so on the phone the other night. I think having him back here will give me so much more to smile about. His sweet little face and that belly laugh just do wonders for my soul. He is all that kept me sane in my divorce. Now feeling Emily moving around and having Shane being able to feel her and becoming so much more involved now that he sees and feels how real she is works wonders too. I guess even though it isn't the Christmas we planned, maybe it won't be the worst. And if it is, there is always next year and the next and so on to make up for this.
Thank you, Min. And bless your family for the holidays!
Mel
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LOL - We moved in in AUGUST and we still don't have one single, solitary picture hung on the walls!!!!!!!!!
But it doesn't depress me. At all. It depresses TT - but I get home and think it's so clean and serene - I LOVE it! I don't EVER want to hang pictures!
Mindy
http://cosmosandcranium.blogspot.com/
Mel I am not pickin on you. This comes from my own experience. I came to a point where, to make any progress in my life I HAD to get a grip on my emotions. They were holding me back and every time I got a little ahead (emotionally, financially, etc) I would go into some tailspin that would set me back for a few days or a week. I got tired of doing that and changed my thinking habits...it's never THAT bad. Unless you're dead, and then...no more worries! :)
Ok, that's an oversimplification, but you know what I mean.
Some of my favorite sayings
Where there's life, there's hope
If it's only money it can be fixed
I know you're not pickin'. And I'm alright now. I've been doing some thinking and I did something that helped mood....I put up pictures in the house and got the living room decorated almost completely yesterday. Plus we got a call from our former property manager that she arranged for our deposit to come right away. So I'm happy about that.
Oh and guess what???? I went the the doctor yesterday for my monthly check up and not only have they allowed me to make payment arrangements, which is nice, the baby's heart sounds awesome, she's growing just fine and I didn't gain any more weight. So over 5 months along and 6 pounds weight gain total!
WOO HOO!
That's enough to make ANY girl jump for joy!
Mel
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