Confused

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
Confused
58
Wed, 03-15-2006 - 6:48pm
I met this guy over the summer. We hung out together several times. He called a lot to ask me on dates but I just wasn't ready. At the end of January, he called again and I decided to give it a shot. Our first real date, I guess, was on Valentine's Day. He came over and cooked for my daughter and I. She is 9 and I am 29. He is 31. It was great. Since then we have been doing things together all the time. With and without our kids. Oh, by the way he has a 2 1/2 year old daughter. Every morning he sends me a text message that says Good Morning or at night he will send one that says Good Night. Recently, this has changed and it seems like he is brushing me off by not sending the texts or not answering my calls. Then when he does respond, he says "I have a lot on my mind." Which he does. He is very busy with his job and has has investment properties on the side. Today as we were instant messaging each other he said that we needed to sit down and talk. I asked him why and he said to discuss feelings. I told him that I thoughtI could see this coming. He said it is not a big deal but I think it is. My stomach is in knots. I asked him if I did something wrong and he said to stop, that some people have good traits and some have not so good traits. I am really confused on what that means. Was he talking about me or him. I also asked him if we were still on for Friday because we made plans and he said sure. Maybe it was too much too fast. I just can't figure it out. He is a wonderful person. We are a little different. He is very easy going, laid back and very positive. I am very uptight about somethings but overall I am easy going and I am sometimes negative and he comments on that a lot. I want to make this work but I don't know what to say or do. I think I may be smothering him. Please help me because we are going to have the "talk" real soon.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-04-2004
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 4:44pm

I'll tell ya what to do with his clothes. He doesn't sound like he's very desperate to get them back: "He said to drop them at his house whenever"?!??? And he's wanting YOU to bring them back to him- when he's the one who broke things off (in email no less)!!!!!

Okay, girlfriend. Time to find your inner b~tch and get your woman-power back. Forget trying to tease him with dropping them off at his house at "sexy" times of the night. Forget trying to decorate up the clothes in a nice bag. Forget HIM.

I say to just put his clothes in a simple garbage bag and throw them out. Or have a bye-bye-boyfriend bonfire. lol

Too mean? Okay- put the clothes in a garbage bag and leave them by your front door. Email or call him and tell him his clothes are in a bag and to come get them himself. After a couple of days, if they are not picked up, throw them away and then don't look back.

Do NOT go to his house to deliver them. Do NOT try to win him back or make him sorry for losing you (he won't even notice or care, and that will just make you feel worse). Just get RID of the clothes in some way- and forget about him. He obviously is not worried about the clothes, so why should you?

Sorry if I'm being harsh, but I really don't like how this guy treated you and you're still thinking of ways to be nice to him. Let your inner b!tch out- THIS is the time to let it roar for awhile! ;-)

~shrimpy

~shrimpy

"A man who wants something will find a way; a man who doesn't will find an excuse." ~Stephen Dolley Jr.

~<

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-08-2006
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 4:56pm

I agree with the sentiment behind your post, Shrimpy!

Honey, you need to just bag his crap up, and not even call. He'll get the message when you don't come over bearing gifts and his crap... if he wants it back, he'll come get it.

If not, it isn't your problem.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-25-2004
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 6:02pm

AGREED shrimps - this is excellent advice.

I would be inclined to donate them to a charity.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 03-31-2006 - 8:05pm

Michelle,


I agree with Shrimpy that you should email him back and tell him that his clothes are in the black garbage bag on your porch for him to pick up *whenever*.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-20-2004
In reply to: mlvincent26
Sun, 04-02-2006 - 6:58pm

ITA. I would have not even bothered to ask about his clothes. I would have just gave them away. Oops. Like our co-boardies said, don't do another thing for him. He wouldn't do it for you. If he had some things of yours, he would expect you to pick them up yourself.

I am so sorry things didn't work out. But remember, it's not you, it's him. He isn't willing to make the effort and you are too sweet and too beautiful a person to waste on the likes of him.

hugs and I'll send along some fruit with the chocolate so we can have fondue AND vitamin C!! ;)

--snow

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-21-2003
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 1:19pm

Hello all!

Just wanted to give an update!

Since Friday, no contact with him besides the occassional joke email. I have not let him get me down.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2003
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 3:00pm

WHY THE HECK

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2006
In reply to: mlvincent26
Fri, 04-07-2006 - 11:32pm
well when stuff like this happens the only thing i fell you can do is just kind of back off, let them know that you are hear for them nomatter what, maybe even give him so space and try to play hard to get. Dont call him for a day or two and see what happens. good luck

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