Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Confused
58
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 6:48pm
I met this guy over the summer. We hung out together several times. He called a lot to ask me on dates but I just wasn't ready. At the end of January, he called again and I decided to give it a shot. Our first real date, I guess, was on Valentine's Day. He came over and cooked for my daughter and I. She is 9 and I am 29. He is 31. It was great. Since then we have been doing things together all the time. With and without our kids. Oh, by the way he has a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Every morning he sends me a text message that says Good Morning or at night he will send one that says Good Night. Recently, this has changed and it seems like he is brushing me off by not sending the texts or not answering my calls. Then when he does respond, he says "I have a lot on my mind." Which he does. He is very busy with his job and has has investment properties on the side. Today as we were instant messaging each other he said that we needed to sit down and talk. I asked him why and he said to discuss feelings. I told him that I thoughtI could see this coming. He said it is not a big deal but I think it is. My stomach is in knots. I asked him if I did something wrong and he said to stop, that some people have good traits and some have not so good traits. I am really confused on what that means. Was he talking about me or him. I also asked him if we were still on for Friday because we made plans and he said sure. Maybe it was too much too fast. I just can't figure it out. He is a wonderful person. We are a little different. He is very easy going, laid back and very positive. I am very uptight about somethings but overall I am easy going and I am sometimes negative and he comments on that a lot. I want to make this work but I don't know what to say or do. I think I may be smothering him. Please help me because we are going to have the "talk" real soon.
Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: mlvincent26
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 3:35pm
I know this is soooo difficult for you! I wish I could say something that would be positive, but I just don't see any at this time. Make yourself rare. Show him you don't care if he calls or not. Try to focus on something else. I know it is all very hard to do when all you want him to do is call
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: mlvincent26
Thu, 03-30-2006 - 7:57pm

"He'll be wondering what brought the sudden change from texting and writing to a complete standstill. He will get curious and see a challenge again; then he'll try again to get in your life as long as it's a game."


I totally agree!


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 8:46am

Well, this is the email that I received this morning. I know what I should think, but should I respond?

~~As you know, I haven't spoken much lately. The reason is I don't feel we are compatible and I am too much of a chicken to tell you in person. I don't like seeing someone disappointed. I have a full day with the office and rental/house work. You want someone that can be there with you at any time. I don't have time to be a boyfriend to you. I have to look at my daughter's future and make sure she has the best childhood ever...she only has one. I don't think she will have the best childhood if we stay together. I feel like we have been together for a few years and it hasn't been 2 months. I want it to be exciting and fresh every day. I don't feel the excitement. You have made some improvements since we started dating and that is wonderful. I think you may be doing them for the wrong reason, however. I hope you continue to strive for the best.
I'm sorry this had to come in the form of a Dear John letter but I hope you understand.~~

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:41am

I know this is heart breaking for you! But I am finally glad he is MAN enough to finally tell you; even though it doesn't change the fact that he is

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 9:48am

Aw honey, I'm sorry ((((HUGS))))


At least now you know what he's thinking, but what a lousy way to do it.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 11:03am

Thank you so much guys for making me feel so much better. I was upset this morning but now I think I am just angry.

I finally sent a response that reads:

~~Thanks for the heads up; took you long enough. Next time try not to take so long wasting someone's time.~~

He didn't respond and I don't expect him to. I felt that by the advice of the person's I have been confiding in, seems like the whole relationship, I had nothing more to lose.

I do deserve better and will not settle for anything less than the best for myself and my child.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 12:23pm

I'm glad you sent him the straight, short and simple response. Now delete him from your email address book, delete him out of your phone list... and don't contact him ever again. You're better off and there's no point in trying to chase him after he's (finally-sheesh) made it clear where he stands. I have to be glad that he did finally TELL you something rather than dragging things out. It DOES suck to high balls that he did it in email rather than having that face-to-face talk that he seemed to want to do awhile back. But at least it's out, and you can know in your heart that it's DONE, and that he's not worth YOUR time anymore. You deserve someone with more class, more backbone, and someone who can love you the way you want them to.

Hugs nevertheless, because an email like that would've made me spill my morning coffee. But please know you are SO MUCH BETTER OFF without his ambivalence in your life.

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

Avatar for myprecioustwo
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 12:36pm
You are beautiful and I am so proud of you! What you said was perfect. As shrimpy said, get rid of every email, address and number that you've been keeping. He isn't worth another thought. GOSH HE MAKES ME SO ANGRY! WHAT A FREAKING WHOOOS!
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 3:59pm

Thank you so much for everything today guys! Without ya'll I would have probably sulked all day long. Instead I picked myself up, brushed myself off and got moving.

I also sent another email about what to do with his clothes that I have of his. He said to drop them at his house whenever. Well.......I can do one of three things. 1) Dress really cute and then go when he is home or 2) wrap his clothes up in a cute bag with a ribbon and all and tie them to his front door or 3) forget about it.

Hmmmmm.......decisions, decisions. My inner cynical self said to wear a cute black bra and matching thong, go late at night, knock on the door and leave the clothes and walk away slowly but hey who am I kidding. Good thought though but not to be tried.

I can't wait to get my computer at home fixed so that I can chat with yall on the weekend again.

Well just in case we don't talk before Monday, have a GOOD WEEKEND!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 4:01pm

It sounds to me like he is being childish - just wants everything fun and easy - and he doesn't really feel ready for a relationship because of his child. He doesn't want the work - it has nothing to do with you.

You want someone who brings out the best in you and wants you and wants what you want. Now that you don't have this dodo making you sad you will find it.

Hugs! And pots of virtual chocolate sent your way.

Try now to get real strong on your own so you get picky and keep your expectations. Keep us all posted - we are always here for you and enjoy having you here. You don't have to be dating to post here!!

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