could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
could use a hug
143
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm

....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?


I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.


He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 2:39pm

Yeah, that would be fun if I can get my dg ladies to go out for a drink or something- I'll bring it up today.

~Pacific~
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 2:40pm

{{{HUGS}}}


Disc Golf sounds like good therapy for you Pacsun.


I find it takes being in my body, i.e. being active shifts my mood and thereby easier to deal with the emotional stuff.


I have used ecstatic dance to do that for sometimes doing the gym thing just doesn't cut it.


You will be out doing something you enjoy and with other people.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 2:45pm

PS:


M- I just copied the choco lab puppy picture and made it my screen saver. He's now my official virtual warm fuzzy hug.


Who needs dope when the world has puppies?

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 2:49pm

Anytime OB anytime !!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-22-2006
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 2:54pm
Oh no....I was so sorry to read this post from you today. I know just how you feel though. When tensions are this high with unresolved drama all around you it is easy to get all wound up tight. Then you have these simple expectations and when they dont follow through you just lose it. I have come close in the last few days. I dont think it is possible for them to truly know how draining it is to be riding this very tenuous line where we are loving and supporting them but also being true to ourselves and hoping we dont shatter in the process. It is an outsider position at best and it is less forgiving because we are on the outside and the histories dont run as deep. He can do no wrong and she can do no wrong because they have this entwined history where they have fallen and gotten back up sometimes alone and sometimes together. Families are like this. But you are newer and under different scrutiny. I relate to you so much because I know it was difficult for you too to feel acceptance from his family. I have never had that problem with other bfs I have had. Their families jumped at the chance to have me with them, gently pushed my exes to move the relationship further for risk of losing me - it all felt so validating and warm. You feel like you are walking uphill on rocky terrain and sometimes barefoot.
I know you think it should feel easier than this and you are right, it should. But not all of the difficulty can be pinned to just them - with siblings and wayward children and closed minded views coming in from the outside. Some of it is circumstance. BE is till BE and you are still you and you (plural) are stlll you too. I think it would be good for you to think about how much of your frustration is about him and how much is about a situation which is attached to him. This will help you make sense out of what will be still around for sure or what could be resolved in five years as Alison asked before. I have many problems with the family dynamic that SYB has and obviously the one sister is a major obstacle but he and I on our own have no problems. Small ones, sure but on the whole, we make each other very very happy when nobody interrupts it. I know there will always be something to interrupt us of course but the point is, after that subsides we have the "us" part to fall back on and get back to which is always lovely and warm and sweet. He really is my soft place to fall and I can only hope I do the same for him. If all of the extra situations around you drifted away, would BE be your soft place? If you went through something horrible on your own, would he be the first face you would want to see? To me, these questions are important for you to ponder. There will always be someone or something to interrupt the bliss but the bliss must outweigh and soothe the interruptions.
I think the two of you have gotten through a lot so far by talking and you have grown so much together. When you are ready, I think being totally raw and detailed with him about the stress you have felt supporting and loving him through these latest events would be helpful. You are only human and you are very sensitive just like me. He needs to know that you may seem as if you are taking things in stride when really you are taking the high road and trying to lend space and giving him some leeway - considering you didnt necessarily agree with his decisions in the last week, this has weighed heavily on you and you were bound to lose your cool eventually. And the fact that there were children involved in this lastest string of events has to be taken into consideration also. I dont know any mother that wouldnt be reactive to that even though you are trying so hard to give him space and support. please dont be hard on yourself during this time. If he is, than he is expecting way too much for the situation you were thrust in just by loving him. And in that case, it is up to you to shed some light on why this situation had you in a very rough spot - far rougher than he might realize.
BIG HUGS, lots of chocolate and a pic....pink bellies watch out - here is Monty teething on my finger at 9 weeks!
Lilypie - Personal picture
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 2:56pm

Yes, drama free is good- and don't talk tonight, even if he calls... take a few days without him to get your head straight and see if you really want the drama in your life.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-11-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 3:07pm
GAAGHHHHH HES GORGEOUS. How could anyone have a bad day with that mushface!!! Thast it i say we all ditch the current attachments and all the good bad and ugly that comes with them and go out and get a big pink belly mush mouth! You know they will always love your kids, will keep you warm in the winter, not say one word when you are having ..ummm a gassy moment, they are always loyal although they do like to like themselves but at the end of the day you do
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 3:35pm

Take some time for yourself. You need a break from all of this drama anyway. It is hard to keep a clear perspective when there is so much turmoil around you. I dated a recovering alcoholic off and on for awhile. It wasn't easy and I know how hard the ups and downs are.

Go play some dg and whatever else sounds good to you. Try to get out of the house. Otherwise you will end up sitting around and doing nothing but going over everything in your head.

Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 3:55pm

(((((pacific))))


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 3:57pm

That chocolate lab is toooo cute!

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