could use a hug

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
could use a hug
143
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 1:46pm

....or chocolate or a really great girls night out. Any takers?


I really don't want to get into the details as they are exhausting but I had the biggest argument with BE last night and we are not talking. It had nothing to do with his daughter or her kids. I had last night planned with him and when he suggested staying out till 11pm socializing instead of the "in time" I had asked for I snapped. He claims I made a scene and embarrassed him. He is re-thinking being with me because he feels I am too reactive. I am re-thinking the relationship too because I feel that he triggers me- I get hurt and dissappointed which triggers a snap reaction- and he hates that. I don't know becasue I feel justified in beibg let down.


He asked if I wanted to take some "time out" from each other and

~Pacific~

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 5:14pm

I LOVE LOVE LOVE your puppy picture. You guys sure know my soft spot- my weakness for puppies :o)


Rebecca- call me crazy but I have just printed out your answers to my questions because they some how are validating to me right now...I feel like having those answers with me so when I start questioning myself I will pull them out and read it over. It the hard truth and I need to see it and so I thank you for writing those answers. I swear to you I am literally printing this response for my reference-


~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 5:19pm

"you don't seem to be mad that another woman is getting to be with A now that he is sober."


No, I'm not mad.


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-08-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 5:21pm

I don't miss all the turmoil, doubts, insecurity or worry I had to deal with.


Those are things I deal with. And you know what? I was not experienced with being with a drinker before so I thought it was me...I thought I 'm just too sensitive, too insecire. Now I'm seeing that his behavior might have something to do with these underlying negative doubts and thinngs I've had all along.

~Pacific~
~Pacific~
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 5:26pm
No, it is NOT you and I am glad you realize that. Also, trust me, his life won't be all hunky dory with someone else reaping the benefits of everything you did to help him. These problems have been around long before you came into his life and will probably be around long after.
It was a hard lesson to learn not to just see someone's potential when everything else was going to hell in a handbasket.
Steph
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 5:55pm

Oh dear - I am coming in late. Looks like you have lots of great advice and such a cute chocolate puppy plus virtual hugs and everything!! Good going to everyone here!!

I know it is hard but I know you will make the best choice for you and DD!! Be selfish and think of your future!! You are such a sweet and positive person and your daughter is so pretty - you both deserve someone very good!

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:07pm

"These problems have been around long before you came into his life and will probably be around long after."


EXACTLY!


Pac- it's doubtful that he will even BOTHER with another relationship after you leave- he will be having too much "fun" back with his drinking buddies...


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-13-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:31pm
I would be tempted to say - WYSIWYG - you have to take a look at this and see if it is just the way you want to live with it if you stay. It is a take it or leave it kind of thing - not a change it for good kind of thing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-25-2007
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:41pm

well pacific, its just the compassionate, caring side of me, and I remember sooo many times especially the last few years, when I have just needed a friend to cry or talk to, and it never fails when you need that, that the

mom_uk2socal - Mom to DS22, DS19, DD16

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-07-2005
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 6:41pm

Exactly!


Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
Fri, 03-28-2008 - 7:26pm

Or to look even a little further down the road. My Dad died at the age of 62 of liver cancer. No doubt brought on by years of heavy drinking. He had only been retired for less than a year and had plans to travel. (Which he loved to do and so do I) It was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through and such a waste.

Alcoholism has no respect for gender, education, socioeconomic status, families or anything else. It effects so many people, as you can see on this board. It is insidious and destroys so many lives. So, Pac, just realize you are not alone in your situation or the feelings that are running rampant through your mind right now.
Steph

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