Christmas Vent
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| Tue, 12-21-2004 - 3:06pm |
I feel like the most selfish person on earth right now. And I don't blame anyone for coming back and slapping me in the face for thinking the way I do. Here's the deal...
As you all know, Shane lost his job a week ago and he immediately started a new one. It's going to be fine as long as he gets a check on the 1st. Otherwise, we're toast. The security deposit for our rental house is at the mercy of the owner and when she thinks we need to get it. I spoke to the property manager and she has no control.
We just bought a gorgeous new home, I'm pregnant with a healthy baby girl, it's our first Christmas as a married couple and new family, and I have the most beautiful little boy that adores me and the man I chose to spend my life with. What more could I ask for? Right? So why am I so depressed?
The bonus check Shane got a few weeks ago bought Dylan's Christmas gifts and paid some bills we were behind on. We were both under the impression the advance he took on the 1st was against the bonus check, but we were wrong. We shopped for Dylan, we bought a nice gift for Shane's mom, and I looked for a gift for my folks, but wasn't sure what I wanted to buy yet, so I decided I'd wait on that plus the gifts for Shane and I to exchange until the 15th after he got another check and we got moved. That way, less stuff to move and less chance anyone would run across their gift. Unfortunately, the check he got on the 15th after being fired was just a few hundred dollars because the advance was taken against this check. We've put things off, changed due dates where we could, and it's been a nightmare.
I'm sad because we managed to get Shane's mom a really nice gift and my parents who haven't been able to exchange gifts to each other in years are going to be empty handed. It's not fair. I am thankful as well that we will see Dylan's eyes light up Christmas morning when he sees his gifts under the tree. And he's so sweet because if I couldn't give him a thing, he'd hug me and say, "It's okay mommy." He never asks for anything. He's such a good boy. So sensitive to me and loves me so much.
Okay and YEAH, I'm bummed about Shane's and my gifts. It's not the be all and end all of the day, but I planned on giving him that nice cookware and knives and I know he'd love it. And he planned a special something for me that he tried once to order and got a refund because it couldn't be ordered thru that person. He was very upset. I asked him what it was since he couldn't get it and he said he wouldn't tell me because he wasn't giving up on it yet. It must be special and I know he's upset that this happened and he can't do it now.
Sure, after we get back on our feet we can do a special Christmas just the tow of us when Dylan is gone to his father's. I plan to still give him his gift and for us to go to a nice dinner where he needs to wear a tie and I'll dress up and we'll come back and exchange gifts as we would have Christmas morning. Is it the same? No, but I plan to make it special anyway. He has no idea yet. But I am going to suggest it. Neither of us deserves to go empty handed. We've been thru too much and deserve to give each other the things we have put a lot of thought into over the past months.
I know that there are so many people outh there that have nothing and I'm so thankful I'm not one of them. I know everything happens for a reason. We closed late on our home so we would be relieved of a month of mortgage (we pay in Feb for the first time) because Shane was going to lose his job. It was all part of a plan and we'll be back on track because we are supposed to go thru this test to see how strong we are. And we'll make it. But until then, this will be probably the worst Christmas ever. I can't get into it. Shane even tried to help by putting on some Christmas music he likes and I cried. He feels helpless, but he knows I don't blame him for any of it. What has happened here is not his fault and I hope that his ex boss, the richest man in East Texas is proud of himself. But why wouldn't he be? He has everything. And now I know how he got it. By backstabbing others to get it.
Sorry if I brought anyone down. Just had to say my peace.
Mel

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It was so strong and LOUD. I'm so happy each time I hear it. I hate that Shane has to miss those visits because he works further away now. The wait in the office is usually long and he works 30 miles away now and has to be at work by 8. Since it's a new job, I just do it alone and only aks that he come to those that are for ultrasounds or other really crucial appointments.
Last ultrasound when we found out the sex, it was found that I do have marginal previa, which will result in one more ultrasound at 7 months to see if it's cleared up. Otherwise, we might be planning a c-section and going ahead and scheduling the date for close to my due date. I sure hope it all clears up. In most cases, it does. So I'm not too worried. Just about having a C, that's all. I want this delivery to be natural like Dylan's. Recovery was a breeze. Shane will have to be at that ultrasound too. And he will gladly go.
Next visit is the blood glucose test. YUK!
Mel
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Is it any easier the second time around? I was so apprehensive about all those tests - blood test, glucose test, ultrasound (where you have to drink a lot!!), etc.
I was hoping you would say it is not so bad since you know what to expect. But then again, I wouldn't say that about a PAP smear!!
I think you are doing all you can - you just have to make Shane feel a part of it and do the best with his work - don't add stress - just make him feel part of it. 30 miles is a long way - but hopefully it is mostly highway?
You know what I was thinking as I was reading this thread? Ten years from now, I'll bet you won't think "this sucked, but we made it", like you think you will. Have you considered that in ten years you'll be thinking, "We hit a rough patch but it was the best time ever. I wish we had appreciated it more!" What I'm saying is that sometimes we don't recognize the really good times while we're living them out. It sounds like life is pretty good, besides the financial issues. Oh yeah, I know it sucks when you're trying to figure out how to juggle bills. Believe me, that is my reality 12 months out of the year. But, I'm also a firm believer that things ALWAYS happen for a reason - and it sounds like you believe that too.
It sounds like your trip to the doctor helped your spirits. I hope that continues and that you have the best Christmas ever! This is a great year to start some new traditions - drive around and look at Christmas lights or maybe have a Christmas movie night with popcorn and sleeping bags.
Merry Christmas!!
I thought the same thing Beck. J and I are always saying when things slow down or when we settle into our new house... Well we have been here for almost a year and we STILL have stuff to do and guess what...we found a house of our own so now we have to rush to get the things repaired in this house 1st before we leave. It's a never ending cycle. We just have to fit things in...maybe this should be our goal this year, to just do it.
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