could use a hug
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| Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm |
....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?
I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.
He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

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Yeah, that would be fun if I can get my dg ladies to go out for a drink or something- I'll bring it up today.
{{{HUGS}}}
Disc Golf sounds like good therapy for you Pacsun.
I find it takes being in my body, i.e. being active shifts my mood and thereby easier to deal with the emotional stuff.
I have used ecstatic dance to do that for sometimes doing the gym thing just doesn't cut it.
You will be out doing something you enjoy and with other people.
PS:
M- I just copied the choco lab puppy picture and made it my screen saver. He's now my official virtual warm fuzzy hug.
Who needs dope when the world has puppies?
Anytime OB anytime !!!!
I know you think it should feel easier than this and you are right, it should. But not all of the difficulty can be pinned to just them - with siblings and wayward children and closed minded views coming in from the outside. Some of it is circumstance. BE is till BE and you are still you and you (plural) are stlll you too. I think it would be good for you to think about how much of your frustration is about him and how much is about a situation which is attached to him. This will help you make sense out of what will be still around for sure or what could be resolved in five years as Alison asked before. I have many problems with the family dynamic that SYB has and obviously the one sister is a major obstacle but he and I on our own have no problems. Small ones, sure but on the whole, we make each other very very happy when nobody interrupts it. I know there will always be something to interrupt us of course but the point is, after that subsides we have the "us" part to fall back on and get back to which is always lovely and warm and sweet. He really is my soft place to fall and I can only hope I do the same for him. If all of the extra situations around you drifted away, would BE be your soft place? If you went through something horrible on your own, would he be the first face you would want to see? To me, these questions are important for you to ponder. There will always be someone or something to interrupt the bliss but the bliss must outweigh and soothe the interruptions.
I think the two of you have gotten through a lot so far by talking and you have grown so much together. When you are ready, I think being totally raw and detailed with him about the stress you have felt supporting and loving him through these latest events would be helpful. You are only human and you are very sensitive just like me. He needs to know that you may seem as if you are taking things in stride when really you are taking the high road and trying to lend space and giving him some leeway - considering you didnt necessarily agree with his decisions in the last week, this has weighed heavily on you and you were bound to lose your cool eventually. And the fact that there were children involved in this lastest string of events has to be taken into consideration also. I dont know any mother that wouldnt be reactive to that even though you are trying so hard to give him space and support. please dont be hard on yourself during this time. If he is, than he is expecting way too much for the situation you were thrust in just by loving him. And in that case, it is up to you to shed some light on why this situation had you in a very rough spot - far rougher than he might realize.
BIG HUGS, lots of chocolate and a pic....pink bellies watch out - here is Monty teething on my finger at 9 weeks!
Yes, drama free is good- and don't talk tonight, even if he calls... take a few days without him to get your head straight and see if you really want the drama in your life.
Take some time for yourself. You need a break from all of this drama anyway. It is hard to keep a clear perspective when there is so much turmoil around you. I dated a recovering alcoholic off and on for awhile. It wasn't easy and I know how hard the ups and downs are.
Go play some dg and whatever else sounds good to you. Try to get out of the house. Otherwise you will end up sitting around and doing nothing but going over everything in your head.
Steph
(((((pacific))))
That chocolate lab is toooo cute!
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