Coffee Date Report

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Coffee Date Report
24
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 1:56pm

Okay girls. This is coming out in a flood without prior thinking and editing.

He is okay in the looks department. But a bit older looking than his pictures for sure. We meet at Starbucks and I was ready to ring the order takers' necks. They are both new and asked me so many questions about a simple iced tea - I could have choked them - maybe it was nerves or I needed rlch's champagne instead? They kept asking the size and the flavor and what do I want in it? LOL!!

We chatted for almost an hour and then both had to go.

Like: I like that he is polite and is happy with his work and seems to do okay. I know his business has contracted since all of building has in this country - but he has downsized and is doing remodeling and seems to be afloat. Has been in it a long time.

Dislike: He didn't seem at all interested in my sports stuff. Only talked about his work. His decorating tastes seem very stuffy to me - but I guess that is the luxury home business where people like to put in Louis the 14th furniture - he had asked how I decorate and I explained how I have found bargains that are comfortable and used the Sell this House principle of design and I don't think he was too impressed with that.

He did say he wants to get together again and will call. He asked how does dating work with your son? I said it has never been an issue - I have sitters or can dash out for a bite to eat for dinner. He knows my son has a dad in the picture who takes him half of every weekend. For some reason that felt awkward to me - but not sure why.

I don't know. If I put a picture in my mind right now I see wilted lettuce. Not sure? Maybe I need lunch and a bike ride to perk me up.

Votes and thoughts are appreciated.

I guess maybe you could say I prefer more of a rugged sporty type and this one seems a bit fruity?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:01pm
He sounds very nice, but not your type at all and definitely not a good match for you.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:05pm

There is something there that reminds me of my exh.

Here is what my helper typed on the IM:
"money is great, but if you're a dweeb, a rich dweeb is still a dweeb"

She was incensed that he only talked about work and made me feel like my house is not a decorator's delight.

UGH.

But it was a nice date - I mean no horrors like being way too short or showing up late or being obnoxious. More like a dress rehearsal for something else I guess.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:10pm

Yes, exactly.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:17pm

I don't blame you, Liz. I spent YEARS in exactly that frame of mind.

I am having more thoughts stream in. He is not inquisitive and fun - but rather judgemental in a way. I mean, I have a lot of interesting things to talk about - he could ask how I started my own business, what do I do in a race, what I like to cook, about my culinary school. I mean all he asked about was my decorating skills. And what single mom really has time for interior design art? My house is very nice but it is not Louis the 14th. When I mentioned I modeled it a bit after some mediterranean things I saw he made the comment that is going out of style. UGH.

I think he is OUT already. Of course he might not call at all.

But one thing I have learned and that is that you have to be yourself and hold true to yourself. If someone likes you and wants to learn more that is great and if it is all about them that is not so great. I think a lot of guys tend to be all about themselves. I was married to one of those and don't want to go there again!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-23-2006
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 2:22pm
Yikes, he sounds like an old fogy!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-28-2004
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 3:18pm

LOL! I just liked that you used the word "fruity" in your post. I thought I was the only one that used that word!

It's great to hear about first dates and first impressions. So many times, they are very "true to form." This coffee date of yours...you didn't sound very excited. But you met someone new anyway.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 3:51pm

I think it's awesome that you know what you want..and don't want. So many of us, usually when we are more needy, will "settle" for someone who doesn't have the things we need, just because we think we can't do any better. With time comes the confidance you have to say "next" and know that the right one will come along..and knock your socks off.


Way to go on getting out there but having the esteem to say next!


~Pacific




Edited 10/2/2007 3:51 pm ET by pacific_sun
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 4:18pm

I used to be like a job applicant interviewing for a position and praying I got the job. But 4 years alone and building a great life pulled me out of that mode. Now I make sure I like the way they make me feel and see how they treat me.

My past relationships I always tried to please the other person in the hopes of getting enough attention; I was too nice and always treated like a door mat. But no more.

I want to get what I give. That is a tall order in my age group on match.

My sister was in stitches laughing when I told her of my story. She said he is way too negative and stuffy. Her best friend is now divorced and trying to date. Unfortunately for her she met the nicest man but he turned out to be married. That is a most horrendous experience.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 6:18pm

Well.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 10-02-2007 - 6:49pm

I can get over the looks department and give another date if that is the only thing that doesn't wow me. Because I have done that many times.

But he won't get another one because as the day wears on and I tell the story it becomes edited and analyzed for a good summary and I have a clear reason as to why not:

He is too focused on himself and too negative for new ideas and doesn't make me feel like he is interested in anything I say or do.

He blabbed on and on about his work and didn't seem to mind to criticize me for my explanation of where I bought my furniture and how I decorated the house. And he said, "oh you go out of town for your races?" in a negative manner. And I could tell he didn't like the idea that I had already booked one to Arizona in the spring. He said how long have you felt athletic or done that sort of thing. And he never asked me why I would pick AZ or anything about that race - and it is an IRONMAN for heaven's sakes.

And he never asked me about my cooking school, my son or any of my other interests.

And today when the dogs came in the house all muddy, I mean black mud muddy, I said to them - I would dare to say you would not fit in the plan either because those muddy paws would ruin a Louis the 14th type of chair or rug!!! LOL!!!!!!!!!

Okay girls - and I do have a very nice house. It is done in the Mediterranean style and he snubs that and says it is getting tired. I had also asked him if he designed or built any of the beautiful mansions in the area north of here on the beach. I always admire them from my bike - it is one of my favorite rides - and I remarked at how neat it is that they look like castles. He snubbed them.

And I don't think he much appreciated that I have taken the time over the years to select my furniture from the clearance centers of popular furniture stores. It is quality stuff at .05 on the dollar. I rented a UHAUL or made many trips with my SUV to get it and had a ball - it was a grand adventure for me. It looks nice but is warm and cozy in the colors of spice so it can withstand a little dirt, too. And I got a great deal on a handmade rug from the orient from a major furniture store that went out of business. I found it on the way home from a 4 hour bike ride and offered the man 10% of its value and got it. It is my prize.

And when I explained all I learned from Sell this House he laughed and said the stuff they do doesn't last. Good thing I wasn't applying to be his interior designer! But I really do love that show because they fix and make better what the common man does and when I applied their simple and cheap and easy to use principles my house became very good to me.

And his snobbiness is plain rude. I mean how many of you here would have taken the time to learn a great deal about interior design and fine decorating themes? That is plain mean. Because most of us are lucky to have our own house and to have the furniture paid off. A single parent is just not focussed on this type of stuff.

Maybe he lives under a turnip?

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