could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
could use a hug
143
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm

....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?


I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.


He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:22pm

Thanks, Steph.


I'm taking it step by step- now in the prep mode of how to handle his calls. I'm now the one wanting space after listening to my own thoughts and everyone elses too- so I will ask for some time from him and just honor my own feelings. This sucks.


Thanks for the words-

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:23pm

"He can't or won't see reality". Because he cannot. An active alcoholic cannot see that. EVERYTHING is everyone elses fault. Their reasoning is shot. Its complete denial. Its sad. Its infuriating. But its just the way it is.


I can tell you that it SUCKS to be blamed for everything, b/c an alcoholic takes little or no responsility. NOT b/c they are horrible people, but b/c they just have the inability to see it.


& yes, alcohol is a mistress NO woman can compete with.

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Rebecca, Mom to Averey, 2/8/00, Kibo, Sana & Zuri too!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:25pm

Thank you for the HUGS... :o)


You know all too well then- the drama of the drinker. I'm learning (from the school of hard knocks) myself what it feels like. And you know- that statement about being tough even when they are not drinking- sometimes I see that in him as well- as if he is either in the recovery stage or the drinking stage. Only now and then he is both sober and not recovering..and it's those glimmers that make me love him. But as Ali said- is that enough. I'm thinking it is not enough.


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:26pm

(((((((((((((((((((((PACIFIC)))))))))))))))))))))))


I know I know I know what you are going through right now.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:27pm

Thanks, Soonee!!


I love the huggy picture. I think I will print it out and take it with me...how strange does That sound??


I'm gald to hear Foster Dog is doing well. I've been wondering about her and I'm happy she is filling out :o)

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:30pm

"I'm taking it step by step- now in the prep mode of how to handle his calls."


Let it go to voicemail for a few days.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:32pm

Yeah- that reality of 5, 10 years down the road just won't leave my head and mind, no matter how many spring rolls I am divulging in and ruining my diet with right now, lol.


I appreciate your thoughts and I know you have personal history in this- I know many of you do here. You are all so amazing and I just want to thank everyone for the hugs and support even IF you wish you could reach in and just snack me for being so thick headed over BE and his drinking. But the truth is I am learning first hand and it now is just a matter of how long, if at all, I am willing to feel it anymore.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2008
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:32pm

My exh would never admit to having a problem, even though we could all see it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:38pm

5 years was enough for me.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 4:40pm

for every little bit you put up with, you let a little more go each time ... & suddenly you

~Pacific~

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