could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
could use a hug
143
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm

....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?


I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.


He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 8:54pm

Pac Sun,


You are going through such a difficult time and you seem to be handling it with such grace.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 9:24pm

yes, that's how

~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-03-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 10:15pm

my even if

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Mon, 03-31-2008 - 10:21pm
I do too! Pac, be true to yourself and stick to your guns! (love those southern expressions!!)
Steph
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 11:12am
I agree, PacSun - your truth does have to stay the same. How are you feeling today? I hope you are gaining more strength to say what you have to have and stick to it. I think it is good to pull back and sleep on things - they always become clearer and you realize what you should do even if it is not easy. Everyone here has been really concerned!
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-11-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 11:20am

How are you doing today, Sweetie?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 12:14pm

Have I told you lately you are all AMAZING???


Everyone here, in every way, eavery perspective...simply so valuable to me. I cherish every thought and ounce of support!


I am feeling...even keeled. Sometimes a strange calm comes over me like when my life is in total chaos, lol, probably as a coping mechanism. I feel emotionally distant enough to make the plans to talk tomorrow and definately hold my ground. I am not blameless- afterall, I've been somewhat enabling him for a year and a half by being the soft pillow always. But I still have whats true to me and I'm not going to deny that.


I've found and AlAnon group and am considering going Thurday nights. I used to see BE on those nights while dd is with her dad. I am thinking of going to the meetings and telling him tomorrow night I am going to start going. I feel like it will be valuable no matter what, even if I walk out of our conversation as a solo gal again. I'm still attached and AlAnon just might shed some light on things.


Thank you- everyone for the incredible caring support and advice and stories and ways you all let me know you understand. I never feel alone and you've all been like a big family to me! Love you ALL. I will be keeping you posted-


XO

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 12:22pm

I am so glad to hear that you know we fuss at you or are brutally honest because we do care. I am also glad you feel calm and are going to check out Al-Anon. I have been told to attend at least 3 meetings before you make up your mind. They have them at different locations, so if you don't like one group, try another.

Here is the link to a website I used to frequent when I was dating my ex-abf. The friends and family section was invaluable!!

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/
Steph

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-10-2007
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 12:26pm

You just gave me chills! The people on this board are amazing (you included!) and I am so glad we all found each other here in this vast internet world (although I bet my bosses would rather I never had found this place!)

April

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Tue, 04-01-2008 - 12:42pm

Yes - I agree that AlAnon is a very good idea. It would help you get a better perspective on what you have to face - and you would feel that you have a lot more support and understanding from people who have been there done that - and maybe some good friends, too!

I can't help but think you may see some similarities in the constant cycle of "get better" then "get a little worse" that so often follow people who choose to drink a lot and have problems in their relationships because of their drinking. Maybe you will say, "I am not signing up for this"? and they will help you be more strong and more sure of what you need and what you want and don't want.

That is what I would say. But I, of course, am not you!! So I do respect your own judgement and your decision and we are always here for you of course. I just wanted to say it point blank so you would know my opinion.

I remember thinking, when with the fireman, I gave up a lot for my divorce - and this is not what is going to replace it. I want a stable healthy relationship with a good person for the rest of my life - not just the cuddle/companion stuff that is good right now.

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