Confused
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Confused
| Wed, 03-15-2006 - 6:48pm |
I met this guy over the summer. We hung out together several times. He called a lot to ask me on dates but I just wasn't ready. At the end of January, he called again and I decided to give it a shot. Our first real date, I guess, was on Valentine's Day. He came over and cooked for my daughter and I. She is 9 and I am 29. He is 31. It was great. Since then we have been doing things together all the time. With and without our kids. Oh, by the way he has a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Every morning he sends me a text message that says Good Morning or at night he will send one that says Good Night. Recently, this has changed and it seems like he is brushing me off by not sending the texts or not answering my calls. Then when he does respond, he says "I have a lot on my mind." Which he does. He is very busy with his job and has has investment properties on the side. Today as we were instant messaging each other he said that we needed to sit down and talk. I asked him why and he said to discuss feelings. I told him that I thoughtI could see this coming. He said it is not a big deal but I think it is. My stomach is in knots. I asked him if I did something wrong and he said to stop, that some people have good traits and some have not so good traits. I am really confused on what that means. Was he talking about me or him. I also asked him if we were still on for Friday because we made plans and he said sure. Maybe it was too much too fast. I just can't figure it out. He is a wonderful person. We are a little different. He is very easy going, laid back and very positive. I am very uptight about somethings but overall I am easy going and I am sometimes negative and he comments on that a lot. I want to make this work but I don't know what to say or do. I think I may be smothering him. Please help me because we are going to have the "talk" real soon.

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Michelle,
Any updates?
I am curious about an update, too. Hopefully everything is okay.
My little tid-bit of relationship advice to add is this:remember that no matter what comes out of this, good or bad, sometimes relationships end because no matter what you want to be to that person, you (or they) are not always the right "type." This is something that can't be helped. If you keep that in mind, it helps. Recognizing that they have relationship needs that are different than yours and that is the reason they don't want to make it work instead of putting the blame on yourself and hating yourself for not being "perfect" is very hard to do, but I really learned to use this and it helps me stay both grounded and spares me a lot of self-hate. Basically remember, it's NOT you, it's the dynamics of the relationship...you need someone to meet your needs and if he isn't able or wanting to meet the needs you have, trust me, he's not the one. It has nothing to do with you being a good/bad person, he probably sees all of the good inside of you he just might not feel like you are the right person for him.
But, of course I hope that things did not go the way you were concerned they would.
Hugs,
--snow
Well, last night he came over for dinner. It was very pleasant. We ate and then fooled around some. Then I brought up that we didn't talk and he said "we will". I said okay but I am still confused on what he is waiting for.
I sent him a text message after he left last night saying "you know we never talked" and he just responded "(winking) we will".
And to top it all off, I was confirming our plans for tonight and he said no for now but get back with him later in the afternoon. He said he has a lot going on with his investment properties. So confusing. Oh well I am still going with my friends hopefully. I
I'm sorry darling, but I think you relationship has taken a "turn" for the worse. Once you get put into a "booty call" position, their isnt much hope for more. I know you don't think that is what he's doing, but from my view, experience and from what you described, that is exactly what he is doing.
Ladies. do any of you see alarms going off?
I just ended a relationship, because my needs were not met. For several reasons, but at first he was SO INTO ME and then once he felt comfortable I noticed that his idea of us being together, only meant one thing and nothing more. When I told him I didn't think we fit, he said, he didn't think so either, because I was to emotionally intense. HMMM.. INTENSE? Maybe because if a guy tells me (not vice versa) he wants to date me exclusively, I don't see why he is still online at match.com. To me, if you say you want to be with me, then you are with me and NO one else, unless we specified dating others. That was clear, so why play that game? I am allowed to confront him and get angry. Then he said he wanted to talk to me about it, but when he didn't I walked out on him. He cooked me dinner and then he thought I would forget about it and he wanted to fool around; I walked out the door. He said that just makes me emotionally intense. I say "NO,
Well, I sure hope that is not what is going on. That makes me really sad. Especially since I introduced my daughter to him.
I spoke to my friend last night who has been friends with him for about 10 years. She said that the talk is probably a good thing but he is just waiting to feel me out and waiting for the right time. He is a pretty straight forward kind of guy so if he wanted to call it quits, I think he would have been very blunt about it. I am just not sure about why it is taking so long for him to just say what he has to say. And if it is bad, just do it so I can get on with my life. I have never been in the business of waiting around except for when I think I have a good thing going and that is what I think I have or thought I had.
Who knows, maybe it is just all in my head that something bad is going to happen and I am thinking the worst or maybe it is the worst and I just don't want to admit it.
Well, I still say that if the guy had manners, he would say what you
Thank you for your advice. I just hope that it turns out for the better and not the worse.
I just sent him and IM stating that we needed to talk this afternoon before I leave to go out. I hope this was too forward of me but I think I deserve the right to know what is going on and if I am being made a fool of.
Well no response yet, just as I thought. But it has only been 5 minutes so I guess I will just have to go about my business and wait and see what is the big deal.
thumbs up on keeping KEWL, because I would be fuming! I don't have that sort of patience. I would feel as if I was getting the run around and I would just want to throttle him. No wonder I'm still single. LOL
I spoke to my daughters Grandmother who is a nurse and she has pinpointed it, that my hormones are totally out of whack during my menstrual cycle and I will become TOTALLY unglued, irrational and see shadow (if you know what I mean ;) ) I just always get so bent out of shape during that time and every other time I am really cool. Therefore, I am going to start medication to regulate the time before my cycle. Their are quite a few I can take, but I have to see a Doctor (ob/gyn) to get the right one for me.
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