Confused...all the time

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2013
Confused...all the time
1
Fri, 05-10-2013 - 9:33pm

My situation is a really long story but rather than go into all details...the short version is this....My husband and I were married for 7 years...had 2 kids...met a couple whose kids went to the same daycare as ours.  We all became best friends.  Needless to say....my husband left...she kicked her husband out and the 2 of them are now together.  This happened 4 years ago.  I went through the hurt, pain, anger, etc.  Still am angry at times.  Still don't quite understand everything.  The husband of the other couple and I have remained friends.  It's a frustrating friendship to me.  While I know him very well and I'm comfortable with him....he wants way more than I do.  Our kids are obviously close because our ex's are together so they are with each other all the time.   I don't know if I don't want a relationship with him because he reminds me of all of this hurt and pain and I just want someone that reminds me of "happy".  I know my kids like him but to me that's not enough.  I don't want to settle.  I've never been able to get him to understand.  I've severed ties with him because he becomes very clingy (he's 6 years younger than me too).  I'm 38 and he's 32.  He's OVERLY nice.  Does things for me when I don't ask him to, when drop everything just to help me...but for some reason I find this more annoying than kind.  I feel like he goes out of his way to try and please me.  I don't ask for it and it ends up just frustrating me and I find myself being mean to him.  Almost like I'm trying to get him to go away.  Sometimes I think..."I must be crazy not to want a person that is attractive, kind, loving and truly cares for me."  But I don't know what I want.  I really don't want a relationship with anyone at this point.  Even though it's been 4 years....I only want to be with my kids.  They are 8 and 4 years old.  I want to focus on them.  What in the world is wrong with me????  What should I do with him and my relationship with him????  Should I severe ties for good?  Because I don't believe he can handle just a frienship...claims he can....but I think deep down he will always hold onto hope that we will be more.   Just not sure what to do with him or myself.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2006
Mon, 07-15-2013 - 5:42pm

Tell him how you feel.What you just told us.He needs to know.You;re just not ready for a relationship.That's all.He needs to know how you feel.