cl-tcranky1 - f/u from previous thread

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Registered: 04-06-2003
cl-tcranky1 - f/u from previous thread
1
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 9:54pm
Thanks for replying to my previous post about my new boyfriend and his relationship with the kids.

My relationship with my ex is excellent. We have remained friends and work together to raise the kids. We communicate about them as much as possible and they see us together, being very civil to one another on a regular basis.

In fact, when I travel for work, he comes to stay at my house with the kids.

Does this help you answer my previous question?

Terri

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Registered: 03-19-2003
Fri, 10-08-2004 - 11:01pm
Wow! I'm glad I opened your post. At first I was thinking "f/u" meant something very different than what you meant. I was thinking gee, how did I offend her already? ;)

Glad that's not the case.

Yes, the information does help. I would think that your kids might very well see the possibility of you and daddy getting back together. I know it's probably very convenient for him to sleep at your house when you travel, but do you think that might be a little confusing? Even if that's not the case, I would venture to say the kids are now seeing your guy in a new light, especially your dd, and kids can often have really irrational thoughts. Like, "Oh now that mommy's got a boyfriend, daddy isn't going to be my daddy anymore." And it's nothing you've done or not done, it's just kids being vulnerable.

How much have you actually sat down with them one on one to talk about their feelings towards the divorce and towards you and your new bf? Even the little one needs to know that it's okay to be confused or upset and they can come to you with those feelings.

Give it some time, it'll definitely get better.

And as far as helping your guy deal, I think he needs to either deal or not deal. There's not a lot you can do to convince him. If he's really in love with you and wants to make a go of it long-term, he'll understand that this is a big adjustments to kids and their reactions are all over the board. If he wants to be with you all, he's got to be there for the hard stuff too or else he's not worth keeping around.

just my two cents anyway!

Hope this helps.

Hugs

Tara